Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Call me Brantley...

Or Carlton...because I am officially living in an 80's comedy now. The only difference is I haven't conned my way to the top of my uncle's corporation while hooking up with Helen Slater.

I do, however, have the requisite promiscuous neighbor. You know, the one who is heard, but never seen. I'll set the stage for you:

The place: My cozy little VaHi apartment. I'm lying in bed, listening to the relaxing tunes of B 98.5 (seriously, I've done this since I was 13) when I think I detect some sort of noise hitting on the off beat of the song. I turn the radio down and hear - creak...creak-creak-creakcreakcreak...

That's right, my neighbor is gettin' it on. I really think this will hinder my ability to sleep, so I pray that he is a quick draw. Luckily, I am right. 2 (maybe 3) minutes tops. I am sure his girl loved that.

This guy definitely makes an interesting neighbor for being relatively invisible. He just bought a late 80's Mercury Grand Marquis, which naturally has 20" rims on it. Pretty much like putting lipstick on a pig. To protect his ghetto fabulous investment, he has installed the most sensitive car alarm known to man. It blares out at least twice a night...and late. I really don't see the point - it's set off so much, I don't think anyone in our area gives any thought to it anymore.

I don't know if folks would be too upset if someone did steal his hoopdie. My thought is this - there are so many late model SUV's, sports cars, sedans, etc. in this part of town - who's going to want a Grand Marquis? The sad fact is that he probably bought the alarm to protect his wheels.

But back to The Secret of My Suce$$ (note the clever use of the $'s). What the hell happened to Helen Slater? I know she's done some TV work, but why has the movie career dried up? Does she just spend all day hanging out with Judge Reinhold, Steve Guttenberg, and Molly Ringwald?

She was definitely one of those chicks who was "80's hot", much like Ringwald. If they came around today, I don't think anyone would have given them a second look. Back then, though, they would have been in Maxim, if it existed...

By the way, in checking up on these fallen 80's icons, I discovered that they are in pre-production for a new Police Academy movie. Wow. Even worse, it appears to have much of the cast from the initial trilogy, including Tim Kazurinsky of SNL non-fame. Stay tuned, I'm sure we'll need to organize a camp out for tickets to this one.


Jamie said...

is the best neighbor/ sex story I read all week. I laughed so hard I cried and drooled on myself!

2-3 mins? Are you sure he's not alone?

Eric said...

If he was, he was sure enjoying himself.

You don't make that much noise alone. Ahem - not that I would know. :)