A Trivial Pursuit

Changing Directions, Again...

2007-12-28T16:10:00.000-05:00

It turns out randomness is harder to maintain than I thought.

When I started this blog a few years ago, I figured I could just put my daily musings about music, sports, life, etc. on here and it'd be all good.

What I learned is that a point-of-view and general subject perameters help in coming up with things to write about.

Thus, since this blog has pretty much deteroriated (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) into a neanderthalic sports blog, I'm just giving into that...and since I've spent nearly 3 decades as a miserable Atlanta sports fan, I figured that was the best thing to right about.

So, I'm picking up stakes here, and moving...into that all too familiar locale for Atlanta sports fans: Losersville, USA Where I'll chronicle the sad, seemingly improbable gaffes that have left Atlanta with only 1 major sports championship in some 40 years of top level competition...and maybe find some time to praise those who are trying to help us improve our lot.

Won't you join me?

Hawks Start Well, Despite Conspiracy

2007-11-08T14:08:00.000-05:00

Seriously, does the NBA not want the Hawks in the playoffs or what? Here's the rundown of their first 6 games:

Played
vs. Mavs (Won 101-94)
at Pistons (Lost 92-91)
at Nets (Lost 87-82)
vs. Suns (Won 105-96)

Upcoming
at Celtics (Nov. 9th)
vs. Wiz (Nov. 11th)

To be 2-2 after that slate of first 4 games in encouraging. Even more encouraging, though, is the fact that, if not for 2 uneven performances against their Eastern mates, they could easily be 3-1 or 4-0.

I guess this is what makes the NBA different than the NFL. With enough high draft picks, you can eventually put together a decent team, especially if you can snag one legitimate All-Star, like Joe Johnson.

This team is pretty much former coach Lenny Wilkens' wet dream, 4 starters who could post a double/double in some form on any given night, and one off the bench in Josh Childress. Marvin Williams, and Al Horford are all capable of being monsters on the glass from their respective positions, and Josh Smith and Joe Johnson could do it in any number of ways.

Safe to say Horford has been a great pick. He's solid on the glass, and plays physical underneath. It also looks like we may finally see the Marvin Williams that was worth passing on Chris Paul for. A shooting guard with a nice touch, rebounding savvy, and the ability to penetrate and draw a foul. Acie Law still needs some seasoning, but has shown a daring that Atlanta's been lacking from their 1.

Still - a very young team. The games against veteran half-court squads like New Jersey and Detroit show that. The Hawks, with a style more suited for the freewheeling West, struggle when the other team wants to slow it down and run set plays. Luckily, the Suns and Mavs didn't catch on until it was too late.

They've received lukewarm attention from the national media - the real chance to announce the beginning of a turnaround comes Friday night. The Celtics have raced out to a 3-0 start against 3 playoff teams from last year. Because of the orgasmic euphoria being experienced in Bean Town right now, it's expected they will knife through the rest of the East this year like the Celts of old.

The Hawks win there, and people will notice.

I think the most encouraging thing is that they've managed to do all this without the services of a veteran post (either the injured Zaza Pachulia or Lorenzen Wright), and without the oft injured Speedy Claxton...who will surely see some minutes, when 100%.

It's a long season, but I'm starting to believe the long National nightmare is over for Hawks Nation - even if it is the NBA equivalent of Luxembourg.

It gets a bit easier after the next 2 games, so if they can somehow knock out the Wizards as well, they'll be set up for a nice season. And by nice, I mean close to .500.

The Know-Nothing Party, Week 7 - You Can't Spell Change Without "Chan"

2007-11-02T15:09:00.000-04:00

First, some thoughts from last night's "Disaster at Dodd":

“When your running game is not working, you’ve got to go to the air,” Bennett said. “There’s only two ways to score on offense.”

That’s a quote from Taylor Bennett. Mind you, this is after stud freshman Jonathan Dwyer had 10 carries for 68 yards. Yet, any time Tech got on a roll running the ball with Dwyer (who should have started), they resorted next to some underneath route on 3 and 2, or a non-play action pass.

There are alot of things right with the Gailey regime. The recruiting is better than it’s ever been, and he has one of the best Defensive Coordinators in the country in Jon Tenuta.

But, when that D is getting no help from the offense…and the offense is making mistakes like under-running a sure TD or fumbling on a long gain, you have to ask what is wrong over there.

I get the feeling Gailey is still calling most of the shots, not John Bond. It’s time someone sits him down and tells him, in no uncertain terms, that he either gives up control of the O, or he’s gone. There is too much talent on that side of the ball for it flounder so mightily, even without Teshard Choice in the game!

The questionable personnel decisions for one, are concerning. Bennett should have been out after his 3rd pick. You put freshman QB Josh Nesbitt and Dwyer in the backfield and run a read draw/option offense. Both guys were moving the ball on the ground. That kind of offense would have ground the Hokies out last night, but Chan has his boys. He wouldn’t start the true freshman, instead opting for a less than stellar Bennett and an underwhelming Jamaal Evans.

That is just as bad as sticking with Ball. It may even be worse. Bennett currently has a 1-3 TD/INT ratio and a 51% completion percentage. He should be riding the pine, he is not the answer.

Now that I've got that out of the way, we can review my semi-disaster of last week's Party. I was right that this was the year at Georgia would finally win the WLOCP they shouldn't have. It was quite the performance by Knowshon Moreno, as he showed his coach the value of a brutalizing feature back. Richt might learn to embrace the running game yet.

Still, Arizona State remains the biggest surprise succes, while Cal is quickly becoming the biggest surprise failure. Oregon covered, and now sets up a big showdown with Los Diablos Del Sol in Eugene. UConn, much to my chagrin, proves again to be a tough out regardless of who they are playing. Randy Edsall might be auditioning for a move back to Atlanta.

On to this weeks game. I was too lazy and late to pick the Tech-Tech game. Considering the Jackets were favored, my first instinct would have been to pick The Hokies and the points. Oh well.

Lonely Local Collective

We're giving an Auburn a pass this week with FCS Tennessee Tech on the schedule. No line there, thankfully, because Tuberville would find a way to win by one fewer point than whatever it would be. So...

Troy (+16) at Georgia: All the makings of a trap game. Dawgs coming off a big win, facing a tricky Air Raid-style offense, run by a mobile and resourceful veteran QB. If the Dawgs stick to the gameplan they had against Florida, this should be a walk, but I expect a bit of a letdown. Dawgs by 14.

Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease:

My weekly parlay of death. Sure to make me sweat, but alternately could pay for my beer for the next month.

Cincinnati at USF (-5.5): Both these teams got off to ridiculously hot starts, only to come tumbling back to earth in the last few weeks. As far as talent and coaching experience goes, though, the Bulls are way ahead of the Bearcats. Despite 2 Big East losses, the Bulls still have a shot at the conference title with a strong finish. They get started here, and win by 20.

Arizona State at Oregion (-7): Dennis Dixon has gone from Heisman afterthought to vice-Favorite after a strong performance against USC. Another strong game here, on national TV, puts him in the lead over Matt Ryan. Does the Heisman have to wear the ugly white or ugly green, or mustard yellow unis?

LSU (-7) at Alabama: Saban Bowl I. Alabama looked pretty solid against the hapless Vols D a few weeks ago. This isn't the Vols defense, though. Add the bitterness LSU fans feel towards Saban, an inside track to the SEC West Crown. LSU doesn't lose this game with superior talent, and, you could argue, superior coaching. Bayou Bengals by 17.

More Chan-tastic picks next week!

The Know-Nothing Party, Week 6 - I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!!!

2007-10-26T16:35:00.000-04:00

I'm still a little geeked by boing 3-0-1 last week. Off the blog, I even threw in a little Wake Forest -6 action over Navy, and got that one.

I'll enjoy this while it lasts.

Boston College did its part to chip away at my prediction that chaos would reign supreme by the end of next weekend. We'll see if Arizona State, Kansas, and Ohio State can do the same.

On to our weekly slate, featuring all of the undefeateds not named Hawaii.

Hangovers and Parties:

Georgia gets ready for what seems to be their annual capitulation to Florida, while Auburn should get a break from either pulling a win out of their ass, or having defeat shoved up said ass.

Georgia (+7.5) vs. Florida - This is my bold pick of the week. Tim Tebow is banged up, and the last 4 Gator games have all been slugfests, even their road game against Ole Miss. Georgia, meanwhile, has done almost everything wrong and still finds themselves in the midst of the SEC East race. There have been a few times in the Mark Richt era where an inferior Florida team the Dawgs. '02,'03', and '05, to be exact. Georgia turns the tables here because Mark Richt is forced to pick one running back, and go with him. A novel concept for he of the 3 Headed Back.
UGA pulls it out late and wins by 3.

Ole Miss at Auburn (-18) - A little breather for Auburn after 3 straight down to the wire games. Ole Miss has been pretty bad over all, but they're even worse on the road. 44-8 to Arkansas, and 45-17 to Georgia in their last 2 trips away from The Grove. Auburn covers easily by running, running, and running. Coach Tuberville is giddy, and benches all his QBs. Tigers by 24.

This Currency To Be Taken Orally:

Again, giving you my bets for the week, so you know I've got a stake in this!

USF (-4) at UConn - UConn could just as easily be on a 2 game winning or losing streak over the last few games. A close loss to UVa, followed up by a comeback win over Louisville (aided by a sketchy phantom Fair Catch call), and they are suddenly the only undefeated team in The Big East. USF missed a great chance in Jersey, but The Bulls know the conference title is still in their sights, and have a much better defense than Louisville...who still only gave up 14 offensive points to the Huskies. This has the markings of a no touchdown game for the boys from Storrs. USF by 10.

USC at Oregon (-3) - If you, like me, have seen USC play a few times this year, you're in on the best kept secret in College Football. That is, that USC just isn't very good this year. Oregon, meanwhile, was a fumble away from being undefeated and likely leading the BCS standings. In Mark Sanchez's first significant road test, the Trojans venture to one of the toughest places to play in the Pac-10. The Ducks break out their lime green unis with burnt maize piping...eveyone vomits. Still, the Ducks win by 14.

Cal (+3) at Arizona State - This is a hunch game for me since I know exactly zero about the Sun Devils outside of Dennis Erickson, Rudy Carpenter, and absurdly hot women. What I do know is that Cal has beaten Tennessee convincingly, and outlasted Oregon in Eugene. Despite 2 straight losses, I find it hard to believe that they will let that slide go to 3. If they do, of course, I hope it's by 2.9 points! I'm taking Cal to win by 1, though.

Enjoy your viewing and return to marvel at my throbbing temporal lobe next week!

Falcons' Bye Week Thoughts

2007-10-24T13:48:00.000-04:00

A few thoughts on the local NFL team, before the newly released Grady Jackson takes his vengeance by devouring his former team.

On Defense - considering how unprodcutive the Offense has been, the Defense isn't performing as poorly as you would think. 24th Rated overall, but holding up favorably in 3rd Down situations (collapses on 3rd were a staple of the Donatell regime), only allowing a 38% conversion rate. Also - it appears the Falcons may have a rising star in strongside linebacker Michael Boley, who is 3rd in the NFL in tackles, and has 2 interceptions to his name.

On Offense - The main reason I'm writing this. Most people regard Bob Petrino as an offensive mind in the mold of June Jones or Mike Martz.

However - In his time at Louisville, and his lone year as Auburn's Offensive Coordinator, Bobby P. enjoyed crushing other team's souls with equal parts run and pass. Coaching Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown on the Plains in '02, they combined for nearly 1900 yards rushing. His backs were also collectively exceeding the 2000 yard mark in his seasons at Louisville with regularity, including Michael Bush and Eric Shelton spearheading a 3,005 yard output in '04. Safe to say they would have exceeded that number last year had Bush not broken his leg against Kentucky.

My point is - where's the running game, Coach? Unfortunately, it's in the hands of Warrick Dunn most of the time.

This, of course, is maddening to any Falcons fan who has spent even one game watching Jerious Norwood get 6 or 7 carries, and still post at least 30-40 yards. Quite simply, he's a homerun hitter, as evidenced by the fact that all three of his career rushing touchdowns have gone for 67 or more yards (check out a few here). He also flashes a nasty streak when finishing his run - showing a bit of the powerback that Petrino would like to have back there.

A closer look at the stats makes it even more maddening:

Norwood: 47 car. 272 yards 5.8 att 1TD
Dunn: 95 car. 292 yards 3.1 att 1TD

You don't have to be a mathematician to see that Jerious has half as many carries, and almost as many yards. This also goes in the receiving category where Norwood has 17 Catches for 143yds., and Dunn has 18 for 78yds.

I will point out that I think Warrick Dunn is one of the finest men in the NFL, and has had a tremendous career. It's likely he'll pass the 10,000 yard plateau by the end of this year, and he will be one of the NFL's Top 20 all-time rushers in terms of yards. Not bad for a guy most thought too small to be an every down back in the NFL. That being said, he'll be 33 shortly after this season ends. I shudder to think that that he's only 3.5 years older than me...but I'm also not an elite athlete.

It's quite simple - The Falcons need to get their running game going. The offensive line is in shambles, and the quarterback holds the ball too long. Without the run, defenses are loading up on the pass. A 23 carries a game average - 13 of which go to a guy averaging 3 yards a tote - is not going to cut it.

Time to let your playmaker make some plays. Just give me one game where he gets 20 carries. If he isn't over 100 yards by game's end, I'll stop complaining.

The Know-Nothing Party, Week 5 - Fubar'd Again

2007-10-19T15:06:00.000-04:00

The picture to the right is of former New Orleans Saints Coach, Jim Haslett.

Not really related to the college game, but it occurred to me during last night's USF-Rutgers slugfest that Jim Leavitt bears a striking resemblance to the deposed ammonia-sniffer.

That's when I knew it was over for them.

Thus, week 8 of the season commences in the only way it could, another unbeaten falling in agonizing fashion. That fashion? Their mobile quarterback showing a complete inability to avoid the rush and/or throw the ball away.

Kudos to Rutgers for not thinking too hard and just giving Ray Rice the ball 39 times. Offensive Coordinators trying to prove they can win without heavy doses of their best player has been the downfall of many good teams. As my Auburn-fan friend, Jimbo (from The Ocho), informs me, this is one of the big reasons Auburn fell flat in '03...Hugh Nall apparently thought it'd be unfair to give the ball too much to Carnell Williams, Ronnie Brown, and Brandon Jacobs - 3 guys who all start in the NFL, when healthy.

I could go on, but it just seems that coaches nowadays thing being creative offensively equals passing alot. I think West Virginia and Arkansas (well, at least in '06) have proved that doesn't have to be the case.

Anyway - To review, the 5 remaining unbeatens:

-Ohio State
-Boston College
-Kansas
-Arizona State
-Hawaii

By the end of next weekend, it's quite possible only 2 of those will remain unbeaten - one of those being Hawaii. That would bring all of the 1-loss teams back into play for what could be one of the most exciting Novembers in College Football history.

I hate to say it...but if stuff like this happened every year, I might jump off the playoff bandwagon altogether!

On to the picks. 2-3 last week, thanks in large part to Steve Spurrier doing his best Tommy Tuberville impression by packing up the offense with a decent halftime lead. Otherwise, I would have called it a success, and stomped all over Vanderbilt's midfield logo.

The Obligatories

Georgia is off this week, in preperation for their annual sacrifice to the Gator Gods, so we're left with only Auburn and Tech...two teams with very different games on the schedule.

Army (+24) at Georgia Tech: Homecoming on The Flats, and Bobby Ross returns with his Black Knights. Army has no offense to speak of, but have managed to cover a few games against superior opposition, like Boston College. Chan Gailey is never known for beating up on teams not named Samford, so I think the Jackets put it in cruise control early and win by 21 or so heading into their bye week.

Auburn (+10.5) at LSU: The Tigers put some serious voodoo on former Tigers kicker John Vaughn a few years back in Baton Rouge, even while he was on his way to a stellar career in Orange and Blue. Wes Byrum is already a bit of a local hero, twice lifting the Tigers to victory in close SEC Battles. Somehow, some way, he's going to have a bad game. Visiting kickers just seem to in Death Valley.

This game is rarely a blowout, and Auburn is still in the hunt for the SEC West crown. Winning this would put them in the driver's seat, but LSU just has too much at stake. The Bayou Bengals over their fellow Tigers by a late touchdown.

Games I actually put money on.

Putting my money where my mou...er...fingers are? Anyway - 2 picks from my personal stash, maaaannnnn.

Arkansas (-5) at Ole Miss: Quite simple here, Ole Miss has the 98th ranked run defense, Arkansas has Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. As long as David Lee and Houston Nutt don't befall the same disease that we mentioned above, they should roll up about 300 yards rushing on the Rebs tomorrow. Razorbacks by 10.

Michigan (-1) at Illinois: The Wolverines appear to have turned the corner after last week's throttling of Purdue and their moustachioed leader. Meanwhile, Illinois zooked the game away in Iowa City. UM might not have Mike Hart in this one, but I think this team is now squarely focused on winning the Big 10, and getting revenge on Ohio State. Michigan, in a low scoring affair, by 6.

Come back and laugh at me around midnight on Saturday - I should be on my way back from yet another home victory for The Appalachian State Mountaineers!

Ooooh...White Lightnin'!!

2007-10-15T11:23:00.000-04:00

In honor of Ohio State being ranked #1 in the initial BCS Poll, and the recent renaissance of caucasian ball-carriers, I introduce you to Sam McGuffie.

Appropriately, he will be playing in the Big 10, the only BCS conference where it's possible for a white kid to be faster than most of his black counterparts. Sam will be a freshman next year at Michigan.

Nonetheless, the kid's got some freakish skills:

Now, if they could only find someone fast enough to chase down Appalachian State's Wide Receivers, regardless of pigmentation.

The Know-Nothing Party, Week 4

2007-10-12T15:25:00.000-04:00

I usually rip on my picks - but I actually went 3-2 last week! Still, this seems to be an apt name for my general scattershot technique this year. Although, I think very few saw that monumental beat down of the Georgia, at the hands of the usually defensively deficient Vols, coming!

