Sea Change

This week just keeps getting better.

Mountaineers bring change to AP Poll.

This may mean we will have two teams called The Mountaineers in a Top 25 Poll for the first time ever! Daniel Boone, rejoice!

This definitely makes me knowing that there may have been a money line on the Michigan game (somewhere out there on the internet) feel slightly less aggravating. I might have only bet $10, but I'm sure it would have paid me about 25 times that!

Back to the Poll - I knew when we beat Michigan, it would alter the way alot of people thought about I-AA/FCS football, but I didn't think it would start the process of blurring the line completely. We now appear to be moving back to the way things were 30 years ago...where every team was just "Division I", not I-A, I-AA, or some kind of subdivision.

While I am excited at the idea of Appalachian appearing in the Top 25 alongside schools like Georgia Tech and Tennessee (current denizens in spots 20-25), I'm forced to wonder what this will ultimately mean. If App can be ranked in the top 25, and manages to finish 15-0, why can't they go to a bowl game. Conversely, why can't a team like Boise State or TCU, who are likely to get perpetually shut-out of the BCS National Championship game, decide to go play in the playoffs instead?

Ultimately, since the AP Poll is no longer used to determine BCS spots, it may not matter. But, if it somehow causes a complete elimination of subdivisions, it could spell the end for many of the smaller Division I schools who have neither the resources, nor the fanbase, to compete in a DI free-for-all.

Regardless of what happens - Appalachian may organically succeed in doing something that the legislators have only had limited success in doing - fundamentally changing the way college football is structured.

You Got No Fear of The Underdog...

...that's why you will not survive!



I've been listening to the song The Underdog off of Spoon's latest album for about 2 months now. During the past 3 days, that lyric has seemed all the more sweet.

For those who may check this blog out on a semi-regular basis (which would also generously describe how often I write on it) that don't already know - I am an alumnus of THE Appalachian State University!

Needless to say, the last few days have been the most enjoyable of my life as a sports fan. There is truly nothing that could compare.

Being a I-AA/FCS fan is a lonely existence. You get strange looks from people when you answer "Appalachian State" to their question "Who do you root for?". The idea of picking your team based on where you went to school seems a foreign concept to them. That all has gone away, if only temporarily, after Saturday's stunning occurrence.

For that day, to anyone who knew me outside of App, I was the person to call. To my friends and acquaintances, I was THE Appalachian guy - and they knew that because I never made excuses for my love of The Mountaineers.

It's one of the feelings people who go to big schools, unless distantly transplanted from their Alma Mater, can't experience. Yet, here I was, only a 4 1/2 hour drive from my school, being bombarded with phone calls and text messages. It felt like a tremendous reward for my loyalty to the Black and Gold.

I can't say much that hasn't already been said from an analysis standpoint, but I will highlight two things:

A) This game was very quickly compared to some of the great upsets of all time - Chaminade over Virginia, US Hockey over the Soviet Union, etc. As mentioned by Kevin Hench of FoxSports, though, the most amazing thing about this upset is that the Mountaineers did it on the road. Most of the "Greatest Upsets Ever" took place at a neutral site, or in a de facto home location, like Lake Placid. That is something truly amazing and unique. This is like Leonidas and his 300 defeating the Persians at Thermopylae!

Although, now that I think about it - Thermopylae is pretty close to Sparta.

B) If you had only heard about this game, you would have assumed that App State must have played the perfect game, a la Villanova vs. Georgetown in the 1985 Final Four.

You would be wrong.

Despite a practically flawless start by Armanti Edwards (he of the now household name), he still finished the game with 2 interceptions, and 1 fumble. The 2nd interception coming when ASU was trailing late - leading most to think this game was over.

The Mountaineers also egregiously missed a chance to make the game 35-20 early in the 3rd Quarter when a wide open Brian Quick, a true freshman WR, dropped a sure TD in the end zone. (Hard to blame a True Frosh in that situation) This forced App to settle for a Field Goal and a 31-20 lead. They would also later miss another field goal that would have made it 34-20 midway through the third.

That miss, ironically, seemed to help seal Michigan's fate as they haplessly botched two 2 pt. conversions later in the game. Quick would also redeem himself later by blocking the first of Michigan's two 4th Quarter FG tries.

We can also forget about safety Corey Lynch leaving Mario Manningham 1-on-1 with Justin Woazeah on the penultimate play of the game - the 46 yard completion that set up Michigan's 2nd blocked FG attempt.

That's because - when the Mountaineers needed a miracle - the man who might one day be Billy Graham's grandson-in-law delivered one.

I, like most App fans, will bask in this for quite a while. Nonetheless, I hope the team is the thinking the same thing I am right now. The shoe is on the other foot this Saturday, and really for the rest of the season. This Saturday, Division II Lenoir-Rhyne comes to town with hopes of taking down a 2-Time National Champion/Media Darling, and having their highlights on ESPN.

If we've learned one thing from this Saturday...it's that anything is possible in college football.

In The Year Two-Thousaaaaaaaannnddd...Seven. (College Football Edition)

-A tragedy of national proportions will befall the ESPN studios, as Lou Holtz will drown an entire studio tour with his saliva, all while making ridiculously unfounded predictions about a Notre Dame BCS berth. Notre Dame will finish the season at 7-5.

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-Nick Saban will spend the latter half of 2007, in his office, curled up in the fetal position. Meanwhile, some Birmingham area boosters begin the search for the next mediocre NFL head coach to take over the flagging Crimson Tide program. Norv Turner is introduced as the new coach in January.

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-Butch Davis begins to reconsider his choice of schools when he's asked to address to one of his Tar Heel colleagues only as "Mr. Coach Williams, Sir".

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-Across the Research Triangle (which, by the way, woman hate having their hoo-hoos referred to as), Tom O'Brien flies into a panic when he realizes that he's never learned how to coach a home game where every seat is filled. NC State still manages to defeat rivals North Carolina because their head coach has been asked to go get lunch for the UNC basketball team.

