Friday, May 12, 2006

Girl Drink Drunk

As I was walking back to work today, heavily creamed and sugared Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee in hand, I began to wonder if I was the coffee equivalent of a "Girl Drink Drunk".

Maybe it's just in the male world, but you can get alot of crap from the guys that either a)only put sugar in their coffee, or b) drink it black. Here I am, not only putting cream and sugar in it, but also icing it down so I don't huwt the woof of my widdew mouf. Did I mention I also had them put French Vanilla flavoring in it? Geez.

For some reason, one of my favourite Kids In The Hall skits sprang to mind (note I used the "u" in favourite, since they're Canadian). For me, the genesis of the phrase "Girl Drink Drunk":

Okay, hopefully you're still reading, and not just watching that. The phrase was probably used before them, but their skit is what I always think of. It's also one of those references I can use to test just how in tune I am with a potential friend...if they've heard of that skit, or Conan O'Brien as Moleculo on SNL, they score major cool points. Okay, nerd points.

In some ways, this coffee thing is alot like when you first start drinking. You go for the wine coolers, and the Zima with jolly ranchers, but are eventually ridiculed into choking down either MGD or The Beast. It hurts then, of course, but I am a big believer in the idea that if I didn't drink that swill, I wouldn't be the beer snob I am today.

Guys usually won't admit it, but we like the girly drinks too. I remember one time when me and 2 buddies ordered Mudslides, and felt wrong for liking them so much. Really, though, what's not to like? Milkshake? Kahlua? Where do I order? It's embarassing, but it happened. I have yet to develop the cajones to order one solo in a normal bar setting.

For the record, though, I do enjoy a good dirty Gin Martini (on the rocks of course, can't get people whispering by using the martini glass), and I can do Scotch if it's a really good Scotch - none of that Red Label crap.

As you can see, this iced coffee had me thinking for some reason. I began to wonder -maybe this isn't the only thing my coffee says about me. Maybe I really like my coffee like I like my women. Do they need to be as close to white as possible, extra sweet, and a little frigid? That can't be good. Maybe I just haven't had the fortunate experience of drinking some straight-up hot, black coffee yet? Maybe the, uh, coffee...yeah, coffee...doesn't like to add Vanilla flavoring to itself. Who knows? I've also heard hot tea can be good, but you have to make sure it knows you're not a cop.

Then I remembered why I hate Sex and the City so much. While I may write this for a laugh, that show would get an overly ponderous 30 minutes out of this premise. Even worse, some woman would probably mull this drivel over afterwards. What a waste of syndication.

Trivia Update: Since it's the inspiration for my title, I have to let you all know that it was a good week, trivia wise. My Wednesday night crew took 2nd place at Mellow Mushroom, while our Thursday night team notched a dominating victory at Willy's. For the first time in my 9-10 years of bar trivia, I was part of a perfect game. It's quite an impressive feat when 8 people can pool their useless knowledge, and lay waste to feeble minded drunks. You know you're jealous.


melissa said...

i'm just happy that you used cajones in your blog.

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