Put Up or Shut Up

Do you ever watch a Game Show, and think that you are exponentially better than the contestants currently in the studio? This happens to me alot, and even happened again this weekend while watching Norm MacDonald, doing Burt Reynolds, insisted on being called Turd Ferguson on SNL's send-up of Celebrity Jeopardy!, then how much of a Pop Culture aficianado are you really?

Well, time for speculation on my Game Show worthiness is quickly drawing to a close. This week, I am flying to New York City to be a contestant on the ESPN Show, Stump The Schwab. If you haven't seen it, the show pits 3 contestants against ESPN's long-time Head Researcher, Howie Schwab. I enjoy watching the show, and have often felt I would do well on it. I've at least been proved partially correct by passing the audition.

No pressure, of course. After all, I haven't named my blog after a trivia game or anything. Depending on what transpires up there, I may have to start calling this place Chutes and Ladders. Let's hope I can keep the name I currently have.

The amount of information I have tried to take in over the last few weeks has been staggering. I think if I had studied this hard in college, I might actually have a job where I don't have time to write in my blog during the middle of work. Nonetheless, this is finally an opportunity to put to use all those years of seasoning on my high school's Quiz Bowl Team, and all those nights out at bars coming up with clever team names like "Cynthia McKinney, Ultimate Fighting Champion", while furiously scribbling answers on little notepads - all for the glory of free burritos/beer/pizza/Hooters wings.

Since this is only a taping, I'll keep you in suspense until the show actually airs. My plan is to do what I guess you could call a "tape-delayed blog" later on.

It won't be easy, though. To put it lightly, The Schwab knows his stuff. How well does he know it? Well, I decided to e-mail Jeopardy! Legend Ken Jennings to see if he had any advice, this is what he wrote:

I wish I could be more help, but man, the Schwab is pretty good. I'm no
sports trivia expert, so I couldn't begin to tell you what the right
books are to study, but when I watch that show, I'm pretty impressed
with that guy. Good luck.

-Ken

Well, at least I can endeavor to lay waste to my fellow contestants, before being humbled by a bigger bastion of useless information than I. As long as my Game Show experience doesn't turn out like this, I think I'll be okay.

Chasing McGraw

They said no one could ever touch it. They didn't plan on Bobby Cox. As the Atlanta Braves engage in a pivotal series with The St. Louis Cardinals, Bobby Cox stands on the cusp of greatness. After getting the heave-ho against the Padres on Sunday, he is only 8 ejections away from tieing the venerable John McGraw for the highest number of said exits in Major League history.

Surely, it is an achievement to be marvelled. The ability to incite the infallible, reasoned men who act as baseball's on-field arbiters is nothing short of art. To do it over 120 times is something few can hope to accomplish in their lifetimes.

Sadly, though, some feel Cox's pursuit of McGraw's ghost is tainted by the modern game. Witness, if you will, the thoughts of one of my fellow Braves fans...relayed via e-mail this afternoon:

It's just not the same as in the old days. I mean, nowadays there's all that watered down umping going on. Plus, with all the vitamins and extra fiber that old people are getting...I saw a picture of Bobby from his rookie year, and he looks nothing like it. I mean he didn't fill out that Yankees uniform at all, but he looks huge in the Braves one. Can we say juicing?

- G. Mac

I really want to disagree, I want to scream that I am not looking at the world through Braves colored glasses. The damning evidence, though, is plain when presented in photographs:

Bobby Cox with the Yankees, circa 1967

Here, we see the young, spry Cox as he starts off his Major League journey. Free of Ejections, and yet unknowingly poised to make his mark on the record books.

Now, we take a look at the man who is primed to be tossed more times than Tom Cruise in Key West:

Bobby Cox Today

Based on the visual evidence, it's certainly a compelling argument. One that Bob Ley is sure to address on Outside The Lines in the near future.

As for me, I'm taking Bobby's side. We've become so cynical as baseball fans, that we refuse to believe that a manager can get the gate solely on dogged determination, and a single-minded focus on his craft. After all, this is a man Ozzie Guillen lists as a major influence in his managerial career.

He has never tested positive for these alleged "performance enhancers", and has there is nothing tangible to prove he would test otherwise. For now I say, don't let the naysayers get you down, Bobby - go get your record! This fan just hopes he's able to break it at home.

In Defense of Billy Knight

I need to take a quick break from dousing myself in World Cup hysteria to engage in a pet cause of mine - maligned Atlanta Hawks' GM Billy Knight.

Eschewing all clever puns - I need to get down to business here. I know years of mediocrity, followed by years of losing, has caused many a slumbering Atlanta Hawks fans to froth at the mouth, and apparently fancy themselves the Basketball Schuerholz.

You see, they all claim they would have drafted Chris Paul, even though most NBA experts tabbed Marvin Williams was the 2nd best player in the draft. They also would have held on to Boris Diaw (ignoring the fact that he's presently the product of playing on a supremely talented team) scuttleing the trade for the only legit NBA star on the Hawks 2006 roster. Remember - winning Slam Dunk competitions doesn't make you a star, right Kenny Walker?

After reading the morning-after analysis of the Hawks' draft in the comments section Sekou Smith's blog on AJC.com this morning, I'm convinced Hawks fans would give your average Ole Miss fan a run for their money in the I.Q. department.

Sekou does a great job covering the Hawks, there is no doubt about that, but the folks who choose to comment on his on-line blog have clearly spent too much time buying crack around Philips Arena, and less time actually watching the basketball team that calls it home.

In case you didn't know, the Hawks are apparently only a rookie-Point-Guard-in-a-decidedly-weak-draft away from making the NBA playoffs, and Shelden Williams is the same player as the Joshes and Marvin.

Mind you, The Landlord probably outweighs Marvin and Childress combined, is built like an NFL Tight End, and relishes his role playing post defense. That is somehwere the Hawks were constantly outmanned all of last year, and one of the biggest reasons they were 20th in the leaugue in rebounding, and 26th in team defense. Of course, most of these Fire Billy zealots don't even have enough synapses pulsing to realize that those 3 current Hawks are more suited for the 2-3 positions, while Shelden fits snugly in the Power Forward role. In this era of few true NBA centers, his large frame also should allow him to be the 5 during certain periods of play. Considering the lack of depth behind Zaza, this is something that cannot be discounted.

Don't let that stop the hate, though. These "fans" are all convinced that Randy Foye and Brandon Roy were all we needed in Atlanta, because ESPN's Insiders (never known for overstating things) called Foye the player in the draft "most like Dwayne Wade". Yeah, well I'm the guy on my Trivia team most like Ken Jennings, but don't expect me to rule Jeopardy(!) anytime soon.

To pile on - the AJC's Mark Bradley, who has developed an increasing propesnity to annoy me, criticized the Hawks in his column today. His complaint? The Hawks didn't listen to the fans who wanted to draft Dee Brown with their 2nd Round pick. I didn't think someone could one-up the feeble thoughts of the commenters, but here's someone who thinks those same vacuous souls should have a hand in populating the roster. It's bad enough to have the national media constantly taking their tired, cliched, pot-shots at the Hawks leadership, but to have the local media be so equally clueless is infuriating.

Now, more than ever, I want the Hawks to do well. I've gone on record as being excited about where this team is going. With all these insufferable morons wasting the local bandwidth with their fool-proof solutions on how to fix the team, I really want Knight to be able to shove it back in their face come April of 2007. The best thing about him, though, is that I know he won't.

T.W.I.S. #2 - Nuts and bolts...nuts and bolts...

As the US Soccer Attacks clock on my sidebar appropriately sits at 00:00:00:00, I'm realizing my biggest fear from last week's initial T.W.I.S., and that's having to eulogize the 2006 US World Cup squad. After doing what a proper soccer fan would - smashing in a few store fronts, over-turning and igniting cars, and clashing with riot police - I'm now ready to focus my rage into a blog.