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-On November 17th, South Florida shocks the nation as they win the Big East by upsetting #1 Louisville in front of a raucous crowd of 47 at Raymond James Stadium. The Orange Bowl planning committee commits mass suicide.

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-FSU and Miami, realizing they've been surpassed by USF, will merge their football programs thanks to some lobbying by a well known Hurricane Booster. They are henceforth known as 2 Live U.

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-Mark Richt will continue a proud tradition of ignoring the running game when he unveils Georgia's new "No Back" offense. The running backs retaliate by kidnapping all of the Bulldogs quarterbacks and hiding them on the last row at Stegeman Coliseum, where no one ever sits.

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-Darren McFadden pulls of the impressive feat of winning The Heisman, and Arkansas Sportscaster of the year when, in a shocking spate of injuries, he is inexplicably forced to do Play-by-Play from the field.

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-With ESPN no longer compelled to pump up The Big 10, thanks to the new Big 10 Network, the World Wide Leader will shock America when, during a Tuesday night game, they proclaim Conference USA to be the toughest conference in America.

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-On New Year's Day, seismic activity is reported in the unlikely locale of Jacksonville, FL. The epicenter is discovered to be Alltel Stadium, in the exact spot where Maryland's Ralph Friedgen and Kansas' Mark Mangino have just met for their pre-game handshake. Thankfully, no one is injured.
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-USC will forfeit its National Title to LSU when it's discovered that John David Booty is actually supposed older brother, Josh, who just can't let go of his failed career.

-Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit will refer to my alma mater as Appalayshun State no less than a dozen times leading up to the Mountaineers season opener at Michigan. This, despite the school's brilliantly subversive marketing campaigns and outspoken activist students.
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-Upon winning their 3rd Consecutive I-AA...err...FCS title, Appalachian State is promoted to I-A...err FBS in place of relegated Temple. The Owls will fall all the way to Division III before finally dropping football in 2010.

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Enjoy the season everybody!

Fork, meet Braves. Done.

I had hoped that Bobby Cox's "Al Capone in The Untouchables" style offing of Bob Wickman on Friday might light a fire under the Braves heading into a crucial weekend series with the Cardinals. Oh well.

They're now 4 back of the Wild Card (behind the Rockies...the Rockies!!!), and have done nothing but give up ground over the last month. This is not a team capable of fashioning anything longer than a 2 game winning streak - and that only happens when Smoltz and Hudson pitch back-to-back. The rest of the rotation is about as useful as Mike Hampton, circa today.

I'm ever the optimist, though. Hampton will be back in '08, Chuck James will be a year older, as will JoJo Reyes. I expect, though, that Schuerholz will go out and find a legit 3rd starter - maybe by dangling Edgar Renteria and either James or Reyes.

We also can't forget, of course, that a certain...ahem...dead weight will be removed from the Braves batting order, along with his audacious salary. The kind of money that could be used to get a decent starter or closer.

Even more optimistically, I know it's 3 days until college football season, and 10 days until the NFL starts...so, really, I was about to stop paying attention to baseball anyway.

Side Note: The picture above was the first one that popped up on a Google Image search of "Braves Lose". I couldn't tell you who those guys are, or what year that is from...but I'll be damned if it doesn't just sum up the second half of the season.

American Music Now With More Pre-Packaged Goodness!

In case you can't get enough of Fall Out Boy, or set your DVR for reruns of Making The Band:

The makers of American Idol now bring us America's Next Great Rock Band!

Ugh - Good to know that radio Program Directors will now have the ability to think even less critically when picking new songs for their stations. Thank God for Satellite Radio, Sirius-ly.

Get Out

This isn't a local case. There won't be a slap on the wrist. The Federal Government rarely loses cases, and they don't indict for publicity, or for voters. Michael Vick is going to jail. Period. And if all of what is in the indictment is true - he should stay there for a long time.

As a Falcons fan, you have to wonder what they are going to do. They brought in Bobby Petrino because he was an offensive guru and disciplinarian. Now, their marquee player, who needed Petrino's help the most, is engulfed in heinous accusations because someone didn't act as the latter of Petrino's most visible traits earlier.

According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 99% of federal cases from 2000-2005 resulted in convictions. This, of course, includes the Enron case, and the Scooter Libby case - and I don't think President Bush will be commuting Michael Vick's sentence any time soon.

Time to move on. Time for the Falcons to open up the starting quarterback job to anyone besides Vick. D.J. Shockley, Joey Harrington, even...ugh...Chris Redman. Oh, and there's a guy named Culpepper currently in the market for a new team. The worst thing he's ever been accused of doing is receiving some special attention from a stripper in plain view of boaters on Lake Minnetonka. While disgusting - definitely forgiveable.

I know Vick is innocent until proven guilty, but that doesn't mean he has the right to keep playing football while on trial. Cut him, suspend him, bench him - do whatever you can to make him not be a distraction. The Falcons brought in arguably one of the brightest offensive minds in football, and he has provided a high quality coaching staff in turn. There is so much invested in this team right now, don't waste it by post-poning the inevitable.

Whither, Gobots?

As a child, I picked the wrong side in the Gobots vs. Transformers battle. I was never more reminded of that than this past Sunday as I witnessed the retro-Nerd giddiness that is the Transformers movie. As, I am not a huge fan of the genre, it definitely falls into my "Good For an Action Movie" category along with the first Die Hard, Top Gun, and of course, Red Dawn.

Still - amongst the sturm and drang of Michael Bay's newest homage to determined, slow motion, walking, I couldn't help but wonder what had become of my beloved Gobots. Will they ever get their moment in the Summer Blockbuster sun?

I think the reason I liked them more was the fact that one of them was named "Turbo". When you are an 8 year-old boy, the word Turbo automatically equals cool. Incidentally, this also why the character Turbo was much cooler than Ozone in Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Some men actually never grow out of this phase, and it causes them to subconsciously buy not only cars, but new razors, energy drinks, and computer based income tax programs.