Nonetheless, we plow forward to our 4th foray in the seedy world of picking college football games based on Vegas spreads.

Sherman's March To The Sea Redux

Not a good week last week for the boys from the Peach State. As mentioned, the Dawgs fell flat on their face, hard agains the banks of the Tennessee River. Meanwhile, Georgia Tech did their usual big win/mindnumbing loss routine up in College Park.

Prospects should be better this week.

Georgia (-7.5) at Vanderbilt: It's hard not to root for Vandy, the little Private School That (almost) Could. Still - Georgia needs this game. They're already in danger of finishing 5th in the SEC East. Losing this one might equal the basement. Plus, Thomas Brown is out with an injury, and Kregg Lumpkin has a club hand. Knowshon Moreno should get the bulk of the carries - something many Dawg fans have been hoping for this year. Georgia wins by 10.

Georgia Tech (+3) at Miami: Jon Tenuta's Defense vs. Patrick Nix's offense. I'm sure this constant beat down occurring at Rose Bowl Field during practice for the last 4 seasons is what made Patrick Nix think leaving Atlanta was a good idea. Tech scores just enough to win, despite turnovers. I'm thinking somewhere in the 20-17 range.

Auburn at Arkansas (-3): Auburn is the only one of the teams I cound as "local" to win last week, and they won big. Brad lester is back, and the running game seems to be getting back to Auburn-like levels. If Auburn wins this one, they could inexplicably set up a potential SEC West Title Showdown next week against LSU.

However - everyone remembers the game in Jordan-Hare last year where Arkansas pounced on the #2 team in the country thanks to a corpulent O-Line and 2 1,000 yard rushers. Houston Nutt just seems to know how to beat Auburn, and if he loses this one, he may want to start inquiring about the soon to be vacant Texas A&M job. Arkansas outlasts Auburn, 17-13.

Games I've Actually Picked

I'll actually put my money where my mouth is here.

Texas A&M at Texas Tech (-10): A&M has had one crappy week, with their coach basically getting paddled by the A&M administration for running a secret newsletter off his website. Texas Tech, meanwhile, gets a chance to prove their defense can stop someone under new coordinator Ruffin McNeil (former App State DC, by the way). Tech's had A&M's number, and in the dusty wastelands of Llano Estacado, this is a tall order for the Ags. Graham Harrell catapults into the Heisman Race - Red Raiders by 3 TDs.

South Carolina (-7) at North Carolina: Butchies Boys are coming off their first big one, albeit against a shaky Miami squad. Meanwhile, South Carolina is in an unusual position for them...the second quartet of BCS hopefuls. The OBC knows a surprise out-of-conference loss would mean kissing the Sugar Bowl goodbye, and the 'Cocks' Defense under Tyrone Nix might be one of the most underrated in the country. The Palmetto State over The Old North State by 24.

When Being Wrong Feels So Right

2007-10-04T17:11:00.001-04:00

Yep, I missed on both Georgia and Georgia Tech last week. That's fine with me, since I had the Dawgs barely getting by woeful Ole Miss, and the Jackets falling to Clemson.

Naturally, strange things happened in the Clemson-Tech game (i.e., Clemson's razor sharp offense dulling out), and Georgia finally got their suspect offense in gear. Will that continue this week?

Local Yokels

Georgia (+1) at Tennessee: Well, one thing's for sure, if there is a defense you can score points on in The SEC, it's Tennessee's (and Ole Miss', and probably Kentucky's). Georgia has Kregg Lumpkin back as a running back option, which might gum things up. Mark Richt seems to think a trio of running backs is better than a pair. Hopefully, he'll just use Lumpkin on short yardage situations, and let Moreno and Brown carry the load.

Georgia Tech at Maryland (+2.5): C'mon! We all know it's coming. A big win against an ACC front runner, followed up by a road trip to a fellow pretender to the throne. Is there anyway Tech covers? I submit to you that there isn't. I think Friedgen has thing headed in the right direction in College Park, sans his ability to stop West Virginia or stay away from those delicious Potbelly's sandwiches. My heart says Tech, but my head says Maryland.

Vanderbilt at Auburn (-9.5): This is the kind of game I could easily see Al Borges' offense make very close...as in, enough with that Rocky Road we opened up on Florida last week, back to Vanilla! The X-Factor here is the return of wayward Auburn tailback Brad Lester. He brings some experience and stability to that backfield, and Vandy's offense will have trouble moving the ball on a very stout Auburn D. Wouldn't you agree, Mr. Tebow?

Of National Import

Florida (+7.5) at LSU: I just think this is happening. LSU hasn't looked that impressive in its last few games. While winning both convincingly, they've still gotten off to somewhat sluggish starts. Florida, obviously reeling from that loss to Auburn knows that this game might not only put them out of the National Title picture, but depending on what happens tonight between Kentucky and South Carolina, could put them in danger of being out of the SEC race.

As crazy as this year has been - the only (il)logical conclusion I can draw is that Florida wins in Death Valley.

Oklahoma (-11.5) vs. Texas:Both are coming off surprising losses...but Oklahoma's was a little more surprising. I honestly think Kansas State is a better team than Texas. After all, they're coached by a fellow App State Alum. The question is, do I think K-State is better than Oklahoma? No...no, I don't.

Sorry for the brevity this week, folks, but I'm heading off to Boone for my first Appalachian game this week...which compels me to post this wonderful piece of aerial photography:

See? Isn't that nicer than Ann Arbor?

I Wanna Take This Scam Out Behind The Middle School and Get It Pregnant!

2007-10-03T16:17:00.000-04:00

It looks like Tracey Jordan isn't the only one falling for our favorite e-mail ruse:

Postal Service Cracking Down On Nigerian Scam

And you don't have Grizz and Dot Com to protect you!

I have nothing to add. Just a reminder that you don't have to be a genius to surf these here internets!

Oh, and watch 30 Rock! You're missing the funniest show on Television if you don't. If you're soul is actually dead, you can just keep watching Grey's Anatomy.

Wes Byrum Wears Crocs So He Can Comfortably Kick Your Ass

2007-09-30T01:41:00.001-04:00

Tell me those don't look like the shoes we all hate!

If you're alive after the College Football Nuclear Fallout, you already know that Auburn pretty much outplayed the indefatigable Florida Gators before Tigers' kicker Wes Byrum gave them a double Donkey Punch by making a timeout interrupted 43 yard field goal. This, of course, betters Sebastian Janikowski and Phil Dawson (they couldn't make NFL Hashmark-Type kicks after timeouts) to vanquish Team 1B in the SEC. Team 1A - LSU - looked underwhelming in dispatching of Tulane. LSU-Florida looks decidedly less glamorous next week. Being the SEC, that means the Gators will probably win.

Overall,What a day. Colorado plays DIVISION I FOOTBALL(!!!) against Oklahoma, the 'Cats of K-State remind Texas that they are, in fact, their bitch.

"I know you coached for one glorious year at my Alma Mater, Mack Brown. Still, I have to barrel my sleek cranium into your team's sternum!"

-Ron Prince

K-State proves that, if they can do one thing, it's mercilessly pound the Longhorns.

Rutgers falls to the school that probably has more kids from New Jersey in its student body outside of Piscataway - Maryland. Bravo, Fridge...now, the Big East could realistically send either Cincinnati or South Florida to the Orange Bowl.

Incidentally...is there a harder city to spell outside The 'Nati? I had to spell check to make sure I got right.

Wisconsin might sneak into the Top 5, where they have no business residing,which probably means they'll inexplicably run the table...but I think they'll lose soon.

And, of course, Notre Dame lost in Duke-esque fashion. So close, yet so far away.

This is going to be a great season.

Just For Fun, Right? Right?!

2007-09-28T12:12:00.000-04:00

Clearly, this gambling thing isn't working out too well for me so far. Luckily, I bet small amounts, so I don't start debating about how much Ramen one man can actually ingest in a month, and no one is showing up at my house with a Gibraltar or Costa Rica stamp on their passport.

We'll keep it brief this week, since me trying to reason out why I picked something has pretty much just become a comical view of how I convince myself to pick the wrong games.

To review, I was 2-4 last week. Auburn covered the 16.5 handily against NMSU, and UGA won in overtime...so they obviously beat the 3.5 spread. Georgia Tech let me down (in so many ways), as did the Arkansas and Kentucky defenses, NC State, and Penn State.

This weeks games, a brief note on why I picked them

Local Kids:

Two teams at the crossroads of their season. Will Tech fall to 0-3 in conference play? Will Georgia be able to build on their win last week in Tuscaloosa? Will Mike Patrick bring up Britney Spears again? Even if he does - he's thankfully not calling either of these games.

Clemson (-3) at Georgia Tech: Clemson appears to finally have a solid QB under center, and the already known commodities of Spiller and Davis in the backfield. This game always ends up being decided by the best athlete on the field...whether it be Calvin Johnson or Woody Dantzler. Clemson just has more of those right now. Generally, though, a hard game to predict...which is why mine will probably be wrong (even though that will make me happy in this case).

Ole Miss (+15) at Georgia: Mark Richt rarely likes to do things the easy way - see last year's comeback win over Colorado for proof. He might have the best young RB/QB combo in the SEC, but that likely means he'll pick this game to work the Zone Read (and maybe even Joe Cox) back into his offense, neglecting his massive fullback's obvious run blocking abilities. Ole Miss looked promising against the Gators, as they were the first team to really test them. The Dawgs win, but not by much.

National Games:

Kind of a down week here, with really only 3 "big time" matchups. In fact, the best game might be tonight...thanks to the programming geniuses at ESPN.

WVU at South Florida (+7): These Friday night games do weird things to teams (right, Mike Gundy? Sorry...don't yell at me!). Their expecting the first sell out in school history at The Bulls' impenetrable fortress that is...uh...Raymond James Stadium.

Surely, the Bulls will beam with pride as they think of all the history there, and many octagenarian Alumni will tear up at the montage of the great Bulls teams of yore, when Col. Tiberius Leavitt commandded the team his great-Grandson now oversees.

Okay - so they've only been around 11 years. Thanks to conference realignment, though, the Bulls can interject themselves into the National Title picture this weekend. I don't even think they'll need the 7 points, they just seem to know how to play WVU, and they'll have the "Program Game" atmosphere at their backs. Bulls Win! Bulls Win! Bulls Win! (Flails wildly at Craig Ehlo)

Cal at Oregon (-6.5): Why this isn't the ESPN night game, I have no idea. This is the biggest game of Saturday as it will pretty much determine who gets to unmask USC later in the year. Oregon's hippies have apparently hired a Shaman to make Autzen Stadium a house of horrors for most, and beat Cal there 2 years ago. Cal's hippies would protest, but they're not really aware they have a football team. Anyway - Dennis Dixon leads his troops, sans Brian Paysinger, to a comfortable win, and Jeff Tedford starts wondering when Franchione is going to get the axe at A&M (Hint: it's at the end of this season)

Auburn (+18) at Florida: This should be an interesting game, despite what some might think. You have arguably one of the best defenses in the SEC, who should have one of its biggest cogs back in Trey Blackmon, versus a seemingly unstoppable offense. Florida obviously has revenge on their mind, while Auburn is just looking to cancel out a really bad loss to Mississippi State. Auburn managed to put up 27 points last year without scoring a single offensive touchdown. They might need one or two this time to stop Gold-Plated Baby Jesus, Tim Tebow, and his pet Jesus Lizard, Percy Harvin. Gators win, but the Tigers keep it close.

Stay tuned next week when, like Louisville, my status as a football sage spirals further out of relevancy.

The Myth of the "Vick Divide"

2007-09-26T11:06:00.000-04:00

When they booed Terrence Moore, I wasn't surprised. The moment they booed a spokesperson for The Humane Society, I knew they were crazy.

I knew this, and I felt sorry for the majority of black Atlantans. I know many, and I know they don't think like the Vick apologists. They don't draw comparisons between Bill Belichick videotaping other team's defensive signals, and dogfighting. (Yes, someone actually did that last night) They don't shout down people trying to make valid points, and they don't think Michael Vick got a raw deal.

Still - ESPN has to advance their point of view - that Atlanta is a city comprised of thugs and rednecks, surrounded by apathetic (perhaps secretly racist) suburbanites.

What they don't know, and don't want to take the time to know, is that the discussions that took place on stage, amongst Terrence Moore, Neal Boortz, and Chuck Smith (Terrence Mathis The New York Times' Selena Roberts offered little useful to the discussion), happen at restaurants, offices, and in the media of this city every day.

That is to say - people of different races and backgrounds having a reasonable discussion about what went wrong with Michael Vick - not placing blame on the Federal Government for doing their job, and not claiming that Vick was unfairly targetted because he was/is a black athlete.

These are the black people I know - they are educated, middle class, and think Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and The NAACP are as much of a joke as I do. Until I lived in this city, everything I saw on TV and in print media led me to believe that those racists spoke for all blacks. The media still wants us to believe that the average Southern white is an unintelligent bigot. In their eyes, whether it be the War, Civil Rights, or politics in general, they still wish it was 1967.

Another myth perpetuated by Roberts, the token member of the New York Intelligentsia (can't have a Town Hall meeting without one of them) is that dogfighting is a Rural Southern past-time. Chicago, in fact, has a bigger problem with dogfighting than anywhere down here. Since that doesn't advance ESPN's POV that Atlanta is not only a bad sports town, but backwards, it's not included in the discussion.

Let's also not forget that Michael Vick was tried, and convicted, in Virginia...not Atlanta. Somehow, though, they saw fit to bring their dog and pony show to "The City Too Busy To Hate", and invite the most obnoxious, unreasonable Vick fans to the party.

This city has moved on, this city did not begin to teeter on the brink of anarchy because of this case, and this city (well, most of it) understands that what Michael Vick was doing - supporting illegal gambling, evading taxes, and financially backing an interstate dogfighting ring, puts him on equal footing with any other organized crime boss in this country.

Ultimately, that's what he was.

Boselli Apparently Paying for Transgressions

2007-09-23T20:26:00.001-04:00

Former Jaguars and Texans Tackle Tony Boselli is apparently going through some sort of broadcaster hazing. 3 weeks - 3 Falcons games. Unfortunately for him, Ron Pitts is along for the ride as his play-by-play partner.

They aren't a bad team - just odd that they seem to be stuck covering what could end up being the worst team in the NFC.

Some encouraging things from today's loss to Carolina, though. Harrington was sharp, Roddy White is coming into his own, and the line held well. When you're supposed All-Pro CB gives up 67 yards in penalties on one drive (albeit some shoddy officiating on 2 of the 3 calls), it's going to be hard to win.

Petrino still not running the ball enough - Dunn and Norwood combined for 87 yards on 17 carries. I think Norwood especially needs to get the ball more. He is a homerun hitter, plain and simple.

Mike Patrick Has an Incredible Sense of Timing

2007-09-23T14:13:00.000-04:00

A slugfest between to of The SEC's Big Six...overtime, Alabama up 23-20 on UGA. The Bulldogs lining up for what would eventually be the gamewinning touchdown pass. ESPN's Mike Patrick surely has his thoughts squarely focused on this epic battle, right?

Wrong.

Bravo, Mike - for all the legendary calls Larry Munson has made during Georgia games - you took the opportunity during his first absence in 41 years to trump them all. For that, we are forever indebted. Praise be to the Combover.

One Of The Few Advantages Of Being Strictly An NFL Fan

2007-09-21T10:27:00.000-04:00

Many of us are crossover football fans...college, high school, pro, powder puff...we watch it all. The guys that only follow the pro game, however, have a distinct advantage over the rest - especially those obsessed with the college game, and there is one overriding reason...

Fall Weddings!

While a handful weddings will fall on a Sunday - Saturday being the preferred day hits college football fans, and hits them hard. I know a Georgia fan who, right now, is getting ready to board a plane for Dallas for a Saturday wedding. A Saturday night Catholic wedding that starts at 6:00 CDT - 15 minutes after the Georgia-Alabama game kicks off.

I have been fortunate enough to mostly avoid this phenomena. Although, I was forced to listen to the Georgia Southern-Appalachian State game last year on a faint radio signal in Northwest Georgia. Otherwise, I probably would have driven the 3 hours to Statesboro to watch it in person.

The upshot was that I won $10 off my buddy's dad, whose daughter went to Southern.

(Word to the wise - getting people who know nothing about FCS football to bet on it is as close to a sure thing in gambling as there is...provided you know something about it.)

But - I digress.

For those of us who have been put through this pain - there is finally a place for us:

Fall Weddings Suck

It's heavy on LSU fans, which I can't say surprises me that the women over there didn't/don't probably think things through. Nonetheless - I'm sure you'll find a little bit of yourself in one of these guys.

The Vols fan who had a wedding (likely pictured above)cause him to miss last week's UT-Florida game, however, probably realizes now that he got out easy.

Dr. Farthing, What Happened To Your Arm?

2007-09-20T16:12:00.000-04:00

Well, it was from either sleeping on it the wrong way, or bookmakers throwing me out of a speeding car.

Can't...give...up...yet.

We'll give this picking games thing another go, so I can see what I really know about college football. I'm not exactly sure I want to know the answer to that, but I will be spending all day Saturday in a full on smorgasboard of college football - even if it means watching Auburn vs. New Mexico State on Gameplan (more on that game later).

On to my I Know A Guy, Who Knows A Guy, Episode II

Upstarts:

#15 Clemson at NC State (+7.5) - Let's face it, NC State is the only team to slow down the disturbinglingly efficient BC offense thus far, even if you couple that with their loss to UCF, and a sleepwalk over Wofford, it says something. One thing Chuck Amato left behind, along with red shoes, white sunglasses, and pectoral residue...is a solid defense.

Clemson's Cullen Harper has yet to really be tested, and this will be his first road conference game. Being that he might sadly be the most famous graduate of my High School Alma Mater...and only be 20...I still say Clemson pulls this one off thanks to better athletes on both sides of the ball, but NC State keeps it close until late.

#21 Kentucky at Arkansas (Under 67.5) - Over/Unders scare me about as much as having Reggie Ball under center with 2:00 left and no timeouts. The idea that you can be screwed by a meaningless TD in a blowout just seems to be too risky...most of the time.