The final nail in the Good Ship Tread Upon's coffin was, of course, shoddy officiating. Believe it or not, I can't quibble too much with Jorge Larrionda, the official from the Italy match. His red card on Pablo Mastroeni was not as rash as some may think. I've watched enough international matches to know that lunging into an opposing player with the bottom of both your cleats exposed can, and will, lead to a red card. It was not a wise play by Mastroeni.

It's also probably not one he makes if he is exposed to pressure cooker situations more often, as opposed to playing in front of lukewarm support at cavernous Invesco Field every other week. The Eddie Pope sending off was also not as dubious either since Pope was aware of the fact that he already had one yellow card, and thus should not attempt to tackle anyone from behind. He did not appear up to snuff at this World Cup anyway, so the wisest decision would have likely been for Bruce Arena to take him off at the half for Jimmy Conrad...who played much better than Pope in his 1 1/2 matches. He also keeps an amusing journal on Soccernet, which I linked to him.

Ironically, my biggest issues are with the decisions of the 2-time FIFA World Referee of the Year, Marcus Merk, who essentially gift wrapped both Ghanaian goals in the US' swan song. While Haminu Draman's disposessing of Claudio Reyna in the brief lead-up to his opening goal may not have been a foul in other games, it was by the standards Merk had applied earlier in the match - and would later. Those same hyper-sensitive standards (which were absent in Draman's reverse dead-legging of Reyna) conveniently reappeared when Razak Pimpong took a dive in the American penalty box - leading to the subsequent, damning, Ghana penalty kick. The only way Merk could have enraged me more, is if he adopted this style of officiating:



Okay, that actually might have made it easier to take, because that's pretty damn funny. Obviously, being down 2 questionable goals to your 1 legitimate tally, is a hard pill to swallow. That alone, however, cannot be blamed for this forgettable 3 game stretch.

In my preview, I predicted the US would find a way out of this group before capitulating to Brazil. I can't say I really believed that. Ever the optimist, though, I had to say it in hopes that it would come true. In all honesty, I never really felt that good about this team. There were just too many holes, and the promising players from '02 who should have been much better by now, really weren't. I'm speaking primarily of Landon Donovan and DaMarcus Beasley. While Beasley initially appeared to have benefitted greatly from his move to PSV Eindhoven, he seemed to regress this year under the weight of heightened expectations.

As for Donovan - this may be picking at low hanging fruit - It's so frustrating to watch someone who could potentially be a star in a World Class league be perfectly content to be the big fish in the small pond that is Major League Soccer. He claims to want what is best for soccer in America. I he really meant that, he would sack-up and head to Europe for 4-6 years. The fact that casual fans only quadrenially pay attention to soccer in this country seems lost on him. No amount of winning MLS Cups, or scoring goals domestically, will cause Joe Six Pack to take notice. Helping your team to the World Cup Semi-finals, or beyond, will. There are dozens of teams in Europe's top leagues who could use his services. Time for him to find one.

As for Bruce Arena - I think this should be the last time we see him on the sideline for US Soccer, barring resurfacing after a successful stint in Europe. While he's definitely been valuable in this period of US Soccer, he was a little out of his depth in this World Cup. Despite all the rosy memories of '02, we still were a goal post away from suffering this same fate after failing to show up against Poland. What this team now needs is a proven winner on the international level. Someone who can mesh our propensity to be unselfish, entirely to a fault, with some attacking juice. Who that man is remains a question mark. I'm guessing he'll come from Northern Europe (but not Sweden), and is currently preparing for his next match in Germany.

As was our format from last week (By the way, ESPN still sucks at broadcasting soccer), some individual plaudits from the last 7 Days:

Best Managerial Moves: Spain's Luis Aragones, while unhappy with his team's performance against Saudi Arabia, effectively turned a tenuous game against Tunisia on it's ear by inserting Raul, Cesc Fabregas, and Joaquin very early in the 2nd Half (something Arena could learn to do). 3 goals later, Spain was on their way to the 2nd round.

Interestingly, as it stands right now, they could possibly face South Korea. I'm sure the Spanish would relish the opportunity to avenge their 2002 ouster, which came thanks to the requisite shady World Cup officiating.

Best Forward: It's a tough pick, but we'll go with the current tournament leader, Germany's Miroslav Klose. He seems to score in 2's notching a pair against Costa Rica, and again in Der Nationalen Mannschaft victory over Ecuador. Nonetheless, he seems to show up for Group play, scoring all 5 of his '02 goals in this stage. For Germany to advance into the latter stages of this Cup, he'll need to finally get some braces in the Knock-out Stage.

Best Midfielder:: He's here, he's there, he's every f$#*in' where, Joey Cole!! Joey Cole!!. He seemed destined to waste away on Chelsea's bench behind all the high-priced talent pouring in. Now, he seems indespensable to Club and Country. His opening cracker against Sweden, and his deft chip - leading to Steven Gerrard's goal - propelled England to the top of their group...even if they still can't beat the Swedes.

Best Defender: Okay, my last chance to be a homer in this World Cup. I'm going to be lazy and give it to Oguchi Onyewu. Despite a rough start against the Czechs, Gooch played out of his mind against Italy. He neutralized the scoring machine that is Luca Toni (he was eventually subbed out), and played very well against Ghana, even though he'll most be remembered for being the victim of Marcus Merk's sense of self-importance. If he had another center back of comparable quality back there with him from the beginning, this could have been a very different trip for the Americans.

Forgot to do this one last week, Best Keeper: Gianluigi Buffon - while dealing with his name being soiled in the Italian media, came through with a strong effort against the Czechs. He held off a rasping strike from club teammate Pavel Nedved, and several other Czech attacks, before his fellow Azzuris finally got on the board and clinched their advancement. I give it to him not only for his solid play, but for doing so on a day he could have potentially been indicted in the Italian soccer scandal. It turned out to be a doubly great day for him, as he was spared that ignominy.

By the way, I had meant to give this award last week to Trinidad and Tobago's Shaka Hislop for his stunning display against Sweden. I am sure he was fuming after my snub.

That's all for now, stay tuned for next week's Yank-free addition of ThisssWeeek Innn Soccer!

This Week In Soccer

Oh, if only I had a little claymation Mel Allen to narrate this post, and some TWIS Notes. Mmmm...TWIS Notes.

I couldn't find a picture of ClayMel, so I figured I'd use one of my second favorite component of the World Cup.

As I write this, Argentina is laying waste to Serbia & Montenegro...at the same time!
Sorry, I had to. This is their last World Cup, and they are about to be mathematically eliminated.

The S&M Boys were considered to have one of the best defenses in Europe. Argentina being able to hang 3 on them in the first half (edit: ouch, and 3 more in the 2nd) seems to indicate that we'll see a bloated Maradona rooting on the Albicelestes deep into this tournament.

So, we've reached the end of the first week of the World Cup. Ecuador (of all teams) became the first to advance to the 2nd Round, with half of their team playing professionally for the global juggernaut that is LDU Quito. How 'bout that?!

Because when you think massive soccer clubs, you think Manchester United, Real Madrid, and...okay, not LDU Quito.

Speaking of LD, you quit-o...

Landon Donovan and the US didn't really show up for their first game, in case you haven't heard. I self-imposed a moratorium on blogging about their 3-0 shallacking at the hands of the Czechs, because I didn't really feel the need to pile on a team that had just been kicked off the Hype Train. It also gave other bloggers to beat me to the "trod upon" punchline. Curses!

Certainly, I was disappointed. But, as I said in my Preview, I really do feel that this is the team before "The Team". I hope they can prove me wrong tomorrow by pulling off an upset of Italy.