Sadly, I learned that Hasbro now owns the rights to the Gobots, and will surely keep Leader 1, Turbo, and the rest of the Gobot pantheon under wraps. Voltron, you're my only hope!

Deprived Indifference

It's been a while, my dearest blog...


I'd be remiss if I didn't offer my two cents on tonight's game between Florida and Ohio State. It seems the Sports Gods have conspired against me. For the 2nd time in 3 months, I'll be subjected to Buckeyes and Gators duelling for the right to be called Supreme Commander of The Order of The Jean Shorts.


Obviously, the edge goes to The Gators. They do, after all, have a website that proclaims their superiority in this fashion...er...trend. As I was wandering through a see of unnecessarily revealing denim in The CNN Center today, I was reminded that Buckeye fans have the ability to take it a step further with mustaches. Their dogged one-upsmanship has gotten them this far twice, but will it be enough? Will all of the gasoline doused couches in Columbus get their just desserts?


Incidentally, I was also reminded that - unless they are sporting your teams garb - large groups of middle aged men wearing collegiate apparel will almost always resemple large bags o' douche.


Back to my original point - regardless of whether or not furniture is incinerated in Buckeyeland, it's a lose-lose situation for Ohio State. Yes, they get the basketball National Title from Florida, but they will receive it with everyone knowing they would like to trade it for that gaudy crystal football the Gators got to hoist back in January. Well, everyone but the basketball team will feel that way.


Again, I really don't know who to root for. I guess, as a Southerner, I'm supposed to feel some sort of loyalty to the SEC. That just can't account for the fact that Joakim Noah scares me. There's something slightly off about him - the semi-stache, the dancing, the hair that is only a spontaneous pregame slumber party away from showing up on the court in a French Braid. It all makes me uneasy.


Of course, I know that means I'll hear the words "With the 5th Pick in the NBA Draft, the Hawks select Joakim Noah." in June...

I wouldn't mind picking up Greg Oden, but as we know...the NBA won't rig the draft lottery for the Hawks like they did when the Cavaliers got LeBron James. Otherwise, Dwight Howard would be dominating the middle in his hometown right now, alongside childhood buddy Josh Smith. Sigh.


I think ultimately what has tipped the scales is the fact that I don't want a man named Thad coaching a team to a National Title. The success of any man named Thad will unnecessarily embolden spikey-haired, pop-collared kids everywhere. Next thing you know, guys named Chet, Talan, Chazz, and Austin will be leading teams to the Final Four. We just can't let that happen!


So...uh...Go Gators, I guess.

Out of Hibernation

It's been a while, old friend. I haven't given you the attention you deserved...forgive me.

Yes, I was groveling to my blog. What of it?

Okay, so I haven't been hanging around these here Blogger parts for a while, and I didn't really know when I was coming back. Sometimes, you don't get to make that choice. Last week, two encounters with surreality took the choice out of my hands.

I'll get to it - I'm not induced to unabashed staring much, but when I wander into a dive bar and see Jared from Subway buying round after round of shots in attempt to get a chick drunk, it's like watching the most glorious of trainwrecks.

Yes, it was actually him, not someone unfortunate enough to resemble him. I had heard he was there, and just assumed it was the usual embellishments about another patron. How wrong I was - seeing this doughy physiqued, toothy spokesperson for mediocre sandwiches in the flesh was slightly unsettling. Not only that, but watching his attempt to ply a girl with alcohol...that image is burned into my mind.

I had to resist the urge to just go over and berate him for helping America develop a taste for mediocre deli meats and knock-off condiments, but I didn't. Seriously, I hate Subway...if they didn't convince me that I could eat out healthy by eating there, I probably wouldn't have gone there in the last decade.

Jesse Jackson May Finally Justify His Existence

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I can actually agree with him on something for once:

Jesse Jackson tries to eradicate N-word from Entertainment Industry

A bit of a lofty goal, for sure, but I can't say it wouldnt' be a step in the right direction. If you haven't figured it out by now, I am one of the whitest whities to ever buy SPF 45, so I can't speak from personal experience as to what the use of this word does to African-American society.

From my perspective, though, the use of this word by ostentatious hip-hop artists and actors speaks to an underlying self-loathing. One that has long been engrained in that community due to years of being told that they were nothing but...that word. It provides the impetus for seemingly well reared children of all races feeling the need to start gangs and show their manhood by gunning down their unarmed peers. It goes along with many more complex issues in the rise of gangs, of course, but it can never be called a positive force.

I know this will become a free speech issue to some, and I am not one to fight free speech. If this, however, begins the process of this word being rooted out of the Pop Culture lexicon then I'll actually feel good about something Jesse Jackson did.

Fruit Up!

That's right - everyone's favorite lecherous, mysoginistic, capitalist TV character is played by a gay man. I honestly can't say I'm surprised. A few months ago, in one of my many trips to Wikipedia, I decided to read up on the actors that so adeptly make up the ensemble of How I Met Your Mother.

Upon reading Neil Patrick Harris' bio, two things jumped out at me:

- He took the role of Emcee in the Broadway production of Cabaret, one of his many musical theater performances

- He had several guest appearances on Will & Grace.

Hmm. Pretty much all that was left was for him to list Judy Garland as a primary influence.

So, when Doogie officially came out this week, I was ready for the blow. I mean...you know what I mean!

Anyway, apparently one of the biggest reasons this story came to the fore was due to a blurb about his boyfriend getting a part on HIMYM only because he was dating Harris. I know, it's outrageous to think that someone would get a part in showbusiness because they knew someone. I wonder if this is the first time that has ever happened?

Kiss me, Vinnie.

