-A tragedy of national proportions will befall the ESPN studios, as Lou Holtz will drown an entire studio tour with his saliva, all while making ridiculously unfounded predictions about a Notre Dame BCS berth. Notre Dame will finish the season at 7-5.
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-Nick Saban will spend the latter half of 2007, in his office, curled up in the fetal position. Meanwhile, some Birmingham area boosters begin the search for the next mediocre NFL head coach to take over the flagging Crimson Tide program. Norv Turner is introduced as the new coach in January.
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-Butch Davis begins to reconsider his choice of schools when he's asked to address to one of his Tar Heel colleagues only as "Mr. Coach Williams, Sir".
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-Across the Research Triangle (which, by the way, woman hate having their hoo-hoos referred to as), Tom O'Brien flies into a panic when he realizes that he's never learned how to coach a home game where every seat is filled. NC State still manages to defeat rivals North Carolina because their head coach has been asked to go get lunch for the UNC basketball team.
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-On November 17th, South Florida shocks the nation as they win the Big East by upsetting #1 Louisville in front of a raucous crowd of 47 at Raymond James Stadium. The Orange Bowl planning committee commits mass suicide.
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-FSU and Miami, realizing they've been surpassed by USF, will merge their football programs thanks to some lobbying by a well known Hurricane Booster. They are henceforth known as 2 Live U.
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-Mark Richt will continue a proud tradition of ignoring the running game when he unveils Georgia's new "No Back" offense. The running backs retaliate by kidnapping all of the Bulldogs quarterbacks and hiding them on the last row at Stegeman Coliseum, where no one ever sits.
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-Darren McFadden pulls of the impressive feat of winning The Heisman, and Arkansas Sportscaster of the year when, in a shocking spate of injuries, he is inexplicably forced to do Play-by-Play from the field.--------------------------------------
-With ESPN no longer compelled to pump up The Big 10, thanks to the new Big 10 Network, the World Wide Leader will shock America when, during a Tuesday night game, they proclaim Conference USA to be the toughest conference in America.
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-On New Year's Day, seismic activity is reported in the unlikely locale of Jacksonville, FL. The epicenter is discovered to be Alltel Stadium, in the exact spot where Maryland's Ralph Friedgen and Kansas' Mark Mangino have just met for their pre-game handshake. Thankfully, no one is injured.
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-USC will forfeit its National Title to LSU when it's discovered that John David Booty is actually supposed older brother, Josh, who just can't let go of his failed career.
-Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit will refer to my alma mater as Appalayshun State no less than a dozen times leading up to the Mountaineers season opener at Michigan. This, despite the school's brilliantly subversive marketing campaigns and outspoken activist students.
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-Upon winning their 3rd Consecutive I-AA...err...FCS title, Appalachian State is promoted to I-A...err FBS in place of relegated Temple. The Owls will fall all the way to Division III before finally dropping football in 2010.
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-Upon winning their 3rd Consecutive I-AA...err...FCS title, Appalachian State is promoted to I-A...err FBS in place of relegated Temple. The Owls will fall all the way to Division III before finally dropping football in 2010.
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Enjoy the season everybody!
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