As for the World Cup in general - three things have become apparent to me in this first week:

A) ESPN does not know how to broadcast soccer - From weak broadcast crews, to overly busy graphics, they make it a painful experience. Soccer is a game where the whole field is important, yet they insist on a long black strip of a scoreboard up top, and the Bottom Line down low. This eliminates a good bit of the viewing area on the wings, where a fair amount of action occurs.

On top of that, they love throwing out these huge "fact boxes" that block off another 25% of the screen, usually while someone is dribbling towards goal. They also seem to enjoy treating all us viewers like we're morons-constantly explaining Yellow Cards and Red Cards...and using their beloved scoreboard to remind you that you're watching the FIFA World Cup, and it's, in fact, live.

I really wish Fox would pick up the rights to this thing.

B) Brazil = Beatable - After watching their less than inspired performance against a solid Croatian team, I just don't see it. I don't see the invincibility. Granted, they have 3 or 4 phenoms on the field, but they also have chinks in their armor. For one, they have 2 outside backs in the latter stages of their career in Cafu and Roberto Carlos. They also have Dida in goal, and their manager, Carlos Alberto Parreira seems willing to wait out Ronaldo's corpulency, which was in full display the other night. You couldn't miss him...he was the guy standing still, about 30 yards from the Croat Goal.

C)Eric's DVR Is Dragging Down World Cup Scores: I've recorded 2 games that I avoided knowing anything about while at work. Croatia-Brazil and Poland-Germany. Both have ended 1-0. Following bad logic, I need to call in sick to work for the next 3 weeks, or this will be one boring World Cup.

And now, my first set of superlatives for Week 1 of La Copa Mundial:

Best Managerial Moves: Guus Hiddink - 2 subs, Tim Cahill and John Aloisi, scored all 3 goals for the Aussies in their comeback over Japan. Of course, you could also say it was a bad move if you were wondering why both guys weren't starting in the first place. But, I digress.

Best Forward: Paulo Wanchope, Costa Rica - despite playing for a crap team, Wanchope notched two lovely goals against host Germany. While he is 30 (old for a striker), I have to think some team would be interested in luring him back to England. He can still put it in the net.

Best Midfielder: Thomas, Don't Call Me Ro-sick-ee, Rosicky, Czech Republic - It's pronounced, Ro-sitz-kee, ESPN announcers. Nothing I hate more than people not doing their research. It's not like the guys and unknown. I hate to give a nod to the man who helped dismantle my team, but what a game. The only thing I fault him for is giving Julie Foudy the chance to make the statement "Ro-sick-ee is sick-ee". Clever...clever...

Best Defender: Lots of options, with all the clean sheets being posted on the scoreboard. I'm going to go with a defender who came through in the clutch, Tunisia's Radhi Jaidi(Big #15 in the photo below).


The hulking defender scored on a last gasp header to pull the Carthage Eagles (love those African team nicknames) level with Saudi Arabia in the dying moments of the most unexpectedly exciting match of the tourney. Granted, his backline did surrender 2 goals, but why quibble with details?

And a special award, I'll dub the Bill Snyder Trophy. No college football coach got more mileage out of transfers than Snyder at Kansas State. Apparently, Germany was inspired by this. After starting a pair of Polish born strikers in Lukas Podolski and Miroslav Klose, the Germans were pushed to victory over said Poles by Swiss born super-sub, Oliver Neuville slotting one home in the 90th minute. Let's not forget they also had Ghanaian born Gerald Asamoah on the bench. Geez...and Eurosnobs give the U.S. crap for Freddy Adu.

That's it for this week. Hopefully I won't be eulogizing the U.S. in my next edition. Thanks for reading Thisssweek...Innn Soccer.

Steven Seagal Will Kick, And Then Rock, Your Ass

I was dining at the local Pita shack ("the", as in probably the only one in Atlanta), when my friend looks up, and queries, "Is That Steven Seagal?"

Hoping to see the Jewish Bruce Lee making his way down Ponce, I turn around, and see this picture:



Holy Shonen Knife! Is this for real?! Yes, yes, it is. I give you Steven Seagal and Thunderbox.

Apparently, He of The Clever 3 Word Action Movie Titles fancies himself quite the axe wielder. Reading Variety Playhouse's bio of the show yields some entertaining lines like "Watch those hands - they are capable of many surprises." And How!

If you are looking for some entertaining reading material, check out his entire Wikipedia entry. He may be one of the oddest people in Hollywood, and that's hard to do.

The thing that blows my mind is that they are actually charghing $20 for this concert, all while keeping a straight face. I am not saying I wouldn't pay money to see Steven Seagal front a band with a name that sounds like it could be the title of a Native American porno, but not $20. Maybe $10, but not if there's a service charge.

I know what you're thinking - "Eric, where can I, the reader, see this man with magic hands?"

Well, here's his tour (yes, I said a whole tour) schedule:

Sat 06/10/06 Mission, TX Pepe's On The River

Sun 06/11/06 New Orleans, LA House Of Blues

Wed 06/14/06 Memphis, TN New Daisy Theatre

Thu 06/15/06 Nashville, TN Exit / In

Fri 06/16/06 Mount Pleasant, MI Soaring Eagle Casino

Sat 06/17/06 Belleville, ON Empire Theatre

Sun 06/18/06 Chicago, IL House Of Blues

Tue 06/20/06 Pittsburgh, PA Rex Theatre

Wed 06/21/06 Cleveland, OH House Of Blues

Thu 06/22/06 Hagerstown, MD Maryland Theatre

Fri 06/23/06 Atlantic City, NJ House Of Blues

Sat 06/24/06 New York, NY TBA

Sun 06/25/06 New York, NY B.B. King's Blues Club

Tue 06/27/06 Alexandria, VA The Birchmere

Get your tickets while they last!

Thanks to Pollstar for the dates. I felt so wrong typing Steven Seagal into your search box, which usually provides such bountiful and enriching information. Please, forgive me.

If I May, A Political Statement...

You Got...




Owned!!!!

Excuse my juvenility. I hate to celebrate death, but his will save more lives than it will cost.

I don't necessarily know why stuff like this should affect the price of oil, but it did.

Dead terrorists, cheap(er) gas, World Cup starting tomorrow...and I didn't even have to use my AK.

I'll get to a darker subject tomorrow...Steven Seagal as a rock star. Stay tuned.

Rampant Speculation - My World Cup Preview

First, my random thought for the day:

If your car is having battery trouble, it seems the last thing you would want is an extra light coming on, just to indicate this problem. I know, you should be notified, but there has to be a less power draining way.

Yes...my car had said troubles.

On to my preview. I swear, this is my last soccer blog for a few weeks. I know you are dying to be regaled with tails of catsex and iced-coffee as it relates to life, so I must put my World Cup Fever on hold until the U.S. begins play on June 12th.

Before I do that, though, I must subject you to my hastily researched, partially unfounded, World Cup predictions. That way, if any of them come true, I can edit these last two sentences off my blog, and say "I told you so".

We'll begin with my biggest concern, my beloved Americans. They managed to stave off Fret Level Red with a couple of victories before heading to Germany. I'm still concerned that neither of them were as convincing as their thrashings of Uruguay and Jamaica in the run-up to '02, or really even their loss to The Netherlands in that same series.

Nonetheless, a few of the young guys showed their wares, and seem to have offered Bruce Arena a few options to throw at our opponents in Group E. Eddie Johnson looked dangerous once again (even though he's still waiting for his next goal in the US uni), Bobby Convey showed why he was regarded as one of Reading's best players this year, and John O'Brien appears to be rounding back into form. These are all things that will make Bruce's selections difficult, and exciting at the same time.

Here's my thought on this edition of the U.S. team. It's the calm before the storm. That is, this is the team before "The Team". The '06 edition may find it hard to make it out of their difficult group, and even then will surely be sent home by Brazil in the 2nd Round. The 2010 Nats, however, appear poised to not only earn a seed in this quadrennial event, but make a fair amount of noise. The number of Americans being placed in crucial roles on their European clubs is rising every year, and that could make the '10 edition very young, and very exciting.