I doubt this will do anything to affect the show's viewership. It's not like it was family friendly programming anyway. Harris does a great job with his character, too, much like the straight guys playing gay on Will and Grace. Maybe it's just easier to play the other side because you know exactly where to go for the easy jokes?

I am a fan of the show...it kind of fills that Friends void I had with my buddies where you decide which character you are (an activity women participate in much more than men because every female ensemble is just like their group of friends). Luckily, I was not Barney (I am Ted. Duh.), because now the jokes are just way too easy on the guy that we decided IS Barney...more or less.

Black Saturday

While the rest of my friends sit, transfixed, at the broadcast of The World's Largest...uh...Juice and Cookies...Party on Saturday, I'll be enjoying my own border war. A game that has not disappointed, Appalachian State vs. Furman.

It's hard to describe your passion for I-AA football to your typical College Football drone, but I promise if they made one trip to Kidd Brewer Stadium for this game, they would understand. To condense it, here's the App State Press Release on the recent history.

The biggest reason I wanted to mention this game, is I could post this video. Ever see a sports moment on TV that you wish you could have seen in person? I don't have many, but this is one of them. Just to set the stage, the TD Furman scores on this clip gives them a 15-14 lead with 7 seconds left to play. Hoping to go up by a field goal, Furman Coach Bobby Lamb opts for the two-point conversion. What ensued was one of the most improbable endings to a football game I had ever witnessed:



One of my fellow Mountaineers was kind enough to preserve some other clips of the play (including the Fox Sports call, and Chris Berman's Top 10 Plays) here. Look under 2002.

Alas, I haven't seen these teams play in person since 1998. Primarily because it's always on TV, and also because I try to spread my trips to Boone out so my majestic Hunter Green Blazer does not turn on me by spontaneously combusting on I-85.

Here's hoping to another great game, and a 23rd consecutive home win for the Mountaineers.

Semi-annual Free Pass Not Yet Issued to Big 12 - Journalist Stunned

The Big 12's suspiciously good fortune in this bogus BCS system has rankled me for some time. It probably all goes back to 1990 (the nexis of my college football experience) when the then Big 8's Colorado got 5 downs to beat Missouri, and a questionable clipping call, levelled against Notre Dame, in the Orange Bowl...erasing the game winning Irish touchdown.

This allowed the Buffaloes to share the National Crown with an undefeated Georgia Tech squad that had demolished Nebraska (the 2nd place team in the Big 8) 45-21 in The Citrus Bowl earlier that day. Not to mention the fact that I haven't heard of a modern team before, or since, winning a National Title with a loss and a tie (obviously not possible anymore) to their name.

Since then, The Big 12 has had a team win a share of the National Title by campaigning to the media (Nebraska '97), and two teams play for the title without even winning their conference crown - '01 Nebraska and '03 Oklahoma. Shocking to no one, neither won the BCS Title Game.

That's why when I happen to come across an article decrying the lack of respect given the conference by the recent BCS Poll, I do something I rarely do - fire off a terse response to the writer:

Date: Oct 16, 2006 11:47 AM
Subject: Let's Review The "Big" 12...
To: john.lopez@chron.com

The Big 3, Little 9's Last 4 Trips to the National Title Game: 1 Win and 3 Bad Losses. You're right, Big 3, Little 9 (Henceforth, "B3L9") teams can score...against other B3L9 teams. Arguably the two biggest out-of-conference games of the year netted the two likely participants in the B3L9 Title Game (Their elite?) a grand total of 17 points. (USC-Nebraska, Texas-Ohio State)

That's how the B3L9 measures up to the top BCS teams. 2 TD's Better than Notre Dame? Maybe...but you're talking about a team that had to scrape and claw to beat woeful Michigan State. They will be exposed again.

You can complain all you want about Auburn, but the fact remains that they have beaten LSU and Florida without much offense. That is much more impressive than hanging 63 on Baylor...who scored fewer points against Army. They got caught looking ahead, and a coach like Houston Nutt will make you pay for that.

Meanwhile, B3L9 Teams like Kansas have to figure out how they lost to a bad MAC team in Toledo, how Texas Tech's mighty offense scored 3 points on a middling TCU team, or how Oklahoma State lost to a Houston team currently on a 3 game losing streak. Yes, the SEC has Mississippi State, but the B3L9 has several teams that inspire about as much confidence in their fan-bases as Starkville's Bulldogs.

Why is that? Well, I personally think it's because the B3L9 is down. You can call it whatever you like. Don't worry, the time will come again where a B3L9 team gets blown out in their final regular season game, keeping them out of the B3L9 Title Game, is dismantled by a lesser team in said Title Game, and still gets to play for the National Championship, or gets to play ahead of a 12-0 SEC team, only to fail to show up for the Orange Bowl. It is because of that history that any B3L9 apologist whining about "their" 1-loss team being excluded makes my skin crawl. They deserved it last year, they don't this time...nor did they in '01, '03, or '04...

Sincerely,
Eric
Atlanta, GA

I'll let you know if I hear back from the guy. It's doubtful, though. As good of an argument as I feel I made, I wouldn't be surprised if his ill-conceived piece received numerous missives like mine.

Schwab! Seee-crets...

By now, most of you have either watched or heard about my performance on ESPN's Stump The Schwab. For those who haven't, here's a quick and dirty recap, before I reveal its inner-workings:

I beat the other contestants in my particular episode, which was my initial goal. ESPN paid for nothing in terms of travel and lodging, so actually coming out of this in the black was a relief. Unfortunately, I was no match for The Schwab and his minions in the Schwab Showdown, and was thus denied the opportunity to continue on my quest.

I have to thank my friend Colleen, by the way, for allowing me to sleep on her couch for 3 nights. Not only did I get my first exposure to Harlem, but I saved who knows how much on Hotel fees.

