Monday, April 02, 2007

Deprived Indifference

It's been a while, my dearest blog...

I'd be remiss if I didn't offer my two cents on tonight's game between Florida and Ohio State. It seems the Sports Gods have conspired against me. For the 2nd time in 3 months, I'll be subjected to Buckeyes and Gators duelling for the right to be called Supreme Commander of The Order of The Jean Shorts.

Obviously, the edge goes to The Gators. They do, after all, have a website that proclaims their superiority in this As I was wandering through a see of unnecessarily revealing denim in The CNN Center today, I was reminded that Buckeye fans have the ability to take it a step further with mustaches. Their dogged one-upsmanship has gotten them this far twice, but will it be enough? Will all of the gasoline doused couches in Columbus get their just desserts?

Incidentally, I was also reminded that - unless they are sporting your teams garb - large groups of middle aged men wearing collegiate apparel will almost always resemple large bags o' douche.

Back to my original point - regardless of whether or not furniture is incinerated in Buckeyeland, it's a lose-lose situation for Ohio State. Yes, they get the basketball National Title from Florida, but they will receive it with everyone knowing they would like to trade it for that gaudy crystal football the Gators got to hoist back in January. Well, everyone but the basketball team will feel that way.

Again, I really don't know who to root for. I guess, as a Southerner, I'm supposed to feel some sort of loyalty to the SEC. That just can't account for the fact that Joakim Noah scares me. There's something slightly off about him - the semi-stache, the dancing, the hair that is only a spontaneous pregame slumber party away from showing up on the court in a French Braid. It all makes me uneasy.

Of course, I know that means I'll hear the words "With the 5th Pick in the NBA Draft, the Hawks select Joakim Noah." in June...

I wouldn't mind picking up Greg Oden, but as we know...the NBA won't rig the draft lottery for the Hawks like they did when the Cavaliers got LeBron James. Otherwise, Dwight Howard would be dominating the middle in his hometown right now, alongside childhood buddy Josh Smith. Sigh.

I think ultimately what has tipped the scales is the fact that I don't want a man named Thad coaching a team to a National Title. The success of any man named Thad will unnecessarily embolden spikey-haired, pop-collared kids everywhere. Next thing you know, guys named Chet, Talan, Chazz, and Austin will be leading teams to the Final Four. We just can't let that happen!

So...uh...Go Gators, I guess.

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