As for the aforementioned "Group of Death". I expect Italy to win this group. Conventional wisdom has The Czech Republic advancing. I'm not so sure about that. The Czechs have the unfortunate task of being the new "it" team for this World Cup, and that often comes with added pressure, and a pinch of haughtiness. The last two times the U.S. faced this team, it played under the names Colombia and Portugal. Neither responded very well to their new found adoration, and failed to qualify for the 2nd Round. Based on Arena's experience, and the weight of expectations, I believe the US will progress as the #2 team out of this group, before making an almost guaranteed exit against Brazil.

Even if they are knocked out in Group E play, I don't expect them to lose to both Italy and the Czechs. There is enough talent there to steal at least a tie from one of these sides.
Ghana, of course, is the real wild card in this group. My biggest hope is that even if we don't advance, that American fans are smart enough to realize how harshly the odds are stacked against us...and how kind FIFA was to our neighbors, Mexico.

My overriding thought on this Cup is that Brazil won't win. They are certainly good enough to be the first non-European team in a half-century to win a Euro-based World Cup (when they became the only team to do so), but the sheer effort it would take to win their 3rd trophy in 4 tries is daunting.

As for the rest of the Cup - In a nutshell, I see it going something like this:

Group A - Winner: Germany (Mmmm...Land of Chocolate)
Runner-Up: Poland (Isn't that always the way?)
Dark Horse: Ecuador

Group B - Winner: England (Inability to dance a proper Robot aside.)
Runner-Up: Paraguay (Will still be confused for Uruguay)
Dark Horse: Actually, Paraguay

Group C - Winner: Netherlands
Runner-Up: Argentina
Dark Horse: Cote d'Ivoire (That's Ivory Coast to you soap enthusiasts)

Group D - Winner: Portugal
Runner-Up: Mexico
Dark Horse: Iran (The only team in the Cup I'll root for Mexico against)

Group E - See Above

Group F - Winner: Brazil (Duh)
Runner-Up: Japan (All thanks to Arnold's energy drink.)
Dark Horse: Anyone other than Brazil, really. Japan, Australia, or
Croatia could all finish 2nd here.

Group G - Winner: France (Henry comes up big, Zizou goes out in style)
Runner-Up: Switzerland (But they'll regret being so agressive)
Dark Horse: Switzerland, most have S. Korea making it out over The Swiss

Group H - Winner: Tunisia (My one crazy pick, and the requisite "Surprise Group Winner")
Runner-Up: Spain (Will consider firing coach in mid-tournament)
Dark Horse: Ukraine

Semi-Finalists: Netherlands, *Surprise Team, Portugal, Brazil
Finals: Netherlands vs. Portugal
Winners: Netherlands
3rd Place: Surprise Team over a disinterested Brazilian squad.

*In the last 3 World Cups, there's been at least one surprise Semi-Finalist. They always seem to come from Eastern Europe as well. While I feel good about my Final Four, I wouldn't be surprised if a team like Ukraine, Croatia, or Serbia & Montenegro crashed the party.

There you have it. My semi-baseless take on the World Cup. I'll be sure to act like a smug prognosticator, whether I'm right or wrong. That's what we pundits do.

Poised Over The Panic Button

I'm not going to do it. I am not going to freak out about the U.S.' 1-0 loss to Morocco last night (on home soil, mind you). I am going to breathe, and remind myself that this game is the equivalent of a preseason game. Great preseason's rarely equal subsequent success. Right, Falcons Fans?

I am concerned, of course, that our team captain may face an extended injury lay off leading into the World Cup, and our only established right fullback committed a gaffe (leading up to the lone goal) that had even a soccer novice, like myself, pulling what few hairs he has left out.

That being said, I trust Bruce. I have to think he is seeing the same things we are...that the team is better attacking with Convey on the field, that we need someone up top with McBride, and that Wolff is about as threatening as The Teletubbies - Bruce has to give Eddie Johnson a full game with McBride here in the next week.

Also, I have to remember that Morocco was one game away from qualifying for this World Cup, in what turned out to be a very strong African cycle. This was not a cupcake...or whatever the analogous pastry is at the Imperial Fez.

A disclaimer here...the US National Team is one of the only teams I refer to as "we". I work to avoid it when referring to professional outfits like the Hawks, Braves, Falcons, etc. The only other exception is any team related to Appalachian State. I feel like I can be an unabashed homer when it comes to my country, or my alma mater. For some reason, using "we" when talking about pro teams almost seems to be approaching restraining order territory.

The other sports item of interest to this blogger was last night's NBA Draft Lottery, where the Hawks were awarded the 5th pick in June's draft. The Raptors, the other team soiled by someone named Babcock, will pick 1st. It appears the Hawks are the only team in the league capable of being abjectly terrible for an extended period of time, and still not be awarded the #1 pick. No worries this time, though, as the draft has no true #1, and is deep enough to get a player at #5 that has as much potential as the #1 selection.

Of course, they always seem to get shuffled to just the right spot to prevent them from drafting a true impact player. Whether being 2nd last year, and almost browbeaten into taking Marvin Williams, or being 21st in 2003 - having to take Boris Diaw - when a 5th pick would have netted Dwayne Wade.

Speaking of Diaw, I really wish the national media would get off the "The Suns got a steal in Diaw" bandwagon. I'm sure it's real hard to find open shots, box out for rebounds, dish out assists, and generally be ignored by opposing defenses when you are playing with Shawn Marion and Steve Nash.

He was useless to the Hawks because he serves his purpose only when surrounded by supreme talent, of which Atlanta had none in his time here. Put Diaw on the Knicks, and he's right back to Anonymous European Guy. I would trade him and draft picks for Joe Johnson again on any day of the week. The Hawks need a superstar, and they acquired a budding one when they picked up Johnson. People seem to forget that the Hawks, in fact, picked up one of only 5 players to average 20 points and 6 assists a game this season. Read the list, it's pretty impressive company. Overall, his numbers were better than Diaw's, but let's not let facts get in the way of an easy media target.

Housed

I've probably only caught Fox's hit med-drama House about a half a dozen times, but it has already succeeded in turning me into pseudo-hypochondriac. It's not that I constantly worry about my health, but the show finds the most abstract ways to place its patients on the brink of certain death, and I can't help but try and translate its sensationalism to the real world.

Week after week, these doctors are forced to deal with mysterious, undiagnosed, diseases...all from people living in the general vicinity of the hospital. Just another reason to stay away from Central New Jersey.

I have no problem suspending disbelief when watching. The only thing that really bothers me about the show is Omar Epps' character. Epps, whom they dragged away from playing athletes in various sports movies, plays Dr. Eric Foreman. The show is on Fox. Seems like they could have done a little research and found out that another relatively successful Fox show has/had a major character of the same name. Is that too much to ask? I guess the Fox Network's Random Name Generator must have reached capacity.

Anyway, while feeling less than 100% healthy over the last 18 hours, I've found myself cataloging random occurrances in my life that could potentially lead to being infected with maladies such as an agressive brain fungus or the bubonic plague (both actual diagnoses on the show). Now, a brief listing from the last few days. Please, pray for my health:

- Walked on rubberized track in sandals...sandal thong becomes detached from insole the next day.
- Used Splenda...thought it tasted like sugar
- Drank energy drink after drinking coffee...felt twitchy
- Ate at Taco Bell...later forced to hold in gas
- Pet a stray cat...cat meowed
- Found bug sitting on thumb...shrieked like a little girl

Of course, this illin' could just be the result of drinking too much and not getting enough sleep this weekend, but I must remain vigilant! That case of scarlet fever could be just one airborne mite away!