As for my "big day", it was quite long. We had to be at the Lower Manhattan studio at 10 am to get ready for this show. In their desire to get this show "in the can" as expeditiously as possible, they were doing 3 episodes this day. We had been assigned our fellow competitors, but then the shows Lawyer-type made is draw lottery balls out of a hat to determine which time-slot we had. Naturally, I ended up on the final show of the day, scheduled to begin shootin around 5 in the afternoon.

No problem, right? I'll just watch the other episodes being shot. Wrong. Fearing that we might be able to divine what categories would be presented to us by watching these prior tapings, we were sequestered in the "Green Room" with some VHS tapes of late 90's cinema. I use the term "Green Room" loosely...it was more like 2 couches, a 13" TV, and small window. I guess "Minimum-Security Prison Cell" would be more accurate.

Nonetheless, I finally got around to seeing Swingers, all the way through, for the first time. Sad that it's taken this many Jon Favreau-pounds-gained for me to just now see his finest work. After several hours of waiting, not being allowed to study my copious notes, and a showing of L.A. Confidential (great movie), they were ready to send us into the Belly of the Beast.

I hoped to get a chance to exchange pleasantries with Schwab, and even Stuart Scott (maybe even find out he isn't the jock-sniffing poseur that he portrays on TV), but that didn't happen. This really just seemed like a thing both of them wanted to get over with so they could go home. I can't say I was too surprised.

In my college days, I was a TV intern, and worked around many personalities who seemed to take their job for granted - even though there were thousands of viewers, and small-market broadcasters, who would take their place in a nanosecond. Eventually, I guess it all just becomes work, regardless of what you do.

Finally on set, we get the show rolling. I had a notebook with about 150 pages of potential categories, so I felt very prepared. Then, we get the first category in "Leading Off" from Stu:

"Name the 16 players who had 10 or more sacks in the NFL last season."

Well, there's a category I wasn't expecting. I'm first, too, so I go for the most obvious answer...

Me: Michael Strahan
Stu: Correct

That's great. Still blanking on who to go with next. Why didn't I think of this one? The guy next to me misses, then Schwab and the big dude from Chicago name guys I wouldn't have thought of. Sweet...my turn again. I feel so lame going for names even a casual football fan would think of...

Me: Simeon Rice
Stu: Correct

Shwew...that's already two more than the guy next to me. I end up being the last contestant left, and I'm looking to go obscure (i.e. a Falcon). I can't remember who had more sacks though...Patrick Kerney or Rod Coleman.

Kerney, Coleman, Kerney, Coleman, Kerney, Coleman...

Me (aloud): Patrick Kerney
Stu: Incorrect

Great, I can't even remember stuff from my favorite pro team, I'm screwed!

Miraculously, that turns out not to be the case as I scoot through to the next round, take out my reaming competition, and move on to the Showdown. Once there, I get the distinct pleasure of mentioning my Alma Mater on the air.

The Question: "What 3 time ACC Coach of the Year came out of retirement in 2006 to take the head coaching job at College Of Charleston?"

My Answer: "Former Appalachian State Head Coach Bobby Cremins."

In your face, Georgia Tech! Although, I did enjoy Lethal Weapon 3's run to the Final Four back in '90. So, thanks for that.

Really, the first two questions in the Showdown couldn't have gone any better for me. The first question was from the category involving Baseball Mascots, and I honestly had the thought "I wonder if they'll ask one about the former Montreal Expos' mascot, Youppi!?". Sure enough, he/it was the answer to the first question.

After that, though, I don't think it could have gone any worse. I blanked the rest of the way, and got a few strange looks from the Schwab when I missed. I wanted to smack the look off his face, just to take him back to High School for a moment, but thought better of it. Besides, how many 28 year-olds do you know can even remember that Wendell Tyler played for the Rams (or who he was), even if it's the wrong answer?

I went pretty meekly. Along the way, though, I learned a few things:

A) I'm too racey for ESPN Classic. Early on in the show, Stu asked me about a particular streaking incident I was party to in college. I completely blanked that I had written that on my application, in a shameless attempt to get on the show. I guess my description of how I protected my...uh... future children (upon taking a nasty fall during the incident) was a little too vivid. Thus, it was edited out.

B) The editors ostensibly also thought I was a Red State xenophobe. The 2nd category in Round 1 was "Name the Final 16 Teams in this year's World Cup". We killed the category...and when I gave my final answer, it involved the States' arch-rival in soccer. My actual reply was "As much as it pains me to say it - Mexico." What made the air was me saying "Mexico". Me saying what I said is basically like a Michigan fan being forced to answer about who won the 2003 Fiesta Bowl.

Apparently, though, the post-production folks were worried that a Mexican-American viewer might be offended...the largest group in this country that is acutely aware of the aforementioned rivalry. Between this and the Streaking story, they succeeded in editing much of my personality out of the show. Kind of ironic, since ESPN has a track-record of including too much personality in their other shows. Boo yah!

C) The Schwab may know alot, but he appears scared of College Football. Considering his Yankee upbringing, it's no shock. I think I'd avoid Hockey like the plague if the tables were turned. I still find it interesting - considering that one of the producers confessed to us that the writers for the show are running out of categories for the "Leading Off" round. It's a subject that certainly would have helped me alot.

So, I come back to Atlanta $1,000 richer (Less the cost of airfare and food. Thanks, ESPN!), and secure in the knowledge that I don't know as much about Sports Trivia as The Schwab. I'm actually glad that I don't. I'd have to think it might affect my social life just a smidge if I did. As one of my female friends put it - "I know how to Stump The Schwab...ask him how to pick up chicks!"

Of course, his wife might have something to say about that.

Parallel Football

I've said many times to friends that the closest thing in the U.S. to the tradition, and atmosphere of European soccer is College Football.

Inspired by my attendance at the SEC West slugfest between Auburn and LSU (the football equivalent of a 1-nil victory), I will effort to explain the various European leagues to you by offering up their corresponding College Football conference. I hope I can continue my efforts to bridge the gap between these two, seemingly disparate, cultures.

