Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Burnt Head, Frozen Arse

Ah,the joys of being a redhead (almost "former", in my case). Only we can seem to be able to get sunburn in 45 degree weather. You would think having to put on a toboggan before you go outside would mean you are safe from harmful UV rays, but no. Now, I am getting reacquainted with my old friend, Solarcane.

This defintely explains why my people were not only prone to chilly places, but generally overcast areas like the British Isles and Scandanavia. As I've often said, we don't tan...we burst into flames! I actually do own a few bottles of sunblock, but since I am not a girl, nor carry a man-purse, I never have it when I actually need it! On the bright side (really, no pun intended when I wrote that), I got the burn doing a nice little service project for my church on Saturday.

It's kind of odd, the things you get roped into doing when lending a helping hand. We spent 3 hours shovelling a 7-foot high pile of gravel so a garbage truck could get to the dumpster of the Atlanta Youth Academy. I don't know that we necessarily made the world a better place, but maybe...just maybe...we made the students' learning environment slightly less smelly. That's something, right? On top of that, I got to flash my rippling biceps for all the ladies in attendance. They are all still fanning themselves, in a fit of Southern Belle swooning. At least, they are in my mind.

Of course, we also were able to amuse some of the neighborhood locals, as they observed a couple dozen yuppie crackers breaking our backs on a Saturday morning. I think they would have enjoyed it more knowing I had received only 4 hours of sleep the night before.

I was also reminded, upon seeing a stoplight in their cafeteria, about the dreaded prospect of silent lunch! Did everyone have this? For the fortunately unitiated...the light is somehow triggered by increases in sound. Once it reaches red, you have silent lunch for a period of time. Our school had a 3 strikes, and you're out rule. At the 3rd offense, it was silent lunch for the rest of the period. I don't know what company developed these sound activated lights, but I blame them. This appears to be the only logical use for such an invention.

We got done at the school in the early afternoon. After a long nap, I got the other spectrum of this weather, spending 3 hours spot-freezing my cheeks to the cold bleachers of scenic Russ Chandler Stadium, on the underratedly picturesque campus of Georgia Tech. My friend, Will, was in town from Charlotte, and wanted to go to a college baseball game for some reason. I find college baseball pretty boring. Not only is there generally less talent than a Single A clash, there's no beer. The pitchers generally suck, too (if they didn't they'd be in the minors somewhere). This results in teams scoring twice as many runs as they have hits. Not a good sign.

Fortunately, the Jackets were playing N. Carolina, and any chance to root against the S--t Heels is welcome on my calendar. Tech won 11-1, and the baseball gods smiled on me by getting the game over in under 3 hours. A sporting miracle!

Okay, random thought time. I am frequently subjected to Bowflex commercials on numerous cable TV stations. I don't know if anyone else suffers from this hounding. Apparently, the Bowflex suite of products has now grown to include Crispy, Original Recipe Bowflex, some sort of Bowflex with free-weight simulating discs ("It's really smooth, it almost glides." the faux random- guy- in- the- gym claims!), and adjustable barbells. I'll spare you the links. My question is this - are we honestly supposed to believe all the uber-toned, muscular men and women got their figures from these contraptions?

I've now realized the best part about my blog. My friends are no longer subject to my rambling e-mails. They can now just visit this virtual tribute to my lack of conciseness. You're welcome.


Jamie said...

1. Keep a bottle in your truck. Problem solved.

2. Sorry you only got 4 hours of sleep. Ok, I'm not.

3. Silent Lunch is probably the gayest thing I ever heard of. Unfortunately, I was so quiet in elementary school that most lunches were indeed silent for me.

4. You're completely wrong about college baseball. It's my favorite sport outting!

5. "Yuppie cracker" is a good description for you.

6. So true about the Bowflex. It could be worse though. You could do all that exercise and end up looking like Tony Little...

Eric said...

Actually, showtunes lunch would probably be gayer.

I left my car at church, along with my pallor protecting baseball cap. :(

melissa said...

ah, so refreshing to have one central location for your rants and raves.

Eric said...

I do what I can...