While we are on the subject of being less than 100%, I have to apologize to Brian "Spanky" McCann. Frenchy's wing-man has become the latest victim of my Fantasy Baseball curse. After adding him to my team last week, the Braves cherubic catcher promptly went out and got hurt this weekend during a homeplate collision with the Diamondbacks' Eric Byrnes.

I personally take the blame not only for picking him up, but also for saying he was like "Greg Olson, with a better bat"...which preceded him almost replicating Olson's horrific ankle injury, circa 1992. Thankfully, he should be back soon. The guy who hit Olson in '92 was Ken Caminiti. For Eric Byrnes' sake, I'll avoid making any comparisons there. We'll just say he "Erstaded" McCann, and leave it at that.

I just saw this as I was about to post - another reminder how men and animals aren't all that different. Kentucky Derby winner, Barbaro, is facing a fight for his life. Does this stop him from spittin' some game at the mares? Hell no!

I'm With You, Deadspin: The Barcenal Post-Mortem

I have to start by giving much love to the guys over at Deadspin. Not only is it one of my favorite websites, but my mentioning on their site (in a classic bit of shameless passive-agressive whoring) that I had a blog about Barcelona-Arsenal drove over a hundred new viewers to my blog. Thanks for checking the page out, fellow Deadspinners. I am now their bitch, whether they like it or not.

The problem now, of course, is that someone other than my friends might be reading, so I may have to update this place a little more frequently. Drat.

Now, on to the game. I have to say, it was entertaining. It had many of the things you look for in a classic - redemption (the maligned Sol Campbell nodding home Arsenal's lone goal with a noggin that would make Barry Bonds jealous), controversy (Jens Lehman's sending off), and an unexpected hero (Barca's Juliano Belletti 5-holing Almunia for the decisive strike).

By the way, any non-soccer fans who think all players are either dwarfish waifs, or tall, lean dudes need to take a look at 3/4's of The Gunners backline yesterday. Eboue, Campbell, and Toure look like they could be swapped for Brooking, Hartwell, and Williams and fool many casual NFL fans (Ashley Cole, the 4th member, would naturally be a safety...in charge of covering the Tight End). They were physically, and tactically, massive for Arsenal's valiant effort.

That being said, I think most fans agree that it would have been more entertaining had referee Terje Hauge played advantage on Lehman's sending off. It would have put Barca up 1-0, and allowed us to see these two well-oiled machines going at each other at full strength. Hauge even somewhat regrets the decision. Somewhat.

I can't fault him completely, he had already blown his whistle when Lehman took out Eto'o (I always wanna write E'too), and had no choice to issue the red after that. I certainly can't blame him for Lehman's misguided challenge. After seeing that, I really wonder if Jurgan Klinsmann is rethinking his choice for starting keeper at the World Cup. Only Keeper To Ever Win The Golden Ball, or Only Guy Ever Sent Off In A Champions' League Final? Hmmmm...

The Ultimate Challenge was less than advertised as well. Neither Ronaldinho or Henry found the back of the net. Henry missed (or was stopped by a solid Victor Valdes) three golden chances, and Ronaldinho seemed miscast, and out fo sorts, by not being allowed to direct the attack centrally.
Still, both players had their flashes of brilliance - Henry's exquisite freekick finding Campbell's XXXL cranium for the opening salvo, and Ronaldinho with the pass that played Eto'o through before the Cameroonian was toppled by Lehman's ill-fated lunge. They were certainly factors, but were upstaged by other stories.

What's up with the sour grapes from TH14? I know the officiating was less than stellar, but I can't say it didn't go both ways. When you consider that Hauge took a goal away from Barca with his red card decision, and then bought Eboue's dive to set up Arsenal's lone tally, he essentially presided over a 2 goal swing for the North London side.

After this match, I do get the feeling that Henry will be plying his trade in The Nou Camp next year. Watching them celebrate in front of him, feeling like some of his younger, shakier teammates let him down, and being ignored by Arsene Wenger when pleading for attacking help does not add up to leading the team into Ashburton Grove next fall. Henry, though, still appears to be saying the right things to the Arsenal faithful.

(UPDATE: But What Do I Know?)

If you're looking for another take on the game, the newest member of my blog roll, Braves & Birds, has his review here. He's a Barca fan, by the way.

I know, it's hard to tell.

Hulk Henry vs. The Ultimate Jogador

I'm a little torn in who to pull for in The UEFA Champions' League Final tomorrow. On the one hand, you have Thierry Henry's Arsenal. Henry is one of my favorite players to watch, plays for the team that is rivals with not only Manchester United, but also Chel$ea (the biggest spenders in English soccer), and plays for a team now known for it's attacking flair. (Also the team featured in Nick Hornby's "Fever Pitch", back when they were known as "boring old Arsenal")

On the other hand, you have Ronaldinho's Barcelona. Ronaldinho is also one of my favorite players to watch, plays for the team that is chief rivals with Real Madrid...who make Chelsea and Man Utd. look like skinflints...and plays for a team known for its attacking flair.

See the problem here?

The only time I think I was this torn (and I'm serious here) was when Hulk Hogan wrestled The Ultimate Warrior in WrestleMania VI.
Both wrestlers were fan favorites, and were at the pinnacles of their respective fame. I ended up pulling for The Warrior because he was the new guard. Little did I know, he would not be around nearly as long as Hogan, thanks to reality TV. UW eventually won, but only held onto the title for about a year.

The match kind of failed to live up to its billing, really, and that's my concern with this match-up tomorrow. One reason is because it's almost too good to be true, and another is because I'll be watching - at least through the magic of DVR. It seems like when I do watch matches, they end up being 1-nil or nil-nil, and decided on PK's. When I don't, or can't, watch, they turn out like this.

In case you're wondering, I'm pulling for Arsenal. I'm more of a fan of the EPL, but am warming up to La Liga now that I can watch it on a regular basis on Gol-TV. That's not the only reason, though. Among other things, Arsenal have never won the Champions League, they are moving out of their historic ground, Highbury, this year, and winning this match could also allow them to keep Henry, who is rumored to be heading (as luck would have it) to Barcelona next year. While the idea of Henry and Ronaldinho united in attack is enough to make a soccer nerd's head explode, I just feel TH14 belongs in the red and white of Arsenal.

Really, though, there are two things I'm hoping for. One is that the outcome of this game, which kicks off at 2:30 EDT, is not revealed to me by some spoiler before I get home to my DVR. Last week, the UEFA Cup Final outcome was ruined by, of all things, the sports section on my personalized Google Homepage. Who knew?

My other hope? That these two magicians play like anything close to this tomorrow:



Of course, just not as blurry, and without the bad cable access graphics...

Girl Drink Drunk

As I was walking back to work today, heavily creamed and sugared Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee in hand, I began to wonder if I was the coffee equivalent of a "Girl Drink Drunk".

Maybe it's just in the male world, but you can get alot of crap from the guys that either a)only put sugar in their coffee, or b) drink it black. Here I am, not only putting cream and sugar in it, but also icing it down so I don't huwt the woof of my widdew mouf. Did I mention I also had them put French Vanilla flavoring in it? Geez.

For some reason, one of my favourite Kids In The Hall skits sprang to mind (note I used the "u" in favourite, since they're Canadian). For me, the genesis of the phrase "Girl Drink Drunk":



Okay, hopefully you're still reading, and not just watching that. The phrase was probably used before them, but their skit is what I always think of. It's also one of those references I can use to test just how in tune I am with a potential friend...if they've heard of that skit, or Conan O'Brien as Moleculo on SNL, they score major cool points. Okay, nerd points.

In some ways, this coffee thing is alot like when you first start drinking. You go for the wine coolers, and the Zima with jolly ranchers, but are eventually ridiculed into choking down either MGD or The Beast. It hurts then, of course, but I am a big believer in the idea that if I didn't drink that swill, I wouldn't be the beer snob I am today.