Coincidentally - last weekend, Manchester United and Arsenal slogged through a 1-0 decision in a rivalry that is very similar to the one I was witness to. Neither involves a common border. Rather, they were borne out of the fight for league supremacy, and neither fan base has a fondness for the other.

Now, regarding the subject of acquainting these distant cousins.

In European leagues there are several elite teams battling not only for their particular country's League crown, but for the Champions' League title. Meanwhile, smaller clubs would be ecstatic to somehow win the league once a quarter-century, or maybe get a berth in the UEFA Cup.

This, of course, is much the same way a team like LSU considers a season out of the BCS picture a failure, while Kentucky would tear down their goalposts after making the Liberty Bowl.

Much like I-A football having the Big 6 Conferences, European soccer has the Big 4 leagues. Obviously, the numbers don't match, so we'll get a little creative.

The Pac 10: The German Bundesliga - A league that currently houses only one truly top-notch team, Bayern Munich. Leaguewide, there are several serviceable sides that somehow manage to remain pretenders to the throne. Bayern attracts some of the best players from across the continent, while the other teams always seem to get smoked when facing non-German opposition. It's a league that has gradually lost the ability to turn out quality defenses (much like the death of The Desert Swarm), and, if not for Bayern, might be in danger of falling out of The Big 4.

Also, The Pac-10 houses most of its teams in California, and the Bundesliga covers a unified Germany. Thus, both collectives feature fans who think Communism might actually work if just given another chance.

The Big 12: Italian Serie A - Several very solid organizations at the top of the league, and some shockingly bad teams at the bottom. Serie A embodies the economic gap between affluent Northern Italy and relatively barren Southern Italy much like The Big 12 embodies the difference between the booming population of the Southwest and the static, primarily rural, population of the Great Plains. The league has worked for years to shed images of a largely defensive mentality paired with vanilla offenses.

Much like the formerly seperate Big 8 and SWC of the 1980's, Serie A has recently had to deal with two of it's more powerful clubs, AC Milan and Juventus, being caught in a scandal of the highest order. Juventus played the unfortunate role of SMU in this case, being relegated to the lower divisions of Italian soccer - likely for many years to come. AC Milan is hoping to return to prominence a little...uh..."sooner" than that.

This development has allowed one of the other glamour clubs, Inter Milan, to re-ascend to the top of the league after a relatively dormant period - unlike Texas, it wasn't because they foolishly hired John Mackovic as their Head Coach.

The ACC: French Ligue 1 (Leeg Uh! if you are looking for the correct pronunciation) - Constantly clamoring that they should be included in the discussion of the top leagues, while being pretty much dominated by the same team every year. Before the arrival of Virginia Tech and Miami - Florida State controlled the ACC Title like Olympique Lyon currently controls Le Championnat.

When criticized about their qualifications for inclusion in European's Soccer Elect, will respond in a similar fashion to ACC fans by touting their superior culture and education over neighboring barbarians. Ultimately, these sour grapes are derived from their inability to convert similar resources into the results of their neighbors...

The SEC: La Liga - Spain's top division. Despite grumblings from some pastily complected folks that live north of there, widely considered the toughest league on the continent. Full of teams who have seen success domestically and continentally, as well as a slew of provincial and cross-regional rivalries. Through excessive government control, and shady backroom deals, Alaba...I mean...Real Madrid were able to dominate the league for many years.

With corruption and subversion now less prominent in the region - Real's primary rival - along with 2 or 3 other large clubs appear poised to do battle for supremacy in the coming years. Despite this, Real's fans will still try and convince you that they are the flagship club of La Liga.

Also, as in the SEC, you do not want to commit the egregious era of mistaking one Spanish dialect for another. The consequences could be dire!

Of course, there is another league that often clamors of the title Best of the Best, even though it's teams have a reputation for coming up just short during European competitions...

The Big 10: English Premier League - The oldest of the big European leagues, and despite having teams set in some sparsely populated areas, constantly one of the best attended. A league that, until recently, was dominated by the team with the largest stadium in the country. That is, until a mad genius arrived from a second tier league, and took over a club in one of the largest population centers. Using seemingly endless resources, he finally backed up that teams claim that it is a force to be reckoned with on the continent. Interestingly enough, Ohio State's Jim Tressel and Chelsea's Jose Mourinho even bear a passing resemblance.

Their footprints are both identified as places where ideal versions of the English Language are spoken. Yet, England and Big 10 Country (By virtue of running from Pennsylvania to the Dakotas) have mangled their native tongue into numerous semi-indecipherale vernaculars.

Our next subject is a rogueish monolith that is always trying to butt in on the party. Charting its own course - even though it occupies an overlapping swath of land to the EPL...

Notre Dame: The Old Firm - Scotland's flagship clubs, Celtic and Rangers. They are pretty much an anachronism in the modern soccer scene, despite what their supporters (and a handful of media members) claim. Always purporting to be part of Europe's Ruling Class, until they fall meekly to a team from one of the power leagues. Haven't won anything significant in a really long time.

Inextricably linked with a particular Christian Sect, despite the fact that most of their players likely don't subscribe to those beliefs. If not for years of tradition and rabid fans, their status on the periphery of the main leagues would probably have put them in the same position as...

Army/Navy: The Scottish Premier League - Really just scheduling fodder for The Old Firm. Every once and a while they'll make someone sweat, but never really seem capable of a big breakthrough season. Their best days ended a long time ago, and a UEFA Cup berth is usually a sufficient outcome for their respective fanbases.

Still, they aren't that far behind a league that claims to be part of the elite, but is usually met with raised eyebrows and chuckles...

The Big East: The Dutch Eredivisie - Home to 3 decent teams - Feyenoord, PSV Eindhoven, and Ajax. As in The Big East, most fans outside its borders couldn't name the rest of the league if you put a gun to their head. Nonetheless, very few around Europe would want to face those Top 3 in a winner-take-all scenario.

