Monday, May 22, 2006


I've probably only caught Fox's hit med-drama House about a half a dozen times, but it has already succeeded in turning me into pseudo-hypochondriac. It's not that I constantly worry about my health, but the show finds the most abstract ways to place its patients on the brink of certain death, and I can't help but try and translate its sensationalism to the real world.

Week after week, these doctors are forced to deal with mysterious, undiagnosed, diseases...all from people living in the general vicinity of the hospital. Just another reason to stay away from Central New Jersey.

I have no problem suspending disbelief when watching. The only thing that really bothers me about the show is Omar Epps' character. Epps, whom they dragged away from playing athletes in various sports movies, plays Dr. Eric Foreman. The show is on Fox. Seems like they could have done a little research and found out that another relatively successful Fox show has/had a major character of the same name. Is that too much to ask? I guess the Fox Network's Random Name Generator must have reached capacity.

Anyway, while feeling less than 100% healthy over the last 18 hours, I've found myself cataloging random occurrances in my life that could potentially lead to being infected with maladies such as an agressive brain fungus or the bubonic plague (both actual diagnoses on the show). Now, a brief listing from the last few days. Please, pray for my health:

- Walked on rubberized track in sandals...sandal thong becomes detached from insole the next day.
- Used Splenda...thought it tasted like sugar
- Drank energy drink after drinking coffee...felt twitchy
- Ate at Taco Bell...later forced to hold in gas
- Pet a stray meowed
- Found bug sitting on thumb...shrieked like a little girl

Of course, this illin' could just be the result of drinking too much and not getting enough sleep this weekend, but I must remain vigilant! That case of scarlet fever could be just one airborne mite away!

While we are on the subject of being less than 100%, I have to apologize to Brian "Spanky" McCann. Frenchy's wing-man has become the latest victim of my Fantasy Baseball curse. After adding him to my team last week, the Braves cherubic catcher promptly went out and got hurt this weekend during a homeplate collision with the Diamondbacks' Eric Byrnes.

I personally take the blame not only for picking him up, but also for saying he was like "Greg Olson, with a better bat"...which preceded him almost replicating Olson's horrific ankle injury, circa 1992. Thankfully, he should be back soon. The guy who hit Olson in '92 was Ken Caminiti. For Eric Byrnes' sake, I'll avoid making any comparisons there. We'll just say he "Erstaded" McCann, and leave it at that.

I just saw this as I was about to post - another reminder how men and animals aren't all that different. Kentucky Derby winner, Barbaro, is facing a fight for his life. Does this stop him from spittin' some game at the mares? Hell no!


melissa, M.D. said...

1. Since I am now a doctor, I can no longer offer FREE medical advice, but I'll let this one slide: you're an idiot to think that you might have Naegleria fowleri.

2. You are completely skipping over the Cubs-Sox catcher brawl?? How could you??

3. You're just watching House b/c you have a thing for pretty brunette doctors.

Eric said...

1. Thanks for putting it in layman's terms. I didn't think I had that...but now I'm beginning to wonder.

2. I'm more concerned about the health of my team's catcher than one catcher cold-cocking another...and then feeling really bad about it.

3. Guilty as charged...but I also like the blonde on Scrubs. :)

Jamie said...

I like House a lot. You can justify it with they're a special team, not just general ER practitioners, so it's not like EVERYONE has these strange diseases.

Jamie said...

And you totally stole my word for getting drunk. You mock it, then you steal it!

Eric said...

That would be true...if I were talking about getting drunk. It's also a sports term for getting your ass kicked...which I guess can happen when drinking, too.

Okay, fine, I'm a word whore! I also go for easy puns, which is another reason I picked that title. I just don't think "plantationed" would have worked here.

Maybe I should watch more, but it always seems like the folks are semi-local. Of course, the show is set in Central Jersey, so it's close to Philly and NYC...where there are who knows how many freaky diseases trolling around.

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