Guys usually won't admit it, but we like the girly drinks too. I remember one time when me and 2 buddies ordered Mudslides, and felt wrong for liking them so much. Really, though, what's not to like? Milkshake? Kahlua? Where do I order? It's embarassing, but it happened. I have yet to develop the cajones to order one solo in a normal bar setting.

For the record, though, I do enjoy a good dirty Gin Martini (on the rocks of course, can't get people whispering by using the martini glass), and I can do Scotch if it's a really good Scotch - none of that Red Label crap.

As you can see, this iced coffee had me thinking for some reason. I began to wonder -maybe this isn't the only thing my coffee says about me. Maybe I really like my coffee like I like my women. Do they need to be as close to white as possible, extra sweet, and a little frigid? That can't be good. Maybe I just haven't had the fortunate experience of drinking some straight-up hot, black coffee yet? Maybe the, uh, coffee...yeah, coffee...doesn't like to add Vanilla flavoring to itself. Who knows? I've also heard hot tea can be good, but you have to make sure it knows you're not a cop.

Then I remembered why I hate Sex and the City so much. While I may write this for a laugh, that show would get an overly ponderous 30 minutes out of this premise. Even worse, some woman would probably mull this drivel over afterwards. What a waste of syndication.

Trivia Update: Since it's the inspiration for my title, I have to let you all know that it was a good week, trivia wise. My Wednesday night crew took 2nd place at Mellow Mushroom, while our Thursday night team notched a dominating victory at Willy's. For the first time in my 9-10 years of bar trivia, I was part of a perfect game. It's quite an impressive feat when 8 people can pool their useless knowledge, and lay waste to feeble minded drunks. You know you're jealous.

Meowntin Time

It's one of those things you hate to admit to people...almost like admitting you don't have cable. A ubiquitous modern luxury that I don't have. I don't have central A/C. Don't worry, I'm okay - for now. The true Summertime might be a little sweaty, but it's currently the perfect weather for keeping the windows open and enjoying the sounds of the city at night.

That is, except for the particularly vocal cat that seems to hang out in my complex's backyard after dark. It just ocurred to me that this cat is probably not just loud, but also in heat...which makes sense. When I feel that way, I often like to roam the streets, in the middle of the night, screaming at people.


Certainly an odd feeling when you're trying to get to sleep, and you are just hoping some quadriped of similar size would show up and give this cat what it wants. Then I think about having to listen to the sounds of catsex - or worse, interspecies mating. I realize now that my loud wall-unit air conditioner might actually serve a purpose other than making my bedroom 5 degrees cooler.

You'd figure the cat could pick up a sack of catnip, and find a feral Siamese somewhere on Pounce De Lion to take care of everything.

Forgive me...that was such a bad joke, I had to share it with someone.

Editor's Note: I'm looking into this Google AdSense program, and I have to figure out how to move it around in my template...so bear with me while it sits at the top of my screen. I think it would look much more congruous off to the right, don't you?

Gassed

There is no doubt that your average citizen is tired of paying nearly $3 a gallon for gas, myself included. I think about how much more money I would have if I were paying $1.50 to $2.00 a gallon less to fill the tank of my horrificly fuel-inefficient Chevy Blazer. I also tell myself that if gas prices drop shortly after Bush leaves office, I really won't be able to argue that he's "in bed" with Big Oil...then I try and think up a tired Clinton joke to follow that thought.


I don't think he is, first of all. Even if he was, the oil companies in this country don't control the price of a barrel of oil, they control the price of the end product. Overall consumption, rather, is the primary reason for the rise in oil company profits. The rise in large engine vehicles, like my Blazer (which I'm hoping to get rid of when I pay it off), and the explosion of the Chinese economy have led to this "problem".

If this was all just gouging, ask yourself this - why wouldn't one of the few smaller companies take the initiative to drop the bottom out of their prices, and generate a higher volume of business? The answer is, they can't.

This brings me to the purpose for this post. I've been reading alot lately how the Federal Government should levy a Windfall Tax on "Big Oil", due to its record profits. Some are even arguing that this would somehow lower the price of gas. Personally, I would like to know how causing a company to make less money per unit sold would cause them to lower prices, and not raise them to cover the difference. Lowering prices would only cause the company to make lower profits, likely causing them to shed corporate weight in the form of employees. That, of course, would not be very good for the economy. Combine that with doubting that this would lower prices, and I don't see any way this could possibly help the consumer.

This argument is oddly isolated to the oil industry, because we've enjoyed years of relative easy access to fuel that has now increased in price in almost absurd fashion. Consider this - when perusing the list of America's Most Profitable Companies, you see names like Wal-Mart, Home Depot, and Microsoft alongside those evil oil companies.

Are we to punish them for their excesses, too? Companies like Microsoft, IBM, Cisco, and Intel sell products crucial to most businesses day-to day operations. Those businesses then have to find a way to recoup to cost of those products in their end product or service...and also turn a profit to remain solvent. You could argue that IT companies turning record profits does more to effect our cost of living than gas. Those companies, however, don't have to post an adjustable product price in front of their building everyday.

We need to remember that the market will correct itself, as it always does...without the Federal Government's heavy hand. Auto makers are ramping up efforts to market and sell alternative fuel cars, and we are starting to think twice about buying the next Ford Expedition. It may suck right now, but in the long run, our economy, and environment, will be the better for it.

Ramble On

You knew it was going to happen eventually. I have nothing specific to blog about.

Now I see why people blog on specific subjects like sports, music, or politics. It's so much easier to have someone give you material to write about. I always kind of wanted to make this more about me, and not about just one aspect of me...thus, the title "A Trivial Pursuit". You know, you have to know more than just sports to win at that game. Although, it certainly helps me.

I could write just about music, but I don't necessarily attend enough concerts, listen to enough new CD's, or have enough knowledge of the industry to make it sound more than the rantings of some Amazon.com denizen.

I could write just about politics, but it's just such a pain in the ass. You have to have 50 citations, stories, and theories to make anything stick with the opposition. To me, politics isn't about that. It's more about what sounds right to you, and works in practice...which we all know is fiscal conservatism, and social moderation. Wait, we don't? Well, I'll make sure to do my footnotes on that stuff later. Maybe that's why I don't like blogging on politics. It reminds me too much of writing a research paper - usually the day before it's due. I just remembered internal documentation,. Yeech.

Of course, I can come off as a serviceable sports writer. But as you all know, I haven't played competitive sports since the 8th Grade, and I wasn't any good even then. The only sport I was ever decent at was soccer, and I quit playing that when I was 9. Maybe I wasn't even good at that, I just thought I was.

I read other sports blogs, too, and they make me feel like I couldn't possibly be as thorough (or as single-mindedly obsessed) as these guys. I'll just leave it to the pros at Deadspin. That's the kind of blog I would want if I were in the sports blog world.

And I wouldn't even dare blog about dating...I've decided I can't figure women out at all. I think women have a much more varying list of what they think is hot than men do. Not just "I like blondes", or "I think Asian women are beautiful", but they seem to have affinities for general male characteristics. I've actually learned that there is a group of women out there (and I guess it isn't a small one, after all) who think bald/ing men are sexy. I have to be thankful for that. The one that really weirded me out though, was when these 2 girls from my church told me they thought Masters champion Phil Mickelson was hot. If you couldn't pick him out of a crowd, here he is:



Note the moobs and the beer belly...which is actually the one feature one of the girls (who's in pretty good shape) said she found very sexy. A beer gut? What the hell am I going to gym for? I am sure it doesn't hurt that he's the 2nd best golfer in the world right now behind Tiger.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about these revelations is the fact that I associate both baldness and beer guts with old men. I can't help but think there is some sort of Electra Complex thing going on here. It would be like guys being all over crows feet and stretchmarks. Again, though, the baldness thing...good for Eric, and Ed Harris.