It all makes sense, now, doesn't it?

2 Athens In Battle For "Ninja City" Title

It's good to know that after all the years of Athens, Georgia honoring its Hellenic namesake, the Grecians are giving back:

Petros Onen, 49, had held up 11 small suburban bank branches making away with 50,000 euros ($63,590) in recent months, threatening to throw his razor-sharp, palm-size stars -- made famous by the Japanese ninja warriors -- at cashiers, police said.

You'll remember that, in April of this year, UGA Student Jeremiah Ransom forever linked the words "Athens" and "Ninja" when he was accosted by some serendipitously placed ATF agents.

Fortunately, this time the authorities in Greece arrested someone actually attempting to abuse Real, Ultimate Power.

Nonetheless, it's nice to see a little friendly competitions among the Athens. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm on my way to Ohio University for Nunchuk convention.

Fake Band Shows Shocking Lack of Creativity

This made my day:

"Orange County, CA band, Supernova, have won their fight against CBS show, Rock Star: Supernova, as San Diego Judge John Houston ruled Tuesday (Sept. 12) that the company will have to rename the band formed from their reality show..."

Yeah, it doesn't take much to make my day.

Wow. You mean the replacement bassist for Metallica, the replacement guitarist for Guns N' Roses, and the uh...replacement hose for Bret Michaels couldn't come up with an original name for a prefabricated band? Shocking.

Just to illustrate the density of the folks making creative decisions for this "supergroup" - the original Supernova has been around since 1989, been on the line-up for 2 Warped Tours, and was under contract to Atlantic Records. In other words, not exactly four buddies playing high school proms.

My college roommate (who I'm sure will be pissed that this is the first time I mention him on here) has been imploring me to watch this show. Discovering this story just reinforces my decision to avoid it.

Nevermind the fact that I'm not a huge fan of any of the bands these dudes previously schlepped for, but I just can't bring myself to watch an hour of what amounts to High-Stakes Karaoke. American Idol for Straight Men and Lesbians, if you will.

To that end - when you strip away the stage show, it's really just karaoke without the alcohol-laden kitschiness. None of these contestants are ever going to sing "Build Me Up, Buttercup" or "Afternoon Delight" are they? Didn't think so. What fun is that?

Even more depressing, some of the show's viewers will have the poor fortune to actually pay money to see Super...uh...whatever their name will be...tour. These are likely the same people who perpetuate the rampancy of cover bands across our fair nation.

I know people who get uber-excited about going to see less talented people play more talented people's music, and gleefully shell out $5 - $10 to do so. Unless I'm seeing a musician that might someday come out with an album of their own music, I am pretty reluctant to pay a cover. I avoid them like the plague anyway.

It's part of living in the city, I guess. Let me get this straight - I'll pay 5 bucks to get into your bar, and I still have to pay 4 dollars a pop for a beer? Really, you're too kind.

Sadly, I'm in the minority. I do have to say, though, that it's a good way to weed out potential dates. If your sole reason for being out is so you can see this "totally awesome 80's cover band", you're probably not someone I'm going to connect with. Thanks for gathering en masse. Your attendance is duly noted.

The cruel irony in all of this has to do with where I'm going tonight - off to eliminate another ten score single women from my dating pool. Damn you, pop culture!
Oh, and my suggestion for a new band name? Easy...they should be called Armada!

It Is Imperative That We Shield This Single Family Residence, 2006 Edition

It's finally here. When I was a child, my favorite time of the year was obviously Summer. As an adult, though, Summer might as well just be called Spring, part 2. I still have to work, but then I have to take extra care that my non-existant pigment isn't exposed to those harmful UV rays.

To put it mildly, other than the reduced traffic on my way to work - Summer is your hot ex-girlfriend from high school, who looks even better now. Meanwhile, you look like...well...you, and you can't have her anymore.

That's why I welcome the early rustlings of Fall. For a child of the South, Autumn kicked off Thursday night, no pun intended, with the first games of the College Football season.

I'll have to say, last year will be hard to top for me. 2005 was the greatest football season of my life. I really only have 2 others that merit mentioning:

1990: My first season of really paying attention to the college game. Georgia Tech, led by the nasally commands of Bobby Ross, goes 11-0-1 to win a share of the National Championship with Colorado. The only blemish on Tech's record was a 13-13 tie at the hands of Mack Brown's North Carolina Tar Heels. Incidentally, it was the last time one of his team's showed up for a game against a highly ranked opponent before last season.

1998: My NFL entry. I've been a Falcons fan since I knew what football was. The only two players I knew when I was a toddler were Terry Bradshaw and Steve Barsss-kowski (Bartkowski in kidspeak). So, it stands to reason that the Falcons only trip to the Super Bowl is in here. The 1998 NFC Championship Game doesn't get the credit it deserves as being one of the best ever. The 14-2 Falcons upsetting the media darling 15-1 Vikings. I got to watch the game with my entire family, and I will never forget that feeling when I realized Jamal Anderson tore his ACL next year. Of course, Eugene Robinson celebrated in a much different way than I would have, and the Dirty Birds went meekly to John Elway and his Broncos in Super Bowl XXXIII.

Both these seasons occupy a space on my Hot-Button List. That's the list my friends know they can go to if they want to see Angry Eric. The reasons being - there is no way a 10-1-1 Colorado team (including their infamous 5-Down victory over Missouri, and another Ref-Aided win over Notre Dame in the Orange Bowl) deserved any part of the National Title. Because of the asinine system that did (and still does) exist in Division I-A, the two best teams in the country couldn't settle it on the field that year. In that same year, 12-year-old Eric becomes a proponent of College Football Playoffs. The Falcons season is there because folks like to claim they were a fluke. Not true...the truth is they didn't provide for the likelihood of Jamal Anderson getting injured. Dan Reeves made the same mistake a few years later with Appalachian State wins the I-AA National Title. That's right, I-AA. I would guess that this might be one of the few blogs that has ever covered both professional soccer and I-AA football in the same year

I'm sure you're loading up your tired small college jokes for the comments section, and that's fine. I'm guessing you probably root for a school that you didn't even graduate from, or an Alma Mater that provides you with some sporting metaphor of acceptance because you can sit in a stadium with 70k + on a Saturday and all pull for the same team.