In this game - both teams are coming off of offensive shootouts. I am inclined to think it won't be quite as chaotic in Fayetteville this Saturday. Kentucky is coming off a program win, and Arkansas helped kickoff the "Nick Saban is God '07" tour in Tuscaloosa. The Hogs will actually use Darren McFadden for all 4 quarters this week and keep the scoring low, like a good running team should. Remember, this Wildcat team gave up over 300 yards on the ground to Kent State in Week One...and the Golden Flashes didn't have a half-cyborg/half-gazelle in their backfield (unfortunately, DMC's hamstrings not part of the cyborg half).

As for the game itself, I also think it's likely Arkansas covers the 7 thanks to a Wildcat comedown. Still - I am happy to see that people finally remember that Rich Brooks can coach.

Home Warriors:

#Penn State (-3.5) at Michigan - Seriously, does Michigan ever go on the road? Playing their 4th consecutive game in The Big House, which you would think might actually scare them by now, if not for piling on Notre Dame last week. Penn State comes in with designs on a trip to the Rose Bowl. Anthony Morelli has a tidy 7/1 TD to INT ratio, and Michigan's suspect secondary, still trying to catch up with Oregon's Derrick Jones and App State's Dexter Jackson, lining up in a Cover None Zone.

New Mexico State at Auburn (-16.5) - Auburn, unlike Michigan, can avoid starting 1-3 at home because they scheduled the tricky "cupcake" game last. Seriously - if Auburn can't get up enough muster to thwart Mummeball, we might be witnessing the beginning of the end of Tubbytime at Jordan-Hare. Auburn learns to stop throwing the ball at guys who can't catch it, and read past the Preface of their playbook.

There are also rumors swirling that Brad Lester might be available for this one, which will be a big boost to the Tigers rushing attack.

Personal Interest

#22 Georgia (+3.5) at #16 Alabama - Picking against Alabama again, I know. Other than an improbable win against Auburn last year, Georgia's been sliding in the SEC lately. For a team with as much talent as they have, this is unlikely to continue.

Last week, once Arkansas actually made adjustments, they outscored the Tide 38-10 after the 1st Quarter. That last second heart-stopper, combined with UGA's humane destruction of Western Carolina, points to a rested and motivated Bulldog squad.

Really, I am just hoping for ESPN's continued sideline shots of these girls:

Even if they are crying.

Georgia Tech (-5.5) at Virginia - World, meet Jonathan Dwyer, Jonathan Dwyer, world. The Yellow Jacket recruit so good they assigned him #21 as soon as they saw Calvin Johnson out the door, Dwyer is likely to get a few more carries this week with Tashard Choice nursing his tender hammy, and ruptured Heisman Hopes, going into Charlottesville. Apparently, God didn't take to kindly to him running all over religious institutions.

Virginia has a little momentum going with a 2-0 conference start - but it was Duke and North Carolina, after all. Jackets by at least 10.

Finally - the nation's longest winning streak continues this week as Appalachian State wins their 18th straight game in front of the 1100 strong student body of Wofford College.

We'll be back next week to sift through the prediction carnage.

Weekend Review #1 - Owweee!

2007-09-18T10:53:00.000-04:00

Shows how much I know.

Bombed:

Well - I took the easy way out on my biggest miss of the week - picking Georgia Tech to outlast BC, but still saying the Eagles would cover. Boy, did they ever. Matt Ryan looks more like a #1 pick than Brian Brohm right now.

This was typical Gailey-era Georgia Tech, though. Too agressive on defense, too predictable on offense. It'll work against most of the ACC, but BC looks to be for real.

The people that should really be worried about this are NC State fans - Jeff Jagodzinski has this team playing well on both sides of the ball, with the same players Tom O'Brien seemed to always go 9-3 or 8-4 with. The Eagles may well be 7-0 going into Blacksburg on October 25th - a game that looks entirely winnable.

The Rest of the Story:

The first sentence that comes to mind when looking at the 2007 College Football season is "What the hell is going on?!"

Obviously, Michigan-App State started that...but when Wisconsin struggles to hold off the 3rd or 4th best team in the Southern Conference, FAU thumps Minnesota, and Northern Iowa can rightfully claim to be the best team in Iowa (thanks to beating Iowa St., who beat Iowa), these first 3 weeks have just been one hefty helping of crazy. Now that I look at it - especially if you're a fan of the Big Ten.

This is going to be one of those years like 1990, when Ga. Tech and Colorado split the National Title. We're going to have BC vs. Oregon or Rutgers vs. Cal in the National Title game.

Quickly reviewing my less than stellar picks (reminding me that maybe I should stop betting on football):

UTEP +5 vs. New Mexico State:29-24 A push. Nonetheless, can't figure out how you lose to Texas Tech by 14 and can't beat the Aggies. I can only figure Mike Price pulled a "Jake Taylor in his first scene in Major League" type bender the night before.

Incidentally - are Land Grant schools west of the Mississippi just incapable of coming up with better nicknames? Texas A&M, Cal-Davis, New Mexico State, and Utah State...all the Aggies. We get it.

Arkansas (+3.5) vs. Alabama:41-38 The Hogs covered - but didn't do what I wanted, and win. Alabama didn't get Arkansas' best shot until it was already 21-0. It's almost as if Houston Nutt wants to prove he can win without leaning on Darren McFadden. Call me crazy, but when you have the best running back in the SEC since Bo, you lean on him. While, he got 32 carries, and 190 yards - they waited until the Tide were up big to really utilize him.

When Saban finally faces a team with more than 1 player, it'll be a little more difficult (fortunately for him, he has Georgia this Saturday).

Notre Dame vs. Michigan (-8):38-0 Wait, I got one right on the line, and the outcome? Someone stop the Prognostication Sensation! Seriously, you had to see this one coming. Michigan has better athletes, Mike Hart, Mario Manningham, a home game, they were facing Notre Dame's defense...and Mike Hart and Mario Manningham. The Irish might actually start 0-8 - where's your Jesus now, Notre Dame? That's right, he's over here with us Protestants.

I won't even mention the Georgia - Western Carolina prediction. That was just a throw in. The Dawgs still look destined to fall flat on their face this Saturday night.

We'll give this whole picking games thing another go Friday, hopefully it'll turn out better.

I Know a Guy Who Knows a Guy

2007-09-14T12:32:00.000-04:00

Okay, well most of you probably use a website - but if you're getting ready to call your bookie, I have a few thoughts on this weekends games. Including the ones I may, or may not have, put some money on.

On a side note - how random is this movie poster? I don't recognize the names of any of those actors on there...so I had just had to use it. The things you find on Google Image search!

Anyway - on to the games.

Games Of National Interest...

Arkansas (+3.5) vs. Alabama: So, Alabama is 2-0 under Nick Saban, and some Tide fans are already making early December reservations in Atlanta. Everyone can agree that beating Western Carolina was not really much - in fact, it was just mean. The Vandy win, though, showed that against a middling I-A program, Alabama can look like a football team, or reasonable facsimile thereof.

Beating Vandy really only takes 2 steps - 1) Hurt Earl Bennett, or the guy who throws to him., and 2) Win. Done and done. This is a little more complex, as you have to deal not only with Darren McFadden and Felix Jones, but a halfway decent Arkansas defense that is probably drooling at the prospect of Major Applewhite breaking out some plays from his old Rice playbook.

I think the Razorbacks remind Saban that it isn't always going to be Western Carolina on the other side of the ball - but take the 3.5 points anyway.

Notre Dame vs. Michigan (-8): The Wolverines finally get a team that is slower than them. Both teams will be starting True Freshman QBs...but Michigan's gets to throw to Mario Manningham and hand-off to Mike Hart. Jimmy Clausen gets to wonder if the Irish used all their recruiting points to sign him.

Games Of Personal Interest...

Boston College (+7) vs. Georgia Tech: The Jesuits will learn Saturday that their Polish coach isn't quite as infallible as the last Polish guy they hired. It'll be close, though.

Hard to say we know much about either of these teams, considering BC pummeled a hapless NC State team, led by their old coach, and a now 0-2 Wake Forest. I do know that Matt Ryan's production fell off significantly when facing a mildly talented Wolfpack defense, and Taylor Bennett won't throw 5 INTs like State's Harrison Beck did.

The Jackets are at home, and essentially had last week off when they pasted Samford 69-14. They have one of the most underrated running backs in the country. Tashard Choice has gone over 100 yards in 4 straight games against religiously affiliated schools. He'll make it five before turning his attention to those Cardiganned Sodomites at UVa. Choice, and an equally uderrated Jacket defense, will be the difference.

Whoever wins this game will be in the odd position of getting the ACC BCS push - for what it's worth. (Thanks to LOLJocks for the photo!)

Western Carolina vs. Georgia (-Alot): So the Dawgs aren't ignored. It's likely they will start seeing Spurrier's face in place of the Catamount's helmets, a la The Waterboy. The Bulldogs are playing the anti-Appalachian State. Western is actually App State's oldest rival - but have basically been collecting paychecks from BCS teams, and thinking about turning the Southern Conference basement into that bonus room they've always wanted, while the Mountaineers won 2 National Titles and embarassed Michigan. Georgia rolls, and Knowshon Moreno gets his second consecutive 100 yard game...in around 5 carries.

Random Line Of The Week...

UTEP (+5) vs. New Mexico St.: You always seem to have that game featuring two non-BCS schools that just seems to be a trap. This is mine. UTEP is 1-1 after they beat New Mexico by 4 (who beat New Mexico State by 10) and lost to Texas Tech by 14. The Red Raiders needed two late TDs to hold off the Miners to boot.

Somehow, though, the Aggies are the favorite here. The two schools are seperated by 30 miles of the most desolate real estate you'd ever want to see - so, it's hard to say there's any real homefield advantage here. I mean - State is the 2nd biggest school...in New Mexico.

Also consider that Hal Mumme taught Mike Leach the Air Raid offense, which means UTEP will see it for the 2nd straight week. There will be lots of points here, but I'll take Mike Price's almost certain penchant for Juarez whores over Hal Mumme's Ted Haggard-esque hairdo. To Price...it's all the same. New Mexico, Old Mexico - he's giving someone the Dirty Sanchez. Sorry Aggies.

We'll review just how off I was on my opinions next week...and if I miss them all, that might signal the end of I Know a Guy Who Knows a Guy.

Finally, in honor of Appalachian State's game against the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks this Saturday - I present to you a classic Monty Python bit - The Lumberjack Song!

Someone needs to teach this to the student section at Kidd Brewer, or get it up on the video screen!

Sea Change

2007-09-07T11:28:00.000-04:00

This week just keeps getting better.

Mountaineers bring change to AP Poll.

This may mean we will have two teams called The Mountaineers in a Top 25 Poll for the first time ever! Daniel Boone, rejoice!

This definitely makes me knowing that there may have been a money line on the Michigan game (somewhere out there on the internet) feel slightly less aggravating. I might have only bet $10, but I'm sure it would have paid me about 25 times that!

Back to the Poll - I knew when we beat Michigan, it would alter the way alot of people thought about I-AA/FCS football, but I didn't think it would start the process of blurring the line completely. We now appear to be moving back to the way things were 30 years ago...where every team was just "Division I", not I-A, I-AA, or some kind of subdivision.

While I am excited at the idea of Appalachian appearing in the Top 25 alongside schools like Georgia Tech and Tennessee (current denizens in spots 20-25), I'm forced to wonder what this will ultimately mean. If App can be ranked in the top 25, and manages to finish 15-0, why can't they go to a bowl game. Conversely, why can't a team like Boise State or TCU, who are likely to get perpetually shut-out of the BCS National Championship game, decide to go play in the playoffs instead?

Ultimately, since the AP Poll is no longer used to determine BCS spots, it may not matter. But, if it somehow causes a complete elimination of subdivisions, it could spell the end for many of the smaller Division I schools who have neither the resources, nor the fanbase, to compete in a DI free-for-all.

Regardless of what happens - Appalachian may organically succeed in doing something that the legislators have only had limited success in doing - fundamentally changing the way college football is structured.

You Got No Fear of The Underdog...

2007-09-04T15:06:00.001-04:00

...that's why you will not survive!

I've been listening to the song The Underdog off of Spoon's latest album for about 2 months now. During the past 3 days, that lyric has seemed all the more sweet.

For those who may check this blog out on a semi-regular basis (which would also generously describe how often I write on it) that don't already know - I am an alumnus of THE Appalachian State University!

Needless to say, the last few days have been the most enjoyable of my life as a sports fan. There is truly nothing that could compare.

Being a I-AA/FCS fan is a lonely existence. You get strange looks from people when you answer "Appalachian State" to their question "Who do you root for?". The idea of picking your team based on where you went to school seems a foreign concept to them. That all has gone away, if only temporarily, after Saturday's stunning occurrence.

For that day, to anyone who knew me outside of App, I was the person to call. To my friends and acquaintances, I was THE Appalachian guy - and they knew that because I never made excuses for my love of The Mountaineers.

It's one of the feelings people who go to big schools, unless distantly transplanted from their Alma Mater, can't experience. Yet, here I was, only a 4 1/2 hour drive from my school, being bombarded with phone calls and text messages. It felt like a tremendous reward for my loyalty to the Black and Gold.

I can't say much that hasn't already been said from an analysis standpoint, but I will highlight two things:

A) This game was very quickly compared to some of the great upsets of all time - Chaminade over Virginia, US Hockey over the Soviet Union, etc. As mentioned by Kevin Hench of FoxSports, though, the most amazing thing about this upset is that the Mountaineers did it on the road. Most of the "Greatest Upsets Ever" took place at a neutral site, or in a de facto home location, like Lake Placid. That is something truly amazing and unique. This is like Leonidas and his 300 defeating the Persians at Thermopylae!

Although, now that I think about it - Thermopylae is pretty close to Sparta.

B) If you had only heard about this game, you would have assumed that App State must have played the perfect game, a la Villanova vs. Georgetown in the 1985 Final Four.

You would be wrong.

Despite a practically flawless start by Armanti Edwards (he of the now household name), he still finished the game with 2 interceptions, and 1 fumble. The 2nd interception coming when ASU was trailing late - leading most to think this game was over.

The Mountaineers also egregiously missed a chance to make the game 35-20 early in the 3rd Quarter when a wide open Brian Quick, a true freshman WR, dropped a sure TD in the end zone. (Hard to blame a True Frosh in that situation) This forced App to settle for a Field Goal and a 31-20 lead. They would also later miss another field goal that would have made it 34-20 midway through the third.

That miss, ironically, seemed to help seal Michigan's fate as they haplessly botched two 2 pt. conversions later in the game. Quick would also redeem himself later by blocking the first of Michigan's two 4th Quarter FG tries.

We can also forget about safety Corey Lynch leaving Mario Manningham 1-on-1 with Justin Woazeah on the penultimate play of the game - the 46 yard completion that set up Michigan's 2nd blocked FG attempt.

That's because - when the Mountaineers needed a miracle - the man who might one day be Billy Graham's grandson-in-law delivered one.

I, like most App fans, will bask in this for quite a while. Nonetheless, I hope the team is the thinking the same thing I am right now. The shoe is on the other foot this Saturday, and really for the rest of the season. This Saturday, Division II Lenoir-Rhyne comes to town with hopes of taking down a 2-Time National Champion/Media Darling, and having their highlights on ESPN.

If we've learned one thing from this Saturday...it's that anything is possible in college football.

In The Year Two-Thousaaaaaaaannnddd...Seven. (College Football Edition)

2007-08-29T10:17:00.001-04:00

-A tragedy of national proportions will befall the ESPN studios, as Lou Holtz will drown an entire studio tour with his saliva, all while making ridiculously unfounded predictions about a Notre Dame BCS berth. Notre Dame will finish the season at 7-5.

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-Nick Saban will spend the latter half of 2007, in his office, curled up in the fetal position. Meanwhile, some Birmingham area boosters begin the search for the next mediocre NFL head coach to take over the flagging Crimson Tide program. Norv Turner is introduced as the new coach in January.

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-Butch Davis begins to reconsider his choice of schools when he's asked to address to one of his Tar Heel colleagues only as "Mr. Coach Williams, Sir".

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-Across the Research Triangle (which, by the way, woman hate having their hoo-hoos referred to as), Tom O'Brien flies into a panic when he realizes that he's never learned how to coach a home game where every seat is filled. NC State still manages to defeat rivals North Carolina because their head coach has been asked to go get lunch for the UNC basketball team.

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-On November 17th, South Florida shocks the nation as they win the Big East by upsetting #1 Louisville in front of a raucous crowd of 47 at Raymond James Stadium. The Orange Bowl planning committee commits mass suicide.

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-FSU and Miami, realizing they've been surpassed by USF, will merge their football programs thanks to some lobbying by a well known Hurricane Booster. They are henceforth known as 2 Live U.

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-Mark Richt will continue a proud tradition of ignoring the running game when he unveils Georgia's new "No Back" offense. The running backs retaliate by kidnapping all of the Bulldogs quarterbacks and hiding them on the last row at Stegeman Coliseum, where no one ever sits.

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-Darren McFadden pulls of the impressive feat of winning The Heisman, and Arkansas Sportscaster of the year when, in a shocking spate of injuries, he is inexplicably forced to do Play-by-Play from the field.

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-With ESPN no longer compelled to pump up The Big 10, thanks to the new Big 10 Network, the World Wide Leader will shock America when, during a Tuesday night game, they proclaim Conference USA to be the toughest conference in America.

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-On New Year's Day, seismic activity is reported in the unlikely locale of Jacksonville, FL. The epicenter is discovered to be Alltel Stadium, in the exact spot where Maryland's Ralph Friedgen and Kansas' Mark Mangino have just met for their pre-game handshake. Thankfully, no one is injured.
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-USC will forfeit its National Title to LSU when it's discovered that John David Booty is actually supposed older brother, Josh, who just can't let go of his failed career.

-Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit will refer to my alma mater as Appalayshun State no less than a dozen times leading up to the Mountaineers season opener at Michigan. This, despite the school's brilliantly subversive marketing campaigns and outspoken activist students.
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-Upon winning their 3rd Consecutive I-AA...err...FCS title, Appalachian State is promoted to I-A...err FBS in place of relegated Temple. The Owls will fall all the way to Division III before finally dropping football in 2010.

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Enjoy the season everybody!

Fork, meet Braves. Done.

2007-08-27T15:00:00.000-04:00

I had hoped that Bobby Cox's "Al Capone in The Untouchables" style offing of Bob Wickman on Friday might light a fire under the Braves heading into a crucial weekend series with the Cardinals. Oh well.

They're now 4 back of the Wild Card (behind the Rockies...the Rockies!!!), and have done nothing but give up ground over the last month. This is not a team capable of fashioning anything longer than a 2 game winning streak - and that only happens when Smoltz and Hudson pitch back-to-back. The rest of the rotation is about as useful as Mike Hampton, circa today.

I'm ever the optimist, though. Hampton will be back in '08, Chuck James will be a year older, as will JoJo Reyes. I expect, though, that Schuerholz will go out and find a legit 3rd starter - maybe by dangling Edgar Renteria and either James or Reyes.

We also can't forget, of course, that a certain...ahem...dead weight will be removed from the Braves batting order, along with his audacious salary. The kind of money that could be used to get a decent starter or closer.

Even more optimistically, I know it's 3 days until college football season, and 10 days until the NFL starts...so, really, I was about to stop paying attention to baseball anyway.

Side Note: The picture above was the first one that popped up on a Google Image search of "Braves Lose". I couldn't tell you who those guys are, or what year that is from...but I'll be damned if it doesn't just sum up the second half of the season.

American Music Now With More Pre-Packaged Goodness!

2007-08-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

In case you can't get enough of Fall Out Boy, or set your DVR for reruns of Making The Band:

The makers of American Idol now bring us America's Next Great Rock Band!

Ugh - Good to know that radio Program Directors will now have the ability to think even less critically when picking new songs for their stations. Thank God for Satellite Radio, Sirius-ly.

Get Out

2007-07-19T13:52:00.000-04:00

This isn't a local case. There won't be a slap on the wrist. The Federal Government rarely loses cases, and they don't indict for publicity, or for voters. Michael Vick is going to jail. Period. And if all of what is in the indictment is true - he should stay there for a long time.

As a Falcons fan, you have to wonder what they are going to do. They brought in Bobby Petrino because he was an offensive guru and disciplinarian. Now, their marquee player, who needed Petrino's help the most, is engulfed in heinous accusations because someone didn't act as the latter of Petrino's most visible traits earlier.

According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 99% of federal cases from 2000-2005 resulted in convictions. This, of course, includes the Enron case, and the Scooter Libby case - and I don't think President Bush will be commuting Michael Vick's sentence any time soon.

Time to move on. Time for the Falcons to open up the starting quarterback job to anyone besides Vick. D.J. Shockley, Joey Harrington, even...ugh...Chris Redman. Oh, and there's a guy named Culpepper currently in the market for a new team. The worst thing he's ever been accused of doing is receiving some special attention from a stripper in plain view of boaters on Lake Minnetonka. While disgusting - definitely forgiveable.

I know Vick is innocent until proven guilty, but that doesn't mean he has the right to keep playing football while on trial. Cut him, suspend him, bench him - do whatever you can to make him not be a distraction. The Falcons brought in arguably one of the brightest offensive minds in football, and he has provided a high quality coaching staff in turn. There is so much invested in this team right now, don't waste it by post-poning the inevitable.

Whither, Gobots?

2007-07-17T16:52:00.001-04:00

As a child, I picked the wrong side in the Gobots vs. Transformers battle. I was never more reminded of that than this past Sunday as I witnessed the retro-Nerd giddiness that is the Transformers movie. As, I am not a huge fan of the genre, it definitely falls into my "Good For an Action Movie" category along with the first Die Hard, Top Gun, and of course, Red Dawn.

Still - amongst the sturm and drang of Michael Bay's newest homage to determined, slow motion, walking, I couldn't help but wonder what had become of my beloved Gobots. Will they ever get their moment in the Summer Blockbuster sun?

I think the reason I liked them more was the fact that one of them was named "Turbo". When you are an 8 year-old boy, the word Turbo automatically equals cool. Incidentally, this also why the character Turbo was much cooler than Ozone in Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Some men actually never grow out of this phase, and it causes them to subconsciously buy not only cars, but new razors, energy drinks, and computer based income tax programs.

Sadly, I learned that Hasbro now owns the rights to the Gobots, and will surely keep Leader 1, Turbo, and the rest of the Gobot pantheon under wraps. Voltron, you're my only hope!

Deprived Indifference

2007-04-02T16:38:00.000-04:00

It's been a while, my dearest blog...

I'd be remiss if I didn't offer my two cents on tonight's game between Florida and Ohio State. It seems the Sports Gods have conspired against me. For the 2nd time in 3 months, I'll be subjected to Buckeyes and Gators duelling for the right to be called Supreme Commander of The Order of The Jean Shorts.

Obviously, the edge goes to The Gators. They do, after all, have a website that proclaims their superiority in this fashion...er...trend. As I was wandering through a see of unnecessarily revealing denim in The CNN Center today, I was reminded that Buckeye fans have the ability to take it a step further with mustaches. Their dogged one-upsmanship has gotten them this far twice, but will it be enough? Will all of the gasoline doused couches in Columbus get their just desserts?

Incidentally, I was also reminded that - unless they are sporting your teams garb - large groups of middle aged men wearing collegiate apparel will almost always resemple large bags o' douche.

Back to my original point - regardless of whether or not furniture is incinerated in Buckeyeland, it's a lose-lose situation for Ohio State. Yes, they get the basketball National Title from Florida, but they will receive it with everyone knowing they would like to trade it for that gaudy crystal football the Gators got to hoist back in January. Well, everyone but the basketball team will feel that way.

Again, I really don't know who to root for. I guess, as a Southerner, I'm supposed to feel some sort of loyalty to the SEC. That just can't account for the fact that Joakim Noah scares me. There's something slightly off about him - the semi-stache, the dancing, the hair that is only a spontaneous pregame slumber party away from showing up on the court in a French Braid. It all makes me uneasy.

Of course, I know that means I'll hear the words "With the 5th Pick in the NBA Draft, the Hawks select Joakim Noah." in June...

I wouldn't mind picking up Greg Oden, but as we know...the NBA won't rig the draft lottery for the Hawks like they did when the Cavaliers got LeBron James. Otherwise, Dwight Howard would be dominating the middle in his hometown right now, alongside childhood buddy Josh Smith. Sigh.

I think ultimately what has tipped the scales is the fact that I don't want a man named Thad coaching a team to a National Title. The success of any man named Thad will unnecessarily embolden spikey-haired, pop-collared kids everywhere. Next thing you know, guys named Chet, Talan, Chazz, and Austin will be leading teams to the Final Four. We just can't let that happen!

So...uh...Go Gators, I guess.

Out of Hibernation

2007-03-29T14:15:00.000-04:00

It's been a while, old friend. I haven't given you the attention you deserved...forgive me.

Yes, I was groveling to my blog. What of it?

Okay, so I haven't been hanging around these here Blogger parts for a while, and I didn't really know when I was coming back. Sometimes, you don't get to make that choice. Last week, two encounters with surreality took the choice out of my hands.

I'll get to it - I'm not induced to unabashed staring much, but when I wander into a dive bar and see Jared from Subway buying round after round of shots in attempt to get a chick drunk, it's like watching the most glorious of trainwrecks.

Yes, it was actually him, not someone unfortunate enough to resemble him. I had heard he was there, and just assumed it was the usual embellishments about another patron. How wrong I was - seeing this doughy physiqued, toothy spokesperson for mediocre sandwiches in the flesh was slightly unsettling. Not only that, but watching his attempt to ply a girl with alcohol...that image is burned into my mind.

I had to resist the urge to just go over and berate him for helping America develop a taste for mediocre deli meats and knock-off condiments, but I didn't. Seriously, I hate Subway...if they didn't convince me that I could eat out healthy by eating there, I probably wouldn't have gone there in the last decade.

Jesse Jackson May Finally Justify His Existence

2006-11-28T13:34:00.000-05:00

I can actually agree with him on something for once:

Jesse Jackson tries to eradicate N-word from Entertainment Industry

A bit of a lofty goal, for sure, but I can't say it wouldnt' be a step in the right direction. If you haven't figured it out by now, I am one of the whitest whities to ever buy SPF 45, so I can't speak from personal experience as to what the use of this word does to African-American society.

From my perspective, though, the use of this word by ostentatious hip-hop artists and actors speaks to an underlying self-loathing. One that has long been engrained in that community due to years of being told that they were nothing but...that word. It provides the impetus for seemingly well reared children of all races feeling the need to start gangs and show their manhood by gunning down their unarmed peers. It goes along with many more complex issues in the rise of gangs, of course, but it can never be called a positive force.

I know this will become a free speech issue to some, and I am not one to fight free speech. If this, however, begins the process of this word being rooted out of the Pop Culture lexicon then I'll actually feel good about something Jesse Jackson did.

Fruit Up!

2006-11-10T13:28:00.000-05:00

That's right - everyone's favorite lecherous, mysoginistic, capitalist TV character is played by a gay man. I honestly can't say I'm surprised. A few months ago, in one of my many trips to Wikipedia, I decided to read up on the actors that so adeptly make up the ensemble of How I Met Your Mother.

Upon reading Neil Patrick Harris' bio, two things jumped out at me:

- He took the role of Emcee in the Broadway production of Cabaret, one of his many musical theater performances

- He had several guest appearances on Will & Grace.

Hmm. Pretty much all that was left was for him to list Judy Garland as a primary influence.

So, when Doogie officially came out this week, I was ready for the blow. I mean...you know what I mean!

Anyway, apparently one of the biggest reasons this story came to the fore was due to a blurb about his boyfriend getting a part on HIMYM only because he was dating Harris. I know, it's outrageous to think that someone would get a part in showbusiness because they knew someone. I wonder if this is the first time that has ever happened?

Kiss me, Vinnie.

I doubt this will do anything to affect the show's viewership. It's not like it was family friendly programming anyway. Harris does a great job with his character, too, much like the straight guys playing gay on Will and Grace. Maybe it's just easier to play the other side because you know exactly where to go for the easy jokes?

I am a fan of the show...it kind of fills that Friends void I had with my buddies where you decide which character you are (an activity women participate in much more than men because every female ensemble is just like their group of friends). Luckily, I was not Barney (I am Ted. Duh.), because now the jokes are just way too easy on the guy that we decided IS Barney...more or less.

Black Saturday

2006-10-27T17:21:00.000-04:00

While the rest of my friends sit, transfixed, at the broadcast of The World's Largest...uh...Juice and Cookies...Party on Saturday, I'll be enjoying my own border war. A game that has not disappointed, Appalachian State vs. Furman.

It's hard to describe your passion for I-AA football to your typical College Football drone, but I promise if they made one trip to Kidd Brewer Stadium for this game, they would understand. To condense it, here's the App State Press Release on the recent history.

The biggest reason I wanted to mention this game, is I could post this video. Ever see a sports moment on TV that you wish you could have seen in person? I don't have many, but this is one of them. Just to set the stage, the TD Furman scores on this clip gives them a 15-14 lead with 7 seconds left to play. Hoping to go up by a field goal, Furman Coach Bobby Lamb opts for the two-point conversion. What ensued was one of the most improbable endings to a football game I had ever witnessed:

One of my fellow Mountaineers was kind enough to preserve some other clips of the play (including the Fox Sports call, and Chris Berman's Top 10 Plays) here. Look under 2002.

Alas, I haven't seen these teams play in person since 1998. Primarily because it's always on TV, and also because I try to spread my trips to Boone out so my majestic Hunter Green Blazer does not turn on me by spontaneously combusting on I-85.

Here's hoping to another great game, and a 23rd consecutive home win for the Mountaineers.

Semi-annual Free Pass Not Yet Issued to Big 12 - Journalist Stunned

2006-10-18T12:48:00.000-04:00

The Big 12's suspiciously good fortune in this bogus BCS system has rankled me for some time. It probably all goes back to 1990 (the nexis of my college football experience) when the then Big 8's Colorado got 5 downs to beat Missouri, and a questionable clipping call, levelled against Notre Dame, in the Orange Bowl...erasing the game winning Irish touchdown.

This allowed the Buffaloes to share the National Crown with an undefeated Georgia Tech squad that had demolished Nebraska (the 2nd place team in the Big 8) 45-21 in The Citrus Bowl earlier that day. Not to mention the fact that I haven't heard of a modern team before, or since, winning a National Title with a loss and a tie (obviously not possible anymore) to their name.

Since then, The Big 12 has had a team win a share of the National Title by campaigning to the media (Nebraska '97), and two teams play for the title without even winning their conference crown - '01 Nebraska and '03 Oklahoma. Shocking to no one, neither won the BCS Title Game.

That's why when I happen to come across an article decrying the lack of respect given the conference by the recent BCS Poll, I do something I rarely do - fire off a terse response to the writer:

Date: Oct 16, 2006 11:47 AM
Subject: Let's Review The "Big" 12...
To: john.lopez@chron.com

The Big 3, Little 9's Last 4 Trips to the National Title Game: 1 Win and 3 Bad Losses. You're right, Big 3, Little 9 (Henceforth, "B3L9") teams can score...against other B3L9 teams. Arguably the two biggest out-of-conference games of the year netted the two likely participants in the B3L9 Title Game (Their elite?) a grand total of 17 points. (USC-Nebraska, Texas-Ohio State)
That's how the B3L9 measures up to the top BCS teams. 2 TD's Better than Notre Dame? Maybe...but you're talking about a team that had to scrape and claw to beat woeful Michigan State. They will be exposed again.
You can complain all you want about Auburn, but the fact remains that they have beaten LSU and Florida without much offense. That is much more impressive than hanging 63 on Baylor...who scored fewer points against Army. They got caught looking ahead, and a coach like Houston Nutt will make you pay for that.
Meanwhile, B3L9 Teams like Kansas have to figure out how they lost to a bad MAC team in Toledo, how Texas Tech's mighty offense scored 3 points on a middling TCU team, or how Oklahoma State lost to a Houston team currently on a 3 game losing streak. Yes, the SEC has Mississippi State, but the B3L9 has several teams that inspire about as much confidence in their fan-bases as Starkville's Bulldogs.
Why is that? Well, I personally think it's because the B3L9 is down. You can call it whatever you like. Don't worry, the time will come again where a B3L9 team gets blown out in their final regular season game, keeping them out of the B3L9 Title Game, is dismantled by a lesser team in said Title Game, and still gets to play for the National Championship, or gets to play ahead of a 12-0 SEC team, only to fail to show up for the Orange Bowl. It is because of that history that any B3L9 apologist whining about "their" 1-loss team being excluded makes my skin crawl. They deserved it last year, they don't this time...nor did they in '01, '03, or '04...

Sincerely,
Eric
Atlanta, GA

I'll let you know if I hear back from the guy. It's doubtful, though. As good of an argument as I feel I made, I wouldn't be surprised if his ill-conceived piece received numerous missives like mine.

Schwab! Seee-crets...

2006-09-27T11:34:00.000-04:00

By now, most of you have either watched or heard about my performance on ESPN's Stump The Schwab. For those who haven't, here's a quick and dirty recap, before I reveal its inner-workings:

I beat the other contestants in my particular episode, which was my initial goal. ESPN paid for nothing in terms of travel and lodging, so actually coming out of this in the black was a relief. Unfortunately, I was no match for The Schwab and his minions in the Schwab Showdown, and was thus denied the opportunity to continue on my quest.

I have to thank my friend Colleen, by the way, for allowing me to sleep on her couch for 3 nights. Not only did I get my first exposure to Harlem, but I saved who knows how much on Hotel fees.

As for my "big day", it was quite long. We had to be at the Lower Manhattan studio at 10 am to get ready for this show. In their desire to get this show "in the can" as expeditiously as possible, they were doing 3 episodes this day. We had been assigned our fellow competitors, but then the shows Lawyer-type made is draw lottery balls out of a hat to determine which time-slot we had. Naturally, I ended up on the final show of the day, scheduled to begin shootin around 5 in the afternoon.

No problem, right? I'll just watch the other episodes being shot. Wrong. Fearing that we might be able to divine what categories would be presented to us by watching these prior tapings, we were sequestered in the "Green Room" with some VHS tapes of late 90's cinema. I use the term "Green Room" loosely...it was more like 2 couches, a 13" TV, and small window. I guess "Minimum-Security Prison Cell" would be more accurate.

Nonetheless, I finally got around to seeing Swingers, all the way through, for the first time. Sad that it's taken this many Jon Favreau-pounds-gained for me to just now see his finest work. After several hours of waiting, not being allowed to study my copious notes, and a showing of L.A. Confidential (great movie), they were ready to send us into the Belly of the Beast.

I hoped to get a chance to exchange pleasantries with Schwab, and even Stuart Scott (maybe even find out he isn't the jock-sniffing poseur that he portrays on TV), but that didn't happen. This really just seemed like a thing both of them wanted to get over with so they could go home. I can't say I was too surprised.

In my college days, I was a TV intern, and worked around many personalities who seemed to take their job for granted - even though there were thousands of viewers, and small-market broadcasters, who would take their place in a nanosecond. Eventually, I guess it all just becomes work, regardless of what you do.

Finally on set, we get the show rolling. I had a notebook with about 150 pages of potential categories, so I felt very prepared. Then, we get the first category in "Leading Off" from Stu:

"Name the 16 players who had 10 or more sacks in the NFL last season."

Well, there's a category I wasn't expecting. I'm first, too, so I go for the most obvious answer...

Me: Michael Strahan
Stu: Correct

That's great. Still blanking on who to go with next. Why didn't I think of this one? The guy next to me misses, then Schwab and the big dude from Chicago name guys I wouldn't have thought of. Sweet...my turn again. I feel so lame going for names even a casual football fan would think of...