Who knows? I might be a better blogger if I actually had a computer at my apartment. I spend so much time in front of one at work though, I feel it would just be masochistic to do so right now. So, I must write my blogs in stealthy fashion, hoping not to get busted by my superiors. They already think I'm trying online dating because I have a MySpace page, so I'd rather not give them more ammunition.

One thing writing this blog has done for me is help enhance my love for the website's Wikipedia, and YouTube. I just discovered how to embed videos from the latter on here, so I'll leave you with one of my favorites.



I don't care if you don't like soccer - Thierry Henry is amazing.

Stay tuned for something substantive!

John Rocker, Metrosexual

Out having a few beers with my co-workers last Friday, I had one of the more random Atlanta celebrity sighting's in recent memory. John Rocker. The only one that tops him is seeing Kordell Stewart in the Disco Kroger parking lot.

Kordell Stewart hanging out in Atlanta, by the way, is not going to do alot to assuage the persistent rumors that he's gay. Right, the hip hop scene. Sure, Kordell.

Back to Rocker. I won't lie, back in the day, I loved this guy. He was the loud mouth redneck that many Atlanta fans have been longing for. Seriously, we've never really had that guy who was unequivocally loved by his own fans, and hated by every one else. Not only that - as a closer, all the dude did was strike people out. The only game-ender as good as a walk-off homerun is a flamethrowing closer doing his thing. Add the twitchy insanity of Rocker, and it made Braves games of 1999-2001 a blast.

I even cut the guy a break after the infamous Sports Illustrated article, which caused him to be permanently labelled an intolerant racist. I always felt that he said things alot of people think, and if a New York player had said it, it would have been okay. Again, though, the national sports media felt it necessary to show their indignance for this backward Southern boy because he went after their Mecca, New York City.

It always seems to be neglected that his best friends on the Braves were Bruce Chen, a Panamanian Asian, and Andruw Jones, a Curacaoan of African decent.

Of course, this article seemed to spell the downfall for Rocker. After the subsequent suspension by Major League Baseball, he never seemed to have the same edge as before. In the mental game of being a closer, he had finally psyched himself out.

This article also seemed to make it a requirement to include this sentence in any story about John Rocker:

"Rocker, who gained infamy for his insensitve comments towards gays, foreigners, and African-Americans in a 1999 Sports Illustrated article..."

After many failed attempts to revive his lagging career, he's now retired from baseball. Even worse, he's become this guy:



What the Hell? Where's the camouflage hat with a fish-hook in it? Where are the Carhartt pants? I couldn't believe it. The guy looked like he had just come from a beauty salon, and his cashmire sweater was showing enough man-cleavage to make even Fabio cringe! What a douchebag. His outfit was beginning to make me wonder if I should be more concerned about him than about Kordell.

I have to feel for the guy, though, and for many of the Good Ol' Boys who find themselves in Atlanta. Deep down inside, he probably wants to stay true to his Macon roots...but he also wants to hook up with the high-maintenance Buckhead hotties who think the woman from Sex And The City are just like their group of friends! His cash probably helps - but unfortunately, you've also got to Metro it up a bit if you want to go for the kill shot.

While we are on the subject of these types of girls, I have one thing I have to say. A real martini is olives, vermouth, and either gin or vodka! Just because it comes in a martini glass doesn't make it a martini! They can serve Manhattan's in those, too, but you don't here anyone calling it a Manhattan-tini! Man, I hate what that stupid show has done to the women of America.

It's about time

Some of you may be thinking that about my blog, but I am writing this about Dominique Wilkins.

If you remember, in one of my earlier blogs, I came out as a Hawks fan. I was a Hawks fan before I was a Braves fan, which seems strange to people nowadays. 'Nique was one of the biggest reasons for that. After Hank Aaron, he was the first real sports superstar to arrive in Atlanta (sorry, Dale Murphy). If you want to see what made him so exciting, watch the video I dug up:



Of course, this video seems to illustrate the biggest stereotype about #21, that all he could do was dunk. Kind of hard to believe he averaged 24 points a game in his career, isn't it? Those 7' NBA centers must have been clueless on how to defend dunks in the 1980's.

Anyway, some of my friends know one of the quickest ways to get me riled up is to start ripping Dominique. I personally feel he is one of the most unnecessarily put upon players in recent NBA history. Roundly criticized for being selfish, never winning an NBA title, or the aforementioned proclivity for the dunk, he was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame on his 2nd try last week. I am very happy he's there, but it's still 1 year too late. He deserved the honor of being a first ballot Hall of Famer.

The biggest problem for Wilkins is that he's too often compared to players like Jordan, Bird, and Magic. "He didn't make his teammates better like those guys," people will say, citing the lack of championship banners in Philips Arena. They seem to forget that each of those 3 players had at least one future Hall of Fame teammate, playing in his prime, during their championship runs - usually two. 'Nique was only briefly graced with an aging Moses Malone, and a cast of role players to try and bring home a title.

Considering that the Hawks often went toe-to-toe with the Celtics, Pistons, and Bulls in the 80's and 90's, I think it's fair to say that Wilkins did make his mediocre teammates better. You take him away, and the Hawks would have been as bad as they are now. He was considered one of the best players of his era, which was unquestionably the NBA's Golden Era.

He had his best chance to reach the NBA Finals in 1994. Unfortunately, as I've referenced before, he was denied that chance by one of the worst trades in NBA history.

I hope with this induction, he'll get a little more credit for what he accomplished. I doubt it though, because it wouldn't fit into the national media's decided bias against the Atlanta's professional teams. If you watch sports as much as I do, you can see it. Any chance to take a shot at our fans, our franchises, or our overzealousness for college football, is gobbled up like the free pressroom buffet at the Georgia Dome. Seriously, sportswriters all seem to be morbidly obese for some reason. It has to be the buffets.

I'm sure most of my female readers (which seems to be most of my readers for some reason) have already navigated away, so I'll leave you with this - A statistical comparison between 'Nique, and 2 players I consider of similar quality, Clyde Drexler and Isiah Thomas:

Dominique
Games: 1,074
PTS: 26,668
PPG: 24.8
RPG: 6.7
APG: 2.5
FG% .461
FT% .811
STL: 1,378

Thomas
Games: 979
PTS: 18,822
PPG: 19.2
APG: 9.3
RPG: 3.6
STL: 1,861
FG%: .452
FT%: .759

Clyde
Games: 1086
Pts: 22195
PPG: 20.4
RPG:6.1
APG: 5.6
STL: 2207
FG%: .472
FT%: .788

Not a huge difference, aside from the other two players being blessed with better supporting casts that allowed them both to win 2 NBA titles. Yet, you never hear either of these players criticized or dismissed as widely as Dominique. Why is that? I'll let you figure that out for yourself.

Incidentally, both Drexler and Thomas made the NBA's 50 Greatest Players team, and Dominique did not. He was even passed over in favor of 2nd Fiddles like Kevin McHale, James Worthy, and Scottie Pippen, as well as NBA disappointment, Bill Walton. It's one of the most disgusting exclusions in the history of arbitrary, self-congratulatory sports lists. Yeah, I get mad about those things...but you probably get pissed off about The OC.

For now, I just have to congratulate "The Human Highlight Film" for this achievement. It is well deserved.

Now, if we could only get Murph into Cooperstown, I wouldn't be so bitter anymore.

Desperately Seeking Songs

I've had my Sirius Satellite Radio for almost a month now, and I have to say it was a wise purchase. Regular radio just can't compete with the selection of artists, genres, sports, etc. Where else can I listen to live play-by-play of the Merseyside Derby, while staying up to date on this thing the kids are calling "Rock & Roll"?

I think the best part about my particular receiver, is the one feature it has that is almost like methadone to a channel surfin' fiend like myself. It' s called "S-Seek". Basically, you can save songs you like, and then be notified when it's about to be played on one of the channels.