Okay, maybe this goes on the Hot Button list, too. I look at it this way, I'm not going to ever detract from a 2A High School for winning its State Title because they aren't 5A. They were presented with a similar set of perameters, and provided competition with schools under those same qualifications, and proved to be the best. That's something to be proud of. Add to that, it's the school that provided me with my degree, and there you have it.

Back to my original point, it was a fun ride. Thers is no substitute for playoff football. Former I-A Head Coach Bill Curry said as much while covering the Appalachian State-Furman Semi-Final last year. The fact that the teams know that they are done if they lose exponentially increases the intensity of said match-up. You can argue that a 1 loss team in I-A might behave in similar fashion because, as the BS line goes "The whole season counts." The lack of immediacy, and the I-A Pacifier (i.e. a Bowl Game, of which there are 34) often seems to mitigate that effect.

I hate it, too...it's the biggest problem I have with College Football. Maybe it's the fact that I was weened on the NFL, or maybe it's just the fact that I am not functionally retarded, but Bowls generally suck. In this way, I guess I look at the College Game as that girl I love, but who I know will never change their foolish ways. Still, I keep coming back, hoping they will finally see the error of their ways.

Ah well, here's to another fun season.

But I Ain't One To Gossip...

Following up on Monday's Ode to Spanky (note the Braves' destruction yesterday with him out of the lineup), I have to give some credit to the ladies at On The DL.

As a blogger, you get inspiration from all manner of resources; whether it be discussions with your buddies, TV shows, or other blogs. Well, my whole McCann as Wingman analogy evolved, in large part, from this picture (that once appeared) on their blog:

Let the man with no sin cast the first stone.

Yep, that's our hero...WingMcCann. As I described it to one of the ladies at On The DL - he's the well meaning, kind of chubby dude, who...while not a lady killer like his buddy Jeff...still deserves to be loved. I'm sure some of us can relate.

I pointed out, though, that this picture made me more of a McCann fan because it humanized him. Who, at 22, didn't have a picture like this of themselves or a good buddy?

The site is full of similar themed photos and plenty of juicy gossip, flowing in from all across MLB Nation. You get to see that baseball players are really just like us...with millions of dollars, weird sex fetishes, the ability to meet women just because they are athletes, and free shoes.

Well, they like to drink like us, at least.

It's now a denizen of my "Other Window" links, and my fantasies - that all the ladies writing said blog are devastatingly gorgeous, and way out of my league. But maybe...just maybe...someday...

They'll ask to be introduced to my more attractive friend.

(Sigh) A guy can dream, can't he?

Update: They linked me! They really linked me!!

Mighty WingM(cc)an(n)

I decided earlier this year, that if the Atlanta Braves were the Singles scene, Brian "Spanky" McCann would be the Wingman to Chick Magnet, Jeff "Frenchy" Francoeur.

Some folks may see that as an insult, but not me. In the Young Man's World, there isn't a guy more revered than the Wingman. He rarely gets noticed by casual observers, but is devastatingly effective in ensuring the success of the mission. Even if it means taking a lesser wom...er...role. He brings the Most Valuable to The Player, if you will. In this Wingman's case, he probably IS the Braves MVP.

After yet another 2-3 night on Tuesday, Spanky is living up to his Masher-imposed nickname by hitting a cool .352 for the season. If not for an extended injury layoff back in May and June, he would be over 10 points ahead of his nearest competitor for the NL Batting Title. On top of that, he would present us with an unprecedented possibility - pure Catchers sweeping the 2006 National and American League Batting Crowns (joining Joe Mauer of the Twins). Only two true catchers have ever won a batting title, incidentally, the last being Ernie Lombardi of the 1942 Boston Braves. Of course, we can't forget Reds great Bubbles Hargrave winning in 1926 can we?! You bet we can.

Thanks, however, to McCann's aforementioned ankle injury (which I discussed when it occurred); McCann may not get that chance.

For the uninitiated, to qualify for a Batting Title, you have to average at least 3.1 plate appearances a, or 502 over a 162 game schedule. McCann currently sits at 2.9 (318 total), and thus needs to average a very un-catcher-playing-for-Bobby Cox-like 3.6 PA's a game over the last 51 games of this season. Sadly, the only way he may be able to get there is by the Braves falling so far out of the Wild Card race, that Cox throws caution to the wind and lets the kid play every day.

Despite that, you can't discount what he brings to the Braves. While Francoeur gets TV commercials, SI covers, and numerous cheering sections; McCann makes All-Star teams, and chases batting crowns. While Francoeur will someday surely perch atop hitting stats charts, and make All-Star rosters; McCann has already brought those accolades, along with a mature and consistent approach to the Braves locker room - one that is rarely seen in players his age. All of this, while his roommate essentially gives him the baseball version of a cock block.

Nonetheless, like a good Wingman should, he'll quietly and effectively do his job. Whether it's catching the latest journeyman they bring up to fill in for yet another injured starter, or resisting the urge to secretly re-inflict Chris Reitsma with ulnar neuritis, he'll take one for the team - so his buddy can live the dream. Wingmaaaaaayyaaaaannnn...

Editor's Note: Supposedly, there's a rule out there that would allow Spanky to win the batting title, even if he doesn't meet the minimum number of PA's. It essentially states that they count the remaining appearances to 502 as outs, and if he still has a higher batting average than the league leader, he would win the batting title. If anyone can confirm that this is actually the rule, let me know. Either way, there would have to be a massive gap between he and the leader for this to come into play.