Me: Simeon Rice
Stu: Correct

Shwew...that's already two more than the guy next to me. I end up being the last contestant left, and I'm looking to go obscure (i.e. a Falcon). I can't remember who had more sacks though...Patrick Kerney or Rod Coleman.

Kerney, Coleman, Kerney, Coleman, Kerney, Coleman...

Me (aloud): Patrick Kerney
Stu: Incorrect

Great, I can't even remember stuff from my favorite pro team, I'm screwed!

Miraculously, that turns out not to be the case as I scoot through to the next round, take out my reaming competition, and move on to the Showdown. Once there, I get the distinct pleasure of mentioning my Alma Mater on the air.

The Question: "What 3 time ACC Coach of the Year came out of retirement in 2006 to take the head coaching job at College Of Charleston?"

My Answer: "Former Appalachian State Head Coach Bobby Cremins."

In your face, Georgia Tech! Although, I did enjoy Lethal Weapon 3's run to the Final Four back in '90. So, thanks for that.

Really, the first two questions in the Showdown couldn't have gone any better for me. The first question was from the category involving Baseball Mascots, and I honestly had the thought "I wonder if they'll ask one about the former Montreal Expos' mascot, Youppi!?". Sure enough, he/it was the answer to the first question.

After that, though, I don't think it could have gone any worse. I blanked the rest of the way, and got a few strange looks from the Schwab when I missed. I wanted to smack the look off his face, just to take him back to High School for a moment, but thought better of it. Besides, how many 28 year-olds do you know can even remember that Wendell Tyler played for the Rams (or who he was), even if it's the wrong answer?

I went pretty meekly. Along the way, though, I learned a few things:

A) I'm too racey for ESPN Classic. Early on in the show, Stu asked me about a particular streaking incident I was party to in college. I completely blanked that I had written that on my application, in a shameless attempt to get on the show. I guess my description of how I protected my...uh... future children (upon taking a nasty fall during the incident) was a little too vivid. Thus, it was edited out.

B) The editors ostensibly also thought I was a Red State xenophobe. The 2nd category in Round 1 was "Name the Final 16 Teams in this year's World Cup". We killed the category...and when I gave my final answer, it involved the States' arch-rival in soccer. My actual reply was "As much as it pains me to say it - Mexico." What made the air was me saying "Mexico". Me saying what I said is basically like a Michigan fan being forced to answer about who won the 2003 Fiesta Bowl.

Apparently, though, the post-production folks were worried that a Mexican-American viewer might be offended...the largest group in this country that is acutely aware of the aforementioned rivalry. Between this and the Streaking story, they succeeded in editing much of my personality out of the show. Kind of ironic, since ESPN has a track-record of including too much personality in their other shows. Boo yah!

C) The Schwab may know alot, but he appears scared of College Football. Considering his Yankee upbringing, it's no shock. I think I'd avoid Hockey like the plague if the tables were turned. I still find it interesting - considering that one of the producers confessed to us that the writers for the show are running out of categories for the "Leading Off" round. It's a subject that certainly would have helped me alot.

So, I come back to Atlanta $1,000 richer (Less the cost of airfare and food. Thanks, ESPN!), and secure in the knowledge that I don't know as much about Sports Trivia as The Schwab. I'm actually glad that I don't. I'd have to think it might affect my social life just a smidge if I did. As one of my female friends put it - "I know how to Stump The Schwab...ask him how to pick up chicks!"

Of course, his wife might have something to say about that.

Parallel Football

2006-09-19T13:28:00.000-04:00

I've said many times to friends that the closest thing in the U.S. to the tradition, and atmosphere of European soccer is College Football.

Inspired by my attendance at the SEC West slugfest between Auburn and LSU (the football equivalent of a 1-nil victory), I will effort to explain the various European leagues to you by offering up their corresponding College Football conference. I hope I can continue my efforts to bridge the gap between these two, seemingly disparate, cultures.

Coincidentally - last weekend, Manchester United and Arsenal slogged through a 1-0 decision in a rivalry that is very similar to the one I was witness to. Neither involves a common border. Rather, they were borne out of the fight for league supremacy, and neither fan base has a fondness for the other.

Now, regarding the subject of acquainting these distant cousins.

In European leagues there are several elite teams battling not only for their particular country's League crown, but for the Champions' League title. Meanwhile, smaller clubs would be ecstatic to somehow win the league once a quarter-century, or maybe get a berth in the UEFA Cup.

This, of course, is much the same way a team like LSU considers a season out of the BCS picture a failure, while Kentucky would tear down their goalposts after making the Liberty Bowl.

Much like I-A football having the Big 6 Conferences, European soccer has the Big 4 leagues. Obviously, the numbers don't match, so we'll get a little creative.

The Pac 10: The German Bundesliga - A league that currently houses only one truly top-notch team, Bayern Munich. Leaguewide, there are several serviceable sides that somehow manage to remain pretenders to the throne. Bayern attracts some of the best players from across the continent, while the other teams always seem to get smoked when facing non-German opposition. It's a league that has gradually lost the ability to turn out quality defenses (much like the death of The Desert Swarm), and, if not for Bayern, might be in danger of falling out of The Big 4.

Also, The Pac-10 houses most of its teams in California, and the Bundesliga covers a unified Germany. Thus, both collectives feature fans who think Communism might actually work if just given another chance.

The Big 12: Italian Serie A - Several very solid organizations at the top of the league, and some shockingly bad teams at the bottom. Serie A embodies the economic gap between affluent Northern Italy and relatively barren Southern Italy much like The Big 12 embodies the difference between the booming population of the Southwest and the static, primarily rural, population of the Great Plains. The league has worked for years to shed images of a largely defensive mentality paired with vanilla offenses.

Much like the formerly seperate Big 8 and SWC of the 1980's, Serie A has recently had to deal with two of it's more powerful clubs, AC Milan and Juventus, being caught in a scandal of the highest order. Juventus played the unfortunate role of SMU in this case, being relegated to the lower divisions of Italian soccer - likely for many years to come. AC Milan is hoping to return to prominence a little...uh..."sooner" than that.

This development has allowed one of the other glamour clubs, Inter Milan, to re-ascend to the top of the league after a relatively dormant period - unlike Texas, it wasn't because they foolishly hired John Mackovic as their Head Coach.

The ACC: French Ligue 1 (Leeg Uh! if you are looking for the correct pronunciation) - Constantly clamoring that they should be included in the discussion of the top leagues, while being pretty much dominated by the same team every year. Before the arrival of Virginia Tech and Miami - Florida State controlled the ACC Title like Olympique Lyon currently controls Le Championnat.

When criticized about their qualifications for inclusion in European's Soccer Elect, will respond in a similar fashion to ACC fans by touting their superior culture and education over neighboring barbarians. Ultimately, these sour grapes are derived from their inability to convert similar resources into the results of their neighbors...

The SEC: La Liga - Spain's top division. Despite grumblings from some pastily complected folks that live north of there, widely considered the toughest league on the continent. Full of teams who have seen success domestically and continentally, as well as a slew of provincial and cross-regional rivalries. Through excessive government control, and shady backroom deals, Alaba...I mean...Real Madrid were able to dominate the league for many years.

With corruption and subversion now less prominent in the region - Real's primary rival - along with 2 or 3 other large clubs appear poised to do battle for supremacy in the coming years. Despite this, Real's fans will still try and convince you that they are the flagship club of La Liga.

Also, as in the SEC, you do not want to commit the egregious era of mistaking one Spanish dialect for another. The consequences could be dire!

Of course, there is another league that often clamors of the title Best of the Best, even though it's teams have a reputation for coming up just short during European competitions...

The Big 10: English Premier League - The oldest of the big European leagues, and despite having teams set in some sparsely populated areas, constantly one of the best attended. A league that, until recently, was dominated by the team with the largest stadium in the country. That is, until a mad genius arrived from a second tier league, and took over a club in one of the largest population centers. Using seemingly endless resources, he finally backed up that teams claim that it is a force to be reckoned with on the continent. Interestingly enough, Ohio State's Jim Tressel and Chelsea's Jose Mourinho even bear a passing resemblance.

Their footprints are both identified as places where ideal versions of the English Language are spoken. Yet, England and Big 10 Country (By virtue of running from Pennsylvania to the Dakotas) have mangled their native tongue into numerous semi-indecipherale vernaculars.

Our next subject is a rogueish monolith that is always trying to butt in on the party. Charting its own course - even though it occupies an overlapping swath of land to the EPL...

Notre Dame: The Old Firm - Scotland's flagship clubs, Celtic and Rangers. They are pretty much an anachronism in the modern soccer scene, despite what their supporters (and a handful of media members) claim. Always purporting to be part of Europe's Ruling Class, until they fall meekly to a team from one of the power leagues. Haven't won anything significant in a really long time.

Inextricably linked with a particular Christian Sect, despite the fact that most of their players likely don't subscribe to those beliefs. If not for years of tradition and rabid fans, their status on the periphery of the main leagues would probably have put them in the same position as...

Army/Navy: The Scottish Premier League - Really just scheduling fodder for The Old Firm. Every once and a while they'll make someone sweat, but never really seem capable of a big breakthrough season. Their best days ended a long time ago, and a UEFA Cup berth is usually a sufficient outcome for their respective fanbases.

Still, they aren't that far behind a league that claims to be part of the elite, but is usually met with raised eyebrows and chuckles...

The Big East: The Dutch Eredivisie - Home to 3 decent teams - Feyenoord, PSV Eindhoven, and Ajax. As in The Big East, most fans outside its borders couldn't name the rest of the league if you put a gun to their head. Nonetheless, very few around Europe would want to face those Top 3 in a winner-take-all scenario.

It all makes sense, now, doesn't it?

2 Athens In Battle For "Ninja City" Title

2006-09-14T14:34:00.000-04:00

It's good to know that after all the years of Athens, Georgia honoring its Hellenic namesake, the Grecians are giving back:

Petros Onen, 49, had held up 11 small suburban bank branches making away with 50,000 euros ($63,590) in recent months, threatening to throw his razor-sharp, palm-size stars -- made famous by the Japanese ninja warriors -- at cashiers, police said.

You'll remember that, in April of this year, UGA Student Jeremiah Ransom forever linked the words "Athens" and "Ninja" when he was accosted by some serendipitously placed ATF agents.

Fortunately, this time the authorities in Greece arrested someone actually attempting to abuse Real, Ultimate Power.

Nonetheless, it's nice to see a little friendly competitions among the Athens. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm on my way to Ohio University for Nunchuk convention.

Fake Band Shows Shocking Lack of Creativity

2006-09-13T19:04:00.000-04:00

This made my day:

"Orange County, CA band, Supernova, have won their fight against CBS show, Rock Star: Supernova, as San Diego Judge John Houston ruled Tuesday (Sept. 12) that the company will have to rename the band formed from their reality show..."

Yeah, it doesn't take much to make my day.

Wow. You mean the replacement bassist for Metallica, the replacement guitarist for Guns N' Roses, and the uh...replacement hose for Bret Michaels couldn't come up with an original name for a prefabricated band? Shocking.

Just to illustrate the density of the folks making creative decisions for this "supergroup" - the original Supernova has been around since 1989, been on the line-up for 2 Warped Tours, and was under contract to Atlantic Records. In other words, not exactly four buddies playing high school proms.

My college roommate (who I'm sure will be pissed that this is the first time I mention him on here) has been imploring me to watch this show. Discovering this story just reinforces my decision to avoid it.

Nevermind the fact that I'm not a huge fan of any of the bands these dudes previously schlepped for, but I just can't bring myself to watch an hour of what amounts to High-Stakes Karaoke. American Idol for Straight Men and Lesbians, if you will.

To that end - when you strip away the stage show, it's really just karaoke without the alcohol-laden kitschiness. None of these contestants are ever going to sing "Build Me Up, Buttercup" or "Afternoon Delight" are they? Didn't think so. What fun is that?

Even more depressing, some of the show's viewers will have the poor fortune to actually pay money to see Super...uh...whatever their name will be...tour. These are likely the same people who perpetuate the rampancy of cover bands across our fair nation.

I know people who get uber-excited about going to see less talented people play more talented people's music, and gleefully shell out $5 - $10 to do so. Unless I'm seeing a musician that might someday come out with an album of their own music, I am pretty reluctant to pay a cover. I avoid them like the plague anyway.

It's part of living in the city, I guess. Let me get this straight - I'll pay 5 bucks to get into your bar, and I still have to pay 4 dollars a pop for a beer? Really, you're too kind.

Sadly, I'm in the minority. I do have to say, though, that it's a good way to weed out potential dates. If your sole reason for being out is so you can see this "totally awesome 80's cover band", you're probably not someone I'm going to connect with. Thanks for gathering en masse. Your attendance is duly noted.

The cruel irony in all of this has to do with where I'm going tonight - off to eliminate another ten score single women from my dating pool. Damn you, pop culture!
Oh, and my suggestion for a new band name? Easy...they should be called Armada!

It Is Imperative That We Shield This Single Family Residence, 2006 Edition

2006-09-01T12:28:00.000-04:00

It's finally here. When I was a child, my favorite time of the year was obviously Summer. As an adult, though, Summer might as well just be called Spring, part 2. I still have to work, but then I have to take extra care that my non-existant pigment isn't exposed to those harmful UV rays.

To put it mildly, other than the reduced traffic on my way to work - Summer is your hot ex-girlfriend from high school, who looks even better now. Meanwhile, you look like...well...you, and you can't have her anymore.

That's why I welcome the early rustlings of Fall. For a child of the South, Autumn kicked off Thursday night, no pun intended, with the first games of the College Football season.

I'll have to say, last year will be hard to top for me. 2005 was the greatest football season of my life. I really only have 2 others that merit mentioning:

1990: My first season of really paying attention to the college game. Georgia Tech, led by the nasally commands of Bobby Ross, goes 11-0-1 to win a share of the National Championship with Colorado. The only blemish on Tech's record was a 13-13 tie at the hands of Mack Brown's North Carolina Tar Heels. Incidentally, it was the last time one of his team's showed up for a game against a highly ranked opponent before last season.

1998: My NFL entry. I've been a Falcons fan since I knew what football was. The only two players I knew when I was a toddler were Terry Bradshaw and Steve Barsss-kowski (Bartkowski in kidspeak). So, it stands to reason that the Falcons only trip to the Super Bowl is in here. The 1998 NFC Championship Game doesn't get the credit it deserves as being one of the best ever. The 14-2 Falcons upsetting the media darling 15-1 Vikings. I got to watch the game with my entire family, and I will never forget that feeling when I realized Jamal Anderson tore his ACL next year. Of course, Eugene Robinson celebrated in a much different way than I would have, and the Dirty Birds went meekly to John Elway and his Broncos in Super Bowl XXXIII.

Both these seasons occupy a space on my Hot-Button List. That's the list my friends know they can go to if they want to see Angry Eric. The reasons being - there is no way a 10-1-1 Colorado team (including their infamous 5-Down victory over Missouri, and another Ref-Aided win over Notre Dame in the Orange Bowl) deserved any part of the National Title. Because of the asinine system that did (and still does) exist in Division I-A, the two best teams in the country couldn't settle it on the field that year. In that same year, 12-year-old Eric becomes a proponent of College Football Playoffs. The Falcons season is there because folks like to claim they were a fluke. Not true...the truth is they didn't provide for the likelihood of Jamal Anderson getting injured. Dan Reeves made the same mistake a few years later with Appalachian State wins the I-AA National Title. That's right, I-AA. I would guess that this might be one of the few blogs that has ever covered both professional soccer and I-AA football in the same year

I'm sure you're loading up your tired small college jokes for the comments section, and that's fine. I'm guessing you probably root for a school that you didn't even graduate from, or an Alma Mater that provides you with some sporting metaphor of acceptance because you can sit in a stadium with 70k + on a Saturday and all pull for the same team.

Okay, maybe this goes on the Hot Button list, too. I look at it this way, I'm not going to ever detract from a 2A High School for winning its State Title because they aren't 5A. They were presented with a similar set of perameters, and provided competition with schools under those same qualifications, and proved to be the best. That's something to be proud of. Add to that, it's the school that provided me with my degree, and there you have it.

Back to my original point, it was a fun ride. Thers is no substitute for playoff football. Former I-A Head Coach Bill Curry said as much while covering the Appalachian State-Furman Semi-Final last year. The fact that the teams know that they are done if they lose exponentially increases the intensity of said match-up. You can argue that a 1 loss team in I-A might behave in similar fashion because, as the BS line goes "The whole season counts." The lack of immediacy, and the I-A Pacifier (i.e. a Bowl Game, of which there are 34) often seems to mitigate that effect.

I hate it, too...it's the biggest problem I have with College Football. Maybe it's the fact that I was weened on the NFL, or maybe it's just the fact that I am not functionally retarded, but Bowls generally suck. In this way, I guess I look at the College Game as that girl I love, but who I know will never change their foolish ways. Still, I keep coming back, hoping they will finally see the error of their ways.

Ah well, here's to another fun season.

But I Ain't One To Gossip...

2006-08-10T12:28:00.000-04:00

Following up on Monday's Ode to Spanky (note the Braves' destruction yesterday with him out of the lineup), I have to give some credit to the ladies at On The DL.

As a blogger, you get inspiration from all manner of resources; whether it be discussions with your buddies, TV shows, or other blogs. Well, my whole McCann as Wingman analogy evolved, in large part, from this picture (that once appeared) on their blog:

Let the man with no sin cast the first stone.

Yep, that's our hero...WingMcCann. As I described it to one of the ladies at On The DL - he's the well meaning, kind of chubby dude, who...while not a lady killer like his buddy Jeff...still deserves to be loved. I'm sure some of us can relate.

I pointed out, though, that this picture made me more of a McCann fan because it humanized him. Who, at 22, didn't have a picture like this of themselves or a good buddy?

The site is full of similar themed photos and plenty of juicy gossip, flowing in from all across MLB Nation. You get to see that baseball players are really just like us...with millions of dollars, weird sex fetishes, the ability to meet women just because they are athletes, and free shoes.

Well, they like to drink like us, at least.