My receiver only stores 10 at a time, unfortunately, so I have to be discerning about what makes the list. The major rules are pretty much that it A) has to be a song I don't have on a CD, and B) isn't played on conventional radio too often.

I know you are dying to see my current list, along with my comments on each selection. So, without further ado:

"Roll On", The Little Willies - Not since Wet Willie has a band with the word "Willie" in it captured the hearts and minds of America's youth. I've got 5 words for you - Norah Jones' Country Side Project. This is an original (they do a few covers on their album, including Willie Nelson's "I Gotta Get Drunk), and it only adds to my desire to whisk Ravi Shankar's adorable love-child away to some secluded cabin, with nothing but a piano, a case of Sam Adams, and several pounds of uncooked steak (for eating, sickos). Another one of my unconventional crushes. And now, a moment of appreciation for this Siren:


Sigh...well, that didn't help me at all. Oh, and it's a great song, too.

"Carolina Rain", Ryan Adams - The Jacksonville, NC native working his alt-country roots on his latest album (although some people freak out when you associate the word "country" with Mr. Adams' name). A pretty dark little ditty, but those are probably my favorite type of Americana music. It's chock full of pedal steel, and if that ain't country - I'll kiss your ass.

"Off The Record", My Morning Jacket - The proverbial needle in the haystack. After hearing it for the 2nd or 3rd time, I decided it was S-Seek worthy. I then proceeded to not hear it for over a week, constantly hoping to trap it for my collection. The beginning vocals are oddly reminiscent of "Up on the Roof". Supposedly, these guys are in the Wilco vein of Alternative music, but this song actually has a nice little old-school punk sensibility to it.

"Take Five", Dave Brubeck Quartet - This is one of those jazz songs that you would know if you heard...it just oozes cool. A great saxophone driven song, with an insistent little piano part underneath. I'm told this was typical of this group's sound. Getting to hear stuff like this on the radio is what makes Sirius worth it.

"Illegal Smile", John Prine - Prine's quirky breakthrough hit. It's usually on Outlaw Country, which I guess means it doesn't fit into the Nashville perameters. That's probably why I like it so much. It's timeless in that you could have imagined Jimmie Rodgers writing a similar song back in the 20's. This actually just acquired S-Seek status today.

"Bonita Applebum", Tribe Called Quest - An unexpected entry. Easily one of my favorite rap songs (and groups) ever, I stumbled across this Tribe piece while making one of my infrequent visits to the Hip-Hop section of Sirius. It's a clever little rap love song, which seems to be a lost art in that genre these days. Funny, self-depricating, great music underneath...and the fact that you can infer that the girl's name means "Beautiful Applebutt". Giggle.

"Beautiful Wreck", Shawn Mullins - Most people look at Mullins as a one-hit wonder, thanks to his overplayed "Rock-a-Bye" from the late 90's. Us in Atlanta know that he's been around since, just not getting much notice, including from me. This is a great song, and Mullins has a very unique vocal style for a singer/songwriter. One that I'm convinced I could pull off in karaoke.

"One Dime at a Time", Steep Canyon Rangers - These are my boys. I first saw them play at the Boone Saloon in 2004. Their bassist tipped me off to Midtown's Red Light Cafe, where I saw them for the second time. They're classified as bluegrass, but the lead singer lacks the high, lonesome sound of the old school purveyors. Really, they are more a mix of old-school country and bluegrass. A great live act, too.

"Don't Wait Too Long", Madeline Peyroux - Yes, I am heterosexual. I just love this chick's voice. The only knock on it is that it was used in that goofy Dockers' commercial where the chick and dude are eye humping each other from seperate trolleys, before trying to get on the other one's trolley - only to have it pull away. They think they missed their chance, but wait! The object of their affection has jumped off their trolley too, and they are both left on the street together! Blleeech - now that I realize that this is where I first heard this, it may not be staying on my list too much longer. If you haven't seen the commercial, enjoy this song - filth free.

"Do You Realize", The Flaming Lips - One of those bands that everyone who listens to them seems to love. This is a great song, and a testament to the diversity of this group. I figure I should get into them at some point, but then I'd have to take this off my S-Seek. Hard to believe they are only known in the mainstream for their novelty hit "She Don't Use Jelly".

A few other songs have served proudly - "The March" by Robert Randolph and The Family Band, Traveling Wilbury's "Handle with Care", Death Cab for Cutie's "Crooked Teeth, Beth Orton's "Conceived", and my pop guilty pleasure "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. Feist is currently bucking for S-Seek honors.

The thought of having a receiver with more storage space brings a solitary tear to my eye. Sometimes, I think it's the only thing that keeps me going...but then I just go see what's on the TV.

Burnt Head, Frozen Arse

Ah,the joys of being a redhead (almost "former", in my case). Only we can seem to be able to get sunburn in 45 degree weather. You would think having to put on a toboggan before you go outside would mean you are safe from harmful UV rays, but no. Now, I am getting reacquainted with my old friend, Solarcane.

This defintely explains why my people were not only prone to chilly places, but generally overcast areas like the British Isles and Scandanavia. As I've often said, we don't tan...we burst into flames! I actually do own a few bottles of sunblock, but since I am not a girl, nor carry a man-purse, I never have it when I actually need it! On the bright side (really, no pun intended when I wrote that), I got the burn doing a nice little service project for my church on Saturday.

It's kind of odd, the things you get roped into doing when lending a helping hand. We spent 3 hours shovelling a 7-foot high pile of gravel so a garbage truck could get to the dumpster of the Atlanta Youth Academy. I don't know that we necessarily made the world a better place, but maybe...just maybe...we made the students' learning environment slightly less smelly. That's something, right? On top of that, I got to flash my rippling biceps for all the ladies in attendance. They are all still fanning themselves, in a fit of Southern Belle swooning. At least, they are in my mind.

Of course, we also were able to amuse some of the neighborhood locals, as they observed a couple dozen yuppie crackers breaking our backs on a Saturday morning. I think they would have enjoyed it more knowing I had received only 4 hours of sleep the night before.

I was also reminded, upon seeing a stoplight in their cafeteria, about the dreaded prospect of silent lunch! Did everyone have this? For the fortunately unitiated...the light is somehow triggered by increases in sound. Once it reaches red, you have silent lunch for a period of time. Our school had a 3 strikes, and you're out rule. At the 3rd offense, it was silent lunch for the rest of the period. I don't know what company developed these sound activated lights, but I blame them. This appears to be the only logical use for such an invention.

We got done at the school in the early afternoon. After a long nap, I got the other spectrum of this weather, spending 3 hours spot-freezing my cheeks to the cold bleachers of scenic Russ Chandler Stadium, on the underratedly picturesque campus of Georgia Tech. My friend, Will, was in town from Charlotte, and wanted to go to a college baseball game for some reason. I find college baseball pretty boring. Not only is there generally less talent than a Single A clash, there's no beer. The pitchers generally suck, too (if they didn't they'd be in the minors somewhere). This results in teams scoring twice as many runs as they have hits. Not a good sign.

Fortunately, the Jackets were playing N. Carolina, and any chance to root against the S--t Heels is welcome on my calendar. Tech won 11-1, and the baseball gods smiled on me by getting the game over in under 3 hours. A sporting miracle!

Okay, random thought time. I am frequently subjected to Bowflex commercials on numerous cable TV stations. I don't know if anyone else suffers from this hounding. Apparently, the Bowflex suite of products has now grown to include Crispy, Original Recipe Bowflex, some sort of Bowflex with free-weight simulating discs ("It's really smooth, it almost glides." the faux random- guy- in- the- gym claims!), and adjustable barbells. I'll spare you the links. My question is this - are we honestly supposed to believe all the uber-toned, muscular men and women got their figures from these contraptions?

I've now realized the best part about my blog. My friends are no longer subject to my rambling e-mails. They can now just visit this virtual tribute to my lack of conciseness. You're welcome.