It's now a denizen of my "Other Window" links, and my fantasies - that all the ladies writing said blog are devastatingly gorgeous, and way out of my league. But maybe...just maybe...someday...

They'll ask to be introduced to my more attractive friend.

(Sigh) A guy can dream, can't he?

Update: They linked me! They really linked me!!

Mighty WingM(cc)an(n)

2006-08-08T16:46:00.000-04:00

I decided earlier this year, that if the Atlanta Braves were the Singles scene, Brian "Spanky" McCann would be the Wingman to Chick Magnet, Jeff "Frenchy" Francoeur.

Some folks may see that as an insult, but not me. In the Young Man's World, there isn't a guy more revered than the Wingman. He rarely gets noticed by casual observers, but is devastatingly effective in ensuring the success of the mission. Even if it means taking a lesser wom...er...role. He brings the Most Valuable to The Player, if you will. In this Wingman's case, he probably IS the Braves MVP.

After yet another 2-3 night on Tuesday, Spanky is living up to his Masher-imposed nickname by hitting a cool .352 for the season. If not for an extended injury layoff back in May and June, he would be over 10 points ahead of his nearest competitor for the NL Batting Title. On top of that, he would present us with an unprecedented possibility - pure Catchers sweeping the 2006 National and American League Batting Crowns (joining Joe Mauer of the Twins). Only two true catchers have ever won a batting title, incidentally, the last being Ernie Lombardi of the 1942 Boston Braves. Of course, we can't forget Reds great Bubbles Hargrave winning in 1926 can we?! You bet we can.

Thanks, however, to McCann's aforementioned ankle injury (which I discussed when it occurred); McCann may not get that chance.

For the uninitiated, to qualify for a Batting Title, you have to average at least 3.1 plate appearances a, or 502 over a 162 game schedule. McCann currently sits at 2.9 (318 total), and thus needs to average a very un-catcher-playing-for-Bobby Cox-like 3.6 PA's a game over the last 51 games of this season. Sadly, the only way he may be able to get there is by the Braves falling so far out of the Wild Card race, that Cox throws caution to the wind and lets the kid play every day.

Despite that, you can't discount what he brings to the Braves. While Francoeur gets TV commercials, SI covers, and numerous cheering sections; McCann makes All-Star teams, and chases batting crowns. While Francoeur will someday surely perch atop hitting stats charts, and make All-Star rosters; McCann has already brought those accolades, along with a mature and consistent approach to the Braves locker room - one that is rarely seen in players his age. All of this, while his roommate essentially gives him the baseball version of a cock block.

Nonetheless, like a good Wingman should, he'll quietly and effectively do his job. Whether it's catching the latest journeyman they bring up to fill in for yet another injured starter, or resisting the urge to secretly re-inflict Chris Reitsma with ulnar neuritis, he'll take one for the team - so his buddy can live the dream. Wingmaaaaaayyaaaaannnn...

Editor's Note: Supposedly, there's a rule out there that would allow Spanky to win the batting title, even if he doesn't meet the minimum number of PA's. It essentially states that they count the remaining appearances to 502 as outs, and if he still has a higher batting average than the league leader, he would win the batting title. If anyone can confirm that this is actually the rule, let me know. Either way, there would have to be a massive gap between he and the leader for this to come into play.

Put Up or Shut Up

2006-07-24T14:35:00.000-04:00

Do you ever watch a Game Show, and think that you are exponentially better than the contestants currently in the studio? This happens to me alot, and even happened again this weekend while watching Norm MacDonald, doing Burt Reynolds, insisted on being called Turd Ferguson on SNL's send-up of Celebrity Jeopardy!, then how much of a Pop Culture aficianado are you really?

Well, time for speculation on my Game Show worthiness is quickly drawing to a close. This week, I am flying to New York City to be a contestant on the ESPN Show, Stump The Schwab. If you haven't seen it, the show pits 3 contestants against ESPN's long-time Head Researcher, Howie Schwab. I enjoy watching the show, and have often felt I would do well on it. I've at least been proved partially correct by passing the audition.

No pressure, of course. After all, I haven't named my blog after a trivia game or anything. Depending on what transpires up there, I may have to start calling this place Chutes and Ladders. Let's hope I can keep the name I currently have.

The amount of information I have tried to take in over the last few weeks has been staggering. I think if I had studied this hard in college, I might actually have a job where I don't have time to write in my blog during the middle of work. Nonetheless, this is finally an opportunity to put to use all those years of seasoning on my high school's Quiz Bowl Team, and all those nights out at bars coming up with clever team names like "Cynthia McKinney, Ultimate Fighting Champion", while furiously scribbling answers on little notepads - all for the glory of free burritos/beer/pizza/Hooters wings.

Since this is only a taping, I'll keep you in suspense until the show actually airs. My plan is to do what I guess you could call a "tape-delayed blog" later on.

It won't be easy, though. To put it lightly, The Schwab knows his stuff. How well does he know it? Well, I decided to e-mail Jeopardy! Legend Ken Jennings to see if he had any advice, this is what he wrote:

I wish I could be more help, but man, the Schwab is pretty good. I'm no
sports trivia expert, so I couldn't begin to tell you what the right
books are to study, but when I watch that show, I'm pretty impressed
with that guy. Good luck.

-Ken

Well, at least I can endeavor to lay waste to my fellow contestants, before being humbled by a bigger bastion of useless information than I. As long as my Game Show experience doesn't turn out like this, I think I'll be okay.

Chasing McGraw

2006-07-17T18:12:00.000-04:00

They said no one could ever touch it. They didn't plan on Bobby Cox. As the Atlanta Braves engage in a pivotal series with The St. Louis Cardinals, Bobby Cox stands on the cusp of greatness. After getting the heave-ho against the Padres on Sunday, he is only 8 ejections away from tieing the venerable John McGraw for the highest number of said exits in Major League history.

Surely, it is an achievement to be marvelled. The ability to incite the infallible, reasoned men who act as baseball's on-field arbiters is nothing short of art. To do it over 120 times is something few can hope to accomplish in their lifetimes.

Sadly, though, some feel Cox's pursuit of McGraw's ghost is tainted by the modern game. Witness, if you will, the thoughts of one of my fellow Braves fans...relayed via e-mail this afternoon:

It's just not the same as in the old days. I mean, nowadays there's all that watered down umping going on. Plus, with all the vitamins and extra fiber that old people are getting...I saw a picture of Bobby from his rookie year, and he looks nothing like it. I mean he didn't fill out that Yankees uniform at all, but he looks huge in the Braves one. Can we say juicing?

- G. Mac

I really want to disagree, I want to scream that I am not looking at the world through Braves colored glasses. The damning evidence, though, is plain when presented in photographs:

Bobby Cox with the Yankees, circa 1967

Here, we see the young, spry Cox as he starts off his Major League journey. Free of Ejections, and yet unknowingly poised to make his mark on the record books.

Now, we take a look at the man who is primed to be tossed more times than Tom Cruise in Key West:

Bobby Cox Today

Based on the visual evidence, it's certainly a compelling argument. One that Bob Ley is sure to address on Outside The Lines in the near future.

As for me, I'm taking Bobby's side. We've become so cynical as baseball fans, that we refuse to believe that a manager can get the gate solely on dogged determination, and a single-minded focus on his craft. After all, this is a man Ozzie Guillen lists as a major influence in his managerial career.

He has never tested positive for these alleged "performance enhancers", and has there is nothing tangible to prove he would test otherwise. For now I say, don't let the naysayers get you down, Bobby - go get your record! This fan just hopes he's able to break it at home.

In Defense of Billy Knight

2006-06-29T15:16:00.000-04:00

I need to take a quick break from dousing myself in World Cup hysteria to engage in a pet cause of mine - maligned Atlanta Hawks' GM Billy Knight.

Eschewing all clever puns - I need to get down to business here. I know years of mediocrity, followed by years of losing, has caused many a slumbering Atlanta Hawks fans to froth at the mouth, and apparently fancy themselves the Basketball Schuerholz.

You see, they all claim they would have drafted Chris Paul, even though most NBA experts tabbed Marvin Williams was the 2nd best player in the draft. They also would have held on to Boris Diaw (ignoring the fact that he's presently the product of playing on a supremely talented team) scuttleing the trade for the only legit NBA star on the Hawks 2006 roster. Remember - winning Slam Dunk competitions doesn't make you a star, right Kenny Walker?

After reading the morning-after analysis of the Hawks' draft in the comments section Sekou Smith's blog on AJC.com this morning, I'm convinced Hawks fans would give your average Ole Miss fan a run for their money in the I.Q. department.

Sekou does a great job covering the Hawks, there is no doubt about that, but the folks who choose to comment on his on-line blog have clearly spent too much time buying crack around Philips Arena, and less time actually watching the basketball team that calls it home.

In case you didn't know, the Hawks are apparently only a rookie-Point-Guard-in-a-decidedly-weak-draft away from making the NBA playoffs, and Shelden Williams is the same player as the Joshes and Marvin.

Mind you, The Landlord probably outweighs Marvin and Childress combined, is built like an NFL Tight End, and relishes his role playing post defense. That is somehwere the Hawks were constantly outmanned all of last year, and one of the biggest reasons they were 20th in the leaugue in rebounding, and 26th in team defense. Of course, most of these Fire Billy zealots don't even have enough synapses pulsing to realize that those 3 current Hawks are more suited for the 2-3 positions, while Shelden fits snugly in the Power Forward role. In this era of few true NBA centers, his large frame also should allow him to be the 5 during certain periods of play. Considering the lack of depth behind Zaza, this is something that cannot be discounted.

Don't let that stop the hate, though. These "fans" are all convinced that Randy Foye and Brandon Roy were all we needed in Atlanta, because ESPN's Insiders (never known for overstating things) called Foye the player in the draft "most like Dwayne Wade". Yeah, well I'm the guy on my Trivia team most like Ken Jennings, but don't expect me to rule Jeopardy(!) anytime soon.

To pile on - the AJC's Mark Bradley, who has developed an increasing propesnity to annoy me, criticized the Hawks in his column today. His complaint? The Hawks didn't listen to the fans who wanted to draft Dee Brown with their 2nd Round pick. I didn't think someone could one-up the feeble thoughts of the commenters, but here's someone who thinks those same vacuous souls should have a hand in populating the roster. It's bad enough to have the national media constantly taking their tired, cliched, pot-shots at the Hawks leadership, but to have the local media be so equally clueless is infuriating.

Now, more than ever, I want the Hawks to do well. I've gone on record as being excited about where this team is going. With all these insufferable morons wasting the local bandwidth with their fool-proof solutions on how to fix the team, I really want Knight to be able to shove it back in their face come April of 2007. The best thing about him, though, is that I know he won't.

T.W.I.S. #2 - Nuts and bolts...nuts and bolts...

2006-06-23T13:17:00.000-04:00

As the US Soccer Attacks clock on my sidebar appropriately sits at 00:00:00:00, I'm realizing my biggest fear from last week's initial T.W.I.S., and that's having to eulogize the 2006 US World Cup squad. After doing what a proper soccer fan would - smashing in a few store fronts, over-turning and igniting cars, and clashing with riot police - I'm now ready to focus my rage into a blog.

The final nail in the Good Ship Tread Upon's coffin was, of course, shoddy officiating. Believe it or not, I can't quibble too much with Jorge Larrionda, the official from the Italy match. His red card on Pablo Mastroeni was not as rash as some may think. I've watched enough international matches to know that lunging into an opposing player with the bottom of both your cleats exposed can, and will, lead to a red card. It was not a wise play by Mastroeni.

It's also probably not one he makes if he is exposed to pressure cooker situations more often, as opposed to playing in front of lukewarm support at cavernous Invesco Field every other week. The Eddie Pope sending off was also not as dubious either since Pope was aware of the fact that he already had one yellow card, and thus should not attempt to tackle anyone from behind. He did not appear up to snuff at this World Cup anyway, so the wisest decision would have likely been for Bruce Arena to take him off at the half for Jimmy Conrad...who played much better than Pope in his 1 1/2 matches. He also keeps an amusing journal on Soccernet, which I linked to him.

Ironically, my biggest issues are with the decisions of the 2-time FIFA World Referee of the Year, Marcus Merk, who essentially gift wrapped both Ghanaian goals in the US' swan song. While Haminu Draman's disposessing of Claudio Reyna in the brief lead-up to his opening goal may not have been a foul in other games, it was by the standards Merk had applied earlier in the match - and would later. Those same hyper-sensitive standards (which were absent in Draman's reverse dead-legging of Reyna) conveniently reappeared when Razak Pimpong took a dive in the American penalty box - leading to the subsequent, damning, Ghana penalty kick. The only way Merk could have enraged me more, is if he adopted this style of officiating:

Okay, that actually might have made it easier to take, because that's pretty damn funny. Obviously, being down 2 questionable goals to your 1 legitimate tally, is a hard pill to swallow. That alone, however, cannot be blamed for this forgettable 3 game stretch.

In my preview, I predicted the US would find a way out of this group before capitulating to Brazil. I can't say I really believed that. Ever the optimist, though, I had to say it in hopes that it would come true. In all honesty, I never really felt that good about this team. There were just too many holes, and the promising players from '02 who should have been much better by now, really weren't. I'm speaking primarily of Landon Donovan and DaMarcus Beasley. While Beasley initially appeared to have benefitted greatly from his move to PSV Eindhoven, he seemed to regress this year under the weight of heightened expectations.

As for Donovan - this may be picking at low hanging fruit - It's so frustrating to watch someone who could potentially be a star in a World Class league be perfectly content to be the big fish in the small pond that is Major League Soccer. He claims to want what is best for soccer in America. I he really meant that, he would sack-up and head to Europe for 4-6 years. The fact that casual fans only quadrenially pay attention to soccer in this country seems lost on him. No amount of winning MLS Cups, or scoring goals domestically, will cause Joe Six Pack to take notice. Helping your team to the World Cup Semi-finals, or beyond, will. There are dozens of teams in Europe's top leagues who could use his services. Time for him to find one.

As for Bruce Arena - I think this should be the last time we see him on the sideline for US Soccer, barring resurfacing after a successful stint in Europe. While he's definitely been valuable in this period of US Soccer, he was a little out of his depth in this World Cup. Despite all the rosy memories of '02, we still were a goal post away from suffering this same fate after failing to show up against Poland. What this team now needs is a proven winner on the international level. Someone who can mesh our propensity to be unselfish, entirely to a fault, with some attacking juice. Who that man is remains a question mark. I'm guessing he'll come from Northern Europe (but not Sweden), and is currently preparing for his next match in Germany.

As was our format from last week (By the way, ESPN still sucks at broadcasting soccer), some individual plaudits from the last 7 Days:

Best Managerial Moves: Spain's Luis Aragones, while unhappy with his team's performance against Saudi Arabia, effectively turned a tenuous game against Tunisia on it's ear by inserting Raul, Cesc Fabregas, and Joaquin very early in the 2nd Half (something Arena could learn to do). 3 goals later, Spain was on their way to the 2nd round.

Interestingly, as it stands right now, they could possibly face South Korea. I'm sure the Spanish would relish the opportunity to avenge their 2002 ouster, which came thanks to the requisite shady World Cup officiating.

Best Forward: It's a tough pick, but we'll go with the current tournament leader, Germany's Miroslav Klose. He seems to score in 2's notching a pair against Costa Rica, and again in Der Nationalen Mannschaft victory over Ecuador. Nonetheless, he seems to show up for Group play, scoring all 5 of his '02 goals in this stage. For Germany to advance into the latter stages of this Cup, he'll need to finally get some braces in the Knock-out Stage.

Best Midfielder:: He's here, he's there, he's every f$#*in' where, Joey Cole!! Joey Cole!!. He seemed destined to waste away on Chelsea's bench behind all the high-priced talent pouring in. Now, he seems indespensable to Club and Country. His opening cracker against Sweden, and his deft chip - leading to Steven Gerrard's goal - propelled England to the top of their group...even if they still can't beat the Swedes.

Best Defender: Okay, my last chance to be a homer in this World Cup. I'm going to be lazy and give it to Oguchi Onyewu. Despite a rough start against the Czechs, Gooch played out of his mind against Italy. He neutralized the scoring machine that is Luca Toni (he was eventually subbed out), and played very well against Ghana, even though he'll most be remembered for being the victim of Marcus Merk's sense of self-importance. If he had another center back of comparable quality back there with him from the beginning, this could have been a very different trip for the Americans.

Forgot to do this one last week, Best Keeper: Gianluigi Buffon - while dealing with his name being soiled in the Italian media, came through with a strong effort against the Czechs. He held off a rasping strike from club teammate Pavel Nedved, and several other Czech attacks, before his fellow Azzuris finally got on the board and clinched their advancement. I give it to him not only for his solid play, but for doing so on a day he could have potentially been indicted in the Italian soccer scandal. It turned out to be a doubly great day for him, as he was spared that ignominy.

By the way, I had meant to give this award last week to Trinidad and Tobago's Shaka Hislop for his stunning display against Sweden. I am sure he was fuming after my snub.

That's all for now, stay tuned for next week's Yank-free addition of ThisssWeeek Innn Soccer!

This Week In Soccer

2006-06-16T10:09:00.000-04:00

Oh, if only I had a little claymation Mel Allen to narrate this post, and some TWIS Notes. Mmmm...TWIS Notes.

I couldn't find a picture of ClayMel, so I figured I'd use one of my second favorite component of the World Cup.

As I write this, Argentina is laying waste to Serbia & Montenegro...at the same time!
Sorry, I had to. This is their last World Cup, and they are about to be mathematically eliminated.

The S&M Boys were considered to have one of the best defenses in Europe. Argentina being able to hang 3 on them in the first half (edit: ouch, and 3 more in the 2nd) seems to indicate that we'll see a bloated Maradona rooting on the Albicelestes deep into this tournament.

So, we've reached the end of the first week of the World Cup. Ecuador (of all teams) became the first to advance to the 2nd Round, with half of their team playing professionally for the global juggernaut that is LDU Quito. How 'bout that?!

Because when you think massive soccer clubs, you think Manchester United, Real Madrid, and...okay, not LDU Quito.

Speaking of LD, you quit-o...

Landon Donovan and the US didn't really show up for their first game, in case you haven't heard. I self-imposed a moratorium on blogging about their 3-0 shallacking at the hands of the Czechs, because I didn't really feel the need to pile on a team that had just been kicked off the Hype Train. It also gave other bloggers to beat me to the "trod upon" punchline. Curses!

Certainly, I was disappointed. But, as I said in my Preview, I really do feel that this is the team before "The Team". I hope they can prove me wrong tomorrow by pulling off an upset of Italy.

As for the World Cup in general - three things have become apparent to me in this first week:

A) ESPN does not know how to broadcast soccer - From weak broadcast crews, to overly busy graphics, they make it a painful experience. Soccer is a game where the whole field is important, yet they insist on a long black strip of a scoreboard up top, and the Bottom Line down low. This eliminates a good bit of the viewing area on the wings, where a fair amount of action occurs.

On top of that, they love throwing out these huge "fact boxes" that block off another 25% of the screen, usually while someone is dribbling towards goal. They also seem to enjoy treating all us viewers like we're morons-constantly explaining Yellow Cards and Red Cards...and using their beloved scoreboard to remind you that you're watching the FIFA World Cup, and it's, in fact, live.

I really wish Fox would pick up the rights to this thing.

B) Brazil = Beatable - After watching their less than inspired performance against a solid Croatian team, I just don't see it. I don't see the invincibility. Granted, they have 3 or 4 phenoms on the field, but they also have chinks in their armor. For one, they have 2 outside backs in the latter stages of their career in Cafu and Roberto Carlos. They also have Dida in goal, and their manager, Carlos Alberto Parreira seems willing to wait out Ronaldo's corpulency, which was in full display the other night. You couldn't miss him...he was the guy standing still, about 30 yards from the Croat Goal.

C)Eric's DVR Is Dragging Down World Cup Scores: I've recorded 2 games that I avoided knowing anything about while at work. Croatia-Brazil and Poland-Germany. Both have ended 1-0. Following bad logic, I need to call in sick to work for the next 3 weeks, or this will be one boring World Cup.

And now, my first set of superlatives for Week 1 of La Copa Mundial:

Best Managerial Moves: Guus Hiddink - 2 subs, Tim Cahill and John Aloisi, scored all 3 goals for the Aussies in their comeback over Japan. Of course, you could also say it was a bad move if you were wondering why both guys weren't starting in the first place. But, I digress.

Best Forward: Paulo Wanchope, Costa Rica - despite playing for a crap team, Wanchope notched two lovely goals against host Germany. While he is 30 (old for a striker), I have to think some team would be interested in luring him back to England. He can still put it in the net.

Best Midfielder: Thomas, Don't Call Me Ro-sick-ee, Rosicky, Czech Republic - It's pronounced, Ro-sitz-kee, ESPN announcers. Nothing I hate more than people not doing their research. It's not like the guys and unknown. I hate to give a nod to the man who helped dismantle my team, but what a game. The only thing I fault him for is giving Julie Foudy the chance to make the statement "Ro-sick-ee is sick-ee". Clever...clever...

Best Defender: Lots of options, with all the clean sheets being posted on the scoreboard. I'm going to go with a defender who came through in the clutch, Tunisia's Radhi Jaidi(Big #15 in the photo below).

The hulking defender scored on a last gasp header to pull the Carthage Eagles (love those African team nicknames) level with Saudi Arabia in the dying moments of the most unexpectedly exciting match of the tourney. Granted, his backline did surrender 2 goals, but why quibble with details?

And a special award, I'll dub the Bill Snyder Trophy. No college football coach got more mileage out of transfers than Snyder at Kansas State. Apparently, Germany was inspired by this. After starting a pair of Polish born strikers in Lukas Podolski and Miroslav Klose, the Germans were pushed to victory over said Poles by Swiss born super-sub, Oliver Neuville slotting one home in the 90th minute. Let's not forget they also had Ghanaian born Gerald Asamoah on the bench. Geez...and Eurosnobs give the U.S. crap for Freddy Adu.

That's it for this week. Hopefully I won't be eulogizing the U.S. in my next edition. Thanks for reading Thisssweek...Innn Soccer.

Steven Seagal Will Kick, And Then Rock, Your Ass

2006-06-09T14:55:00.000-04:00

I was dining at the local Pita shack ("the", as in probably the only one in Atlanta), when my friend looks up, and queries, "Is That Steven Seagal?"

Hoping to see the Jewish Bruce Lee making his way down Ponce, I turn around, and see this picture:

Holy Shonen Knife! Is this for real?! Yes, yes, it is. I give you Steven Seagal and Thunderbox.

Apparently, He of The Clever 3 Word Action Movie Titles fancies himself quite the axe wielder. Reading Variety Playhouse's bio of the show yields some entertaining lines like "Watch those hands - they are capable of many surprises." And How!

If you are looking for some entertaining reading material, check out his entire Wikipedia entry. He may be one of the oddest people in Hollywood, and that's hard to do.

The thing that blows my mind is that they are actually charghing $20 for this concert, all while keeping a straight face. I am not saying I wouldn't pay money to see Steven Seagal front a band with a name that sounds like it could be the title of a Native American porno, but not $20. Maybe $10, but not if there's a service charge.

I know what you're thinking - "Eric, where can I, the reader, see this man with magic hands?"

Well, here's his tour (yes, I said a whole tour) schedule:

Sat 06/10/06 Mission, TX Pepe's On The River

Sun 06/11/06 New Orleans, LA House Of Blues

Wed 06/14/06 Memphis, TN New Daisy Theatre

Thu 06/15/06 Nashville, TN Exit / In

Fri 06/16/06 Mount Pleasant, MI Soaring Eagle Casino

Sat 06/17/06 Belleville, ON Empire Theatre

Sun 06/18/06 Chicago, IL House Of Blues

Tue 06/20/06 Pittsburgh, PA Rex Theatre

Wed 06/21/06 Cleveland, OH House Of Blues

Thu 06/22/06 Hagerstown, MD Maryland Theatre

Fri 06/23/06 Atlantic City, NJ House Of Blues

Sat 06/24/06 New York, NY TBA

Sun 06/25/06 New York, NY B.B. King's Blues Club

Tue 06/27/06 Alexandria, VA The Birchmere

Get your tickets while they last!

Thanks to Pollstar for the dates. I felt so wrong typing Steven Seagal into your search box, which usually provides such bountiful and enriching information. Please, forgive me.

If I May, A Political Statement...

2006-06-08T19:01:00.000-04:00

You Got...

Owned!!!!

Excuse my juvenility. I hate to celebrate death, but his will save more lives than it will cost.

I don't necessarily know why stuff like this should affect the price of oil, but it did.

Dead terrorists, cheap(er) gas, World Cup starting tomorrow...and I didn't even have to use my AK.

I'll get to a darker subject tomorrow...Steven Seagal as a rock star. Stay tuned.

Rampant Speculation - My World Cup Preview

2006-06-01T17:37:00.000-04:00

First, my random thought for the day:

If your car is having battery trouble, it seems the last thing you would want is an extra light coming on, just to indicate this problem. I know, you should be notified, but there has to be a less power draining way.

Yes...my car had said troubles.

On to my preview. I swear, this is my last soccer blog for a few weeks. I know you are dying to be regaled with tails of cats ex and iced-coffee as it relates to life, so I must put my World Cup Fever on hold until the U.S. begins play on June 12th.

Before I do that, though, I must subject you to my hastily researched, partially unfounded, World Cup predictions. That way, if any of them come true, I can edit these last two sentences off my blog, and say "I told you so".

We'll begin with my biggest concern, my beloved Americans. They managed to stave off Fret Level Red with a couple of victories before heading to Germany. I'm still concerned that neither of them were as convincing as their thrashings of Uruguay and Jamaica in the run-up to '02, or really even their loss to The Netherlands in that same series.

Nonetheless, a few of the young guys showed their wares, and seem to have offered Bruce Arena a few options to throw at our opponents in Group E. Eddie Johnson looked dangerous once again (even though he's still waiting for his next goal in the US uni), Bobby Convey showed why he was regarded as one of Reading's best players this year, and John O'Brien appears to be rounding back into form. These are all things that will make Bruce's selections difficult, and exciting at the same time.

Here's my thought on this edition of the U.S. team. It's the calm before the storm. That is, this is the team before "The Team". The '06 edition may find it hard to make it out of their difficult group, and even then will surely be sent home by Brazil in the 2nd Round. The 2010 Nats, however, appear poised to not only earn a seed in this quadrennial event, but make a fair amount of noise. The number of Americans being placed in crucial roles on their European clubs is rising every year, and that could make the '10 edition very young, and very exciting.

As for the aforementioned "Group of Death". I expect Italy to win this group. Conventional wisdom has The Czech Republic advancing. I'm not so sure about that. The Czechs have the unfortunate task of being the new "it" team for this World Cup, and that often comes with added pressure, and a pinch of haughtiness. The last two times the U.S. faced this team, it played under the names Colombia and Portugal. Neither responded very well to their new found adoration, and failed to qualify for the 2nd Round. Based on Arena's experience, and the weight of expectations, I believe the US will progress as the #2 team out of this group, before making an almost guaranteed exit against Brazil.

Even if they are knocked out in Group E play, I don't expect them to lose to both Italy and the Czechs. There is enough talent there to steal at least a tie from one of these sides.
Ghana, of course, is the real wild card in this group. My biggest hope is that even if we don't advance, that American fans are smart enough to realize how harshly the odds are stacked against us...and how kind FIFA was to our neighbors, Mexico.

My overriding thought on this Cup is that Brazil won't win. They are certainly good enough to be the first non-European team in a half-century to win a Euro-based World Cup (when they became the only team to do so), but the sheer effort it would take to win their 3rd trophy in 4 tries is daunting.

As for the rest of the Cup - In a nutshell, I see it going something like this:

Group A - Winner: Germany (Mmmm...Land of Chocolate)
Runner-Up: Poland (Isn't that always the way?)
Dark Horse: Ecuador

Group B - Winner: England (Inability to dance a proper Robot aside.)
Runner-Up: Paraguay (Will still be confused for Uruguay)
Dark Horse: Actually, Paraguay

Group C - Winner: Netherlands
Runner-Up: Argentina
Dark Horse: Cote d'Ivoire (That's Ivory Coast to you soap enthusiasts)

Group D - Winner: Portugal
Runner-Up: Mexico
Dark Horse: Iran (The only team in the Cup I'll root for Mexico against)

Group E - See Above

Group F - Winner: Brazil (Duh)
Runner-Up: Japan (All thanks to Arnold's energy drink.)
Dark Horse: Anyone other than Brazil, really. Japan, Australia, or
Croatia could all finish 2nd here.

Group G - Winner: France (Henry comes up big, Zizou goes out in style)
Runner-Up: Switzerland (But they'll regret being so agressive)
Dark Horse: Switzerland, most have S. Korea making it out over The Swiss

Group H - Winner: Tunisia (My one crazy pick, and the requisite "Surprise Group Winner")
Runner-Up: Spain (Will consider firing coach in mid-tournament)
Dark Horse: Ukraine

Semi-Finalists: Netherlands, *Surprise Team, Portugal, Brazil
Finals: Netherlands vs. Portugal
Winners: Netherlands
3rd Place: Surprise Team over a disinterested Brazilian squad.

*In the last 3 World Cups, there's been at least one surprise Semi-Finalist. They always seem to come from Eastern Europe as well. While I feel good about my Final Four, I wouldn't be surprised if a team like Ukraine, Croatia, or Serbia & Montenegro crashed the party.

There you have it. My semi-baseless take on the World Cup. I'll be sure to act like a smug prognosticator, whether I'm right or wrong. That's what we pundits do.

Poised Over The Panic Button

2006-05-24T13:21:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to do it. I am not going to freak out about the U.S.' 1-0 loss to Morocco last night (on home soil, mind you). I am going to breathe, and remind myself that this game is the equivalent of a preseason game. Great preseason's rarely equal subsequent success. Right, Falcons Fans?

I am concerned, of course, that our team captain may face an extended injury lay off leading into the World Cup, and our only established right fullback committed a gaffe (leading up to the lone goal) that had even a soccer novice, like myself, pulling what few hairs he has left out.

That being said, I trust Bruce. I have to think he is seeing the same things we are...that the team is better attacking with Convey on the field, that we need someone up top with McBride, and that Wolff is about as threatening as The Teletubbies - Bruce has to give Eddie Johnson a full game with McBride here in the next week.

Also, I have to remember that Morocco was one game away from qualifying for this World Cup, in what turned out to be a very strong African cycle. This was not a cupcake...or whatever the analogous pastry is at the Imperial Fez.

A disclaimer here...the US National Team is one of the only teams I refer to as "we". I work to avoid it when referring to professional outfits like the Hawks, Braves, Falcons, etc. The only other exception is any team related to Appalachian State. I feel like I can be an unabashed homer when it comes to my country, or my alma mater. For some reason, using "we" when talking about pro teams almost seems to be approaching restraining order territory.

The other sports item of interest to this blogger was last night's NBA Draft Lottery, where the Hawks were awarded the 5th pick in June's draft. The Raptors, the other team soiled by someone named Babcock, will pick 1st. It appears the Hawks are the only team in the league capable of being abjectly terrible for an extended period of time, and still not be awarded the #1 pick. No worries this time, though, as the draft has no true #1, and is deep enough to get a player at #5 that has as much potential as the #1 selection.

Of course, they always seem to get shuffled to just the right spot to prevent them from drafting a true impact player. Whether being 2nd last year, and almost browbeaten into taking Marvin Williams, or being 21st in 2003 - having to take Boris Diaw - when a 5th pick would have netted Dwayne Wade.

Speaking of Diaw, I really wish the national media would get off the "The Suns got a steal in Diaw" bandwagon. I'm sure it's real hard to find open shots, box out for rebounds, dish out assists, and generally be ignored by opposing defenses when you are playing with Shawn Marion and Steve Nash.

He was useless to the Hawks because he serves his purpose only when surrounded by supreme talent, of which Atlanta had none in his time here. Put Diaw on the Knicks, and he's right back to Anonymous European Guy. I would trade him and draft picks for Joe Johnson again on any day of the week. The Hawks need a superstar, and they acquired a budding one when they picked up Johnson. People seem to forget that the Hawks, in fact, picked up one of only 5 players to average 20 points and 6 assists a game this season. Read the list, it's pretty impressive company. Overall, his numbers were better than Diaw's, but let's not let facts get in the way of an easy media target.

Housed

2006-05-22T14:04:00.000-04:00

I've probably only caught Fox's hit med-drama House about a half a dozen times, but it has already succeeded in turning me into pseudo-hypochondriac. It's not that I constantly worry about my health, but the show finds the most abstract ways to place its patients on the brink of certain death, and I can't help but try and translate its sensationalism to the real world.

Week after week, these doctors are forced to deal with mysterious, undiagnosed, diseases...all from people living in the general vicinity of the hospital. Just another reason to stay away from Central New Jersey.

I have no problem suspending disbelief when watching. The only thing that really bothers me about the show is Omar Epps' character. Epps, whom they dragged away from playing athletes in various sports movies, plays Dr. Eric Foreman. The show is on Fox. Seems like they could have done a little research and found out that another relatively successful Fox show has/had a major character of the same name. Is that too much to ask? I guess the Fox Network's Random Name Generator must have reached capacity.

Anyway, while feeling less than 100% healthy over the last 18 hours, I've found myself cataloging random occurrances in my life that could potentially lead to being infected with maladies such as an agressive brain fungus or the bubonic plague (both actual diagnoses on the show). Now, a brief listing from the last few days. Please, pray for my health:

- Walked on rubberized track in sandals...sandal thong becomes detached from insole the next day.
- Used Splenda...thought it tasted like sugar
- Drank energy drink after drinking coffee...felt twitchy
- Ate at Taco Bell...later forced to hold in gas
- Pet a stray cat...cat meowed
- Found bug sitting on thumb...shrieked like a little girl

Of course, this illin' could just be the result of drinking too much and not getting enough sleep this weekend, but I must remain vigilant! That case of scarlet fever could be just one airborne mite away!

While we are on the subject of being less than 100%, I have to apologize to Brian "Spanky" McCann. Frenchy's wing-man has become the latest victim of my Fantasy Baseball curse. After adding him to my team last week, the Braves cherubic catcher promptly went out and got hurt this weekend during a homeplate collision with the Diamondbacks' Eric Byrnes.

I personally take the blame not only for picking him up, but also for saying he was like "Greg Olson, with a better bat"...which preceded him almost replicating Olson's horrific ankle injury, circa 1992. Thankfully, he should be back soon. The guy who hit Olson in '92 was Ken Caminiti. For Eric Byrnes' sake, I'll avoid making any comparisons there. We'll just say he "Erstaded" McCann, and leave it at that.

I just saw this as I was about to post - another reminder how men and animals aren't all that different. Kentucky Derby winner, Barbaro, is facing a fight for his life. Does this stop him from spittin' some game at the mares? Hell no!

I'm With You, Deadspin: The Barcenal Post-Mortem

2006-05-18T13:31:00.000-04:00

I have to start by giving much love to the guys over at Deadspin. Not only is it one of my favorite websites, but my mentioning on their site (in a classic bit of shameless passive-agressive whoring) that I had a blog about Barcelona-Arsenal drove over a hundred new viewers to my blog. Thanks for checking the page out, fellow Deadspinners. I am now their bitch, whether they like it or not.

The problem now, of course, is that someone other than my friends might be reading, so I may have to update this place a little more frequently. Drat.

Now, on to the game. I have to say, it was entertaining. It had many of the things you look for in a classic - redemption (the maligned Sol Campbell nodding home Arsenal's lone goal with a noggin that would make Barry Bonds jealous), controversy (Jens Lehman's sending off), and an unexpected hero (Barca's Juliano Belletti 5-holing Almunia for the decisive strike).

By the way, any non-soccer fans who think all players are either dwarfish waifs, or tall, lean dudes need to take a look at 3/4's of The Gunners backline yesterday. Eboue, Campbell, and Toure look like they could be swapped for Brooking, Hartwell, and Williams and fool many casual NFL fans (Ashley Cole, the 4th member, would naturally be a safety...in charge of covering the Tight End). They were physically, and tactically, massive for Arsenal's valiant effort.

That being said, I think most fans agree that it would have been more entertaining had referee Terje Hauge played advantage on Lehman's sending off. It would have put Barca up 1-0, and allowed us to see these two well-oiled machines going at each other at full strength. Hauge even somewhat regrets the decision. Somewhat.

I can't fault him completely, he had already blown his whistle when Lehman took out Eto'o (I always wanna write E'too), and had no choice to issue the red after that. I certainly can't blame him for Lehman's misguided challenge. After seeing that, I really wonder if Jurgan Klinsmann is rethinking his choice for starting keeper at the World Cup. Only Keeper To Ever Win The Golden Ball, or Only Guy Ever Sent Off In A Champions' League Final? Hmmmm...

The Ultimate Challenge was less than advertised as well. Neither Ronaldinho or Henry found the back of the net. Henry missed (or was stopped by a solid Victor Valdes) three golden chances, and Ronaldinho seemed miscast, and out fo sorts, by not being allowed to direct the attack centrally.
Still, both players had their flashes of brilliance - Henry's exquisite freekick finding Campbell's XXXL cranium for the opening salvo, and Ronaldinho with the pass that played Eto'o through before the Cameroonian was toppled by Lehman's ill-fated lunge. They were certainly factors, but were upstaged by other stories.

What's up with the sour grapes from TH14? I know the officiating was less than stellar, but I can't say it didn't go both ways. When you consider that Hauge took a goal away from Barca with his red card decision, and then bought Eboue's dive to set up Arsenal's lone tally, he essentially presided over a 2 goal swing for the North London side.

After this match, I do get the feeling that Henry will be plying his trade in The Nou Camp next year. Watching them celebrate in front of him, feeling like some of his younger, shakier teammates let him down, and being ignored by Arsene Wenger when pleading for attacking help does not add up to leading the team into Ashburton Grove next fall. Henry, though, still appears to be saying the right things to the Arsenal faithful.

(UPDATE: But What Do I Know?)

If you're looking for another take on the game, the newest member of my blog roll, Braves & Birds, has his review here. He's a Barca fan, by the way.

I know, it's hard to tell.

Hulk Henry vs. The Ultimate Jogador

2006-05-16T13:39:00.000-04:00

I'm a little torn in who to pull for in The UEFA Champions' League Final tomorrow. On the one hand, you have Thierry Henry's Arsenal. Henry is one of my favorite players to watch, plays for the team that is rivals with not only Manchester United, but also Chel$ea (the biggest spenders in English soccer), and plays for a team now known for it's attacking flair. (Also the team featured in Nick Hornby's "Fever Pitch", back when they were known as "boring old Arsenal")

On the other hand, you have Ronaldinho's Barcelona. Ronaldinho is also one of my favorite players to watch, plays for the team that is chief rivals with Real Madrid...who make Chelsea and Man Utd. look like skinflints...and plays for a team known for its attacking flair.

See the problem here?

The only time I think I was this torn (and I'm serious here) was when Hulk Hogan wrestled The Ultimate Warrior in WrestleMania VI.
Both wrestlers were fan favorites, and were at the pinnacles of their respective fame. I ended up pulling for The Warrior because he was the new guard. Little did I know, he would not be around nearly as long as Hogan, thanks to reality TV. UW eventually won, but only held onto the title for about a year.

The match kind of failed to live up to its billing, really, and that's my concern with this match-up tomorrow. One reason is because it's almost too good to be true, and another is because I'll be watching - at least through the magic of DVR. It seems like when I do watch matches, they end up being 1-nil or nil-nil, and decided on PK's. When I don't, or can't, watch, they turn out like this.

In case you're wondering, I'm pulling for Arsenal. I'm more of a fan of the EPL, but am warming up to La Liga now that I can watch it on a regular basis on Gol-TV. That's not the only reason, though. Among other things, Arsenal have never won the Champions League, they are moving out of their historic ground, Highbury, this year, and winning this match could also allow them to keep Henry, who is rumored to be heading (as luck would have it) to Barcelona next year. While the idea of Henry and Ronaldinho united in attack is enough to make a soccer nerd's head explode, I just feel TH14 belongs in the red and white of Arsenal.

Really, though, there are two things I'm hoping for. One is that the outcome of this game, which kicks off at 2:30 EDT, is not revealed to me by some spoiler before I get home to my DVR. Last week, the UEFA Cup Final outcome was ruined by, of all things, the sports section on my personalized Google Homepage. Who knew?

My other hope? That these two magicians play like anything close to this tomorrow:

Of course, just not as blurry, and without the bad cable access graphics...

Girl Drink Drunk

2006-05-12T15:53:00.000-04:00

As I was walking back to work today, heavily creamed and sugared Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee in hand, I began to wonder if I was the coffee equivalent of a "Girl Drink Drunk".

Maybe it's just in the male world, but you can get alot of crap from the guys that either a)only put sugar in their coffee, or b) drink it black. Here I am, not only putting cream and sugar in it, but also icing it down so I don't huwt the woof of my widdew mouf. Did I mention I also had them put French Vanilla flavoring in it? Geez.

For some reason, one of my favourite Kids In The Hall skits sprang to mind (note I used the "u" in favourite, since they're Canadian). For me, the genesis of the phrase "Girl Drink Drunk":

Okay, hopefully you're still reading, and not just watching that. The phrase was probably used before them, but their skit is what I always think of. It's also one of those references I can use to test just how in tune I am with a potential friend...if they've heard of that skit, or Conan O'Brien as Moleculo on SNL, they score major cool points. Okay, nerd points.

In some ways, this coffee thing is alot like when you first start drinking. You go for the wine coolers, and the Zima with jolly ranchers, but are eventually ridiculed into choking down either MGD or The Beast. It hurts then, of course, but I am a big believer in the idea that if I didn't drink that swill, I wouldn't be the beer snob I am today.

Guys usually won't admit it, but we like the girly drinks too. I remember one time when me and 2 buddies ordered Mudslides, and felt wrong for liking them so much. Really, though, what's not to like? Milkshake? Kahlua? Where do I order? It's embarassing, but it happened. I have yet to develop the cajones to order one solo in a normal bar setting.

For the record, though, I do enjoy a good dirty Gin Martini (on the rocks of course, can't get people whispering by using the martini glass), and I can do Scotch if it's a really good Scotch - none of that Red Label crap.

As you can see, this iced coffee had me thinking for some reason. I began to wonder -maybe this isn't the only thing my coffee says about me. Maybe I really like my coffee like I like my women. Do they need to be as close to white as possible, extra sweet, and a little frigid? That can't be good. Maybe I just haven't had the fortunate experience of drinking some straight-up hot, black coffee yet? Maybe the, uh, coffee...yeah, coffee...doesn't like to add Vanilla flavoring to itself. Who knows? I've also heard hot tea can be good, but you have to make sure it knows you're not a cop.

Then I remembered why I hate Sex and the City so much. While I may write this for a laugh, that show would get an overly ponderous 30 minutes out of this premise. Even worse, some woman would probably mull this drivel over afterwards. What a waste of syndication.

Trivia Update: Since it's the inspiration for my title, I have to let you all know that it was a good week, trivia wise. My Wednesday night crew took 2nd place at Mellow Mushroom, while our Thursday night team notched a dominating victory at Willy's. For the first time in my 9-10 years of bar trivia, I was part of a perfect game. It's quite an impressive feat when 8 people can pool their useless knowledge, and lay waste to feeble minded drunks. You know you're jealous.

Meowntin Time

2006-05-08T17:38:00.000-04:00

It's one of those things you hate to admit to people...almost like admitting you don't have cable. A ubiquitous modern luxury that I don't have. I don't have central A/C. Don't worry, I'm okay - for now. The true Summertime might be a little sweaty, but it's currently the perfect weather for keeping the windows open and enjoying the sounds of the city at night.

That is, except for the particularly vocal cat that seems to hang out in my complex's backyard after dark. It just ocurred to me that this cat is probably not just loud, but also in heat...which makes sense. When I feel that way, I often like to roam the streets, in the middle of the night, screaming at people.

Certainly an odd feeling when you're trying to get to sleep, and you are just hoping some quadriped of similar size would show up and give this cat what it wants. Then I think about having to listen to the sounds of catsex - or worse, interspecies mating. I realize now that my loud wall-unit air conditioner might actually serve a purpose other than making my bedroom 5 degrees cooler.

You'd figure the cat could pick up a sack of catnip, and find a feral Siamese somewhere on Pounce De Lion to take care of everything.

Forgive me...that was such a bad joke, I had to share it with someone.

Editor's Note: I'm looking into this Google AdSense program, and I have to figure out how to move it around in my template...so bear with me while it sits at the top of my screen. I think it would look much more congruous off to the right, don't you?

Gassed

2006-04-26T17:10:00.000-04:00

There is no doubt that your average citizen is tired of paying nearly $3 a gallon for gas, myself included. I think about how much more money I would have if I were paying $1.50 to $2.00 a gallon less to fill the tank of my horrificly fuel-inefficient Chevy Blazer. I also tell myself that if gas prices drop shortly after Bush leaves office, I really won't be able to argue that he's "in bed" with Big Oil...then I try and think up a tired Clinton joke to follow that thought.

I don't think he is, first of all. Even if he was, the oil companies in this country don't control the price of a barrel of oil, they control the price of the end product. Overall consumption, rather, is the primary reason for the rise in oil company profits. The rise in large engine vehicles, like my Blazer (which I'm hoping to get rid of when I pay it off), and the explosion of the Chinese economy have led to this "problem".

If this was all just gouging, ask yourself this - why wouldn't one of the few smaller companies take the initiative to drop the bottom out of their prices, and generate a higher volume of business? The answer is, they can't.

This brings me to the purpose for this post. I've been reading alot lately how the Federal Government should levy a Windfall Tax on "Big Oil", due to its record profits. Some are even arguing that this would somehow lower the price of gas. Personally, I would like to know how causing a company to make less money per unit sold would cause them to lower prices, and not raise them to cover the difference. Lowering prices would only cause the company to make lower profits, likely causing them to shed corporate weight in the form of employees. That, of course, would not be very good for the economy. Combine that with doubting that this would lower prices, and I don't see any way this could possibly help the consumer.

This argument is oddly isolated to the oil industry, because we've enjoyed years of relative easy access to fuel that has now increased in price in almost absurd fashion. Consider this - when perusing the list of America's Most Profitable Companies, you see names like Wal-Mart, Home Depot, and Microsoft alongside those evil oil companies.

Are we to punish them for their excesses, too? Companies like Microsoft, IBM, Cisco, and Intel sell products crucial to most businesses day-to day operations. Those businesses then have to find a way to recoup to cost of those products in their end product or service...and also turn a profit to remain solvent. You could argue that IT companies turning record profits does more to effect our cost of living than gas. Those companies, however, don't have to post an adjustable product price in front of their building everyday.

We need to remember that the market will correct itself, as it always does...without the Federal Government's heavy hand. Auto makers are ramping up efforts to market and sell alternative fuel cars, and we are starting to think twice about buying the next Ford Expedition. It may suck right now, but in the long run, our economy, and environment, will be the better for it.

Ramble On

2006-04-13T13:35:00.000-04:00

You knew it was going to happen eventually. I have nothing specific to blog about.

Now I see why people blog on specific subjects like sports, music, or politics. It's so much easier to have someone give you material to write about. I always kind of wanted to make this more about me, and not about just one aspect of me...thus, the title "A Trivial Pursuit". You know, you have to know more than just sports to win at that game. Although, it certainly helps me.

I could write just about music, but I don't necessarily attend enough concerts, listen to enough new CD's, or have enough knowledge of the industry to make it sound more than the rantings of some Amazon.com denizen.

I could write just about politics, but it's just such a pain in the ass. You have to have 50 citations, stories, and theories to make anything stick with the opposition. To me, politics isn't about that. It's more about what sounds right to you, and works in practice...which we all know is fiscal conservatism, and social moderation. Wait, we don't? Well, I'll make sure to do my footnotes on that stuff later. Maybe that's why I don't like blogging on politics. It reminds me too much of writing a research paper - usually the day before it's due. I just remembered internal documentation,. Yeech.

Of course, I can come off as a serviceable sports writer. But as you all know, I haven't played competitive sports since the 8th Grade, and I wasn't any good even then. The only sport I was ever decent at was soccer, and I quit playing that when I was 9. Maybe I wasn't even good at that, I just thought I was.

I read other sports blogs, too, and they make me feel like I couldn't possibly be as thorough (or as single-mindedly obsessed) as these guys. I'll just leave it to the pros at Deadspin. That's the kind of blog I would want if I were in the sports blog world.

And I wouldn't even dare blog about dating...I've decided I can't figure women out at all. I think women have a much more varying list of what they think is hot than men do. Not just "I like blondes", or "I think Asian women are beautiful", but they seem to have affinities for general male characteristics. I've actually learned that there is a group of women out there (and I guess it isn't a small one, after all) who think bald/ing men are sexy. I have to be thankful for that. The one that really weirded me out though, was when these 2 girls from my church told me they thought Masters champion Phil Mickelson was hot. If you couldn't pick him out of a crowd, here he is:

Note the moobs and the beer belly...which is actually the one feature one of the girls (who's in pretty good shape) said she found very sexy. A beer gut? What the hell am I going to gym for? I am sure it doesn't hurt that he's the 2nd best golfer in the world right now behind Tiger.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about these revelations is the fact that I associate both baldness and beer guts with old men. I can't help but think there is some sort of Electra Complex thing going on here. It would be like guys being all over crows feet and stretchmarks. Again, though, the baldness thing...good for Eric, and Ed Harris.

Who knows? I might be a better blogger if I actually had a computer at my apartment. I spend so much time in front of one at work though, I feel it would just be masochistic to do so right now. So, I must write my blogs in stealthy fashion, hoping not to get busted by my superiors. They already think I'm trying online dating because I have a MySpace page, so I'd rather not give them more ammunition.

One thing writing this blog has done for me is help enhance my love for the website's Wikipedia, and YouTube. I just discovered how to embed videos from the latter on here, so I'll leave you with one of my favorites.

I don't care if you don't like soccer - Thierry Henry is amazing.

Stay tuned for something substantive!

John Rocker, Metrosexual

2006-04-07T13:48:00.000-04:00

Out having a few beers with my co-workers last Friday, I had one of the more random Atlanta celebrity sighting's in recent memory. John Rocker. The only one that tops him is seeing Kordell Stewart in the Disco Kroger parking lot.

Kordell Stewart hanging out in Atlanta, by the way, is not going to do alot to assuage the persistent rumors that he's gay. Right, the hip hop scene. Sure, Kordell.

Back to Rocker. I won't lie, back in the day, I loved this guy. He was the loud mouth redneck that many Atlanta fans have been longing for. Seriously, we've never really had that guy who was unequivocally loved by his own fans, and hated by every one else. Not only that - as a closer, all the dude did was strike people out. The only game-ender as good as a walk-off homerun is a flamethrowing closer doing his thing. Add the twitchy insanity of Rocker, and it made Braves games of 1999-2001 a blast.

I even cut the guy a break after the infamous Sports Illustrated article, which caused him to be permanently labelled an intolerant racist. I always felt that he said things alot of people think, and if a New York player had said it, it would have been okay. Again, though, the national sports media felt it necessary to show their indignance for this backward Southern boy because he went after their Mecca, New York City.

It always seems to be neglected that his best friends on the Braves were Bruce Chen, a Panamanian Asian, and Andruw Jones, a Curacaoan of African decent.

Of course, this article seemed to spell the downfall for Rocker. After the subsequent suspension by Major League Baseball, he never seemed to have the same edge as before. In the mental game of being a closer, he had finally psyched himself out.

This article also seemed to make it a requirement to include this sentence in any story about John Rocker:

"Rocker, who gained infamy for his insensitve comments towards gays, foreigners, and African-Americans in a 1999 Sports Illustrated article..."

After many failed attempts to revive his lagging career, he's now retired from baseball. Even worse, he's become this guy:

What the Hell? Where's the camouflage hat with a fish-hook in it? Where are the Carhartt pants? I couldn't believe it. The guy looked like he had just come from a beauty salon, and his cashmire sweater was showing enough man-cleavage to make even Fabio cringe! What a douchebag. His outfit was beginning to make me wonder if I should be more concerned about him than about Kordell.

I have to feel for the guy, though, and for many of the Good Ol' Boys who find themselves in Atlanta. Deep down inside, he probably wants to stay true to his Macon roots...but he also wants to hook up with the high-maintenance Buckhead hotties who think the woman from Sex And The City are just like their group of friends! His cash probably helps - but unfortunately, you've also got to Metro it up a bit if you want to go for the kill shot.

While we are on the subject of these types of girls, I have one thing I have to say. A real martini is olives, vermouth, and either gin or vodka! Just because it comes in a martini glass doesn't make it a martini! They can serve Manhattan's in those, too, but you don't here anyone calling it a Manhattan-tini! Man, I hate what that stupid show has done to the women of America.

It's about time

2006-04-06T16:18:00.000-04:00

Some of you may be thinking that about my blog, but I am writing this about Dominique Wilkins.

If you remember, in one of my earlier blogs, I came out as a Hawks fan. I was a Hawks fan before I was a Braves fan, which seems strange to people nowadays. 'Nique was one of the biggest reasons for that. After Hank Aaron, he was the first real sports superstar to arrive in Atlanta (sorry, Dale Murphy). If you want to see what made him so exciting, watch the video I dug up:

Of course, this video seems to illustrate the biggest stereotype about #21, that all he could do was dunk. Kind of hard to believe he averaged 24 points a game in his career, isn't it? Those 7' NBA centers must have been clueless on how to defend dunks in the 1980's.

Anyway, some of my friends know one of the quickest ways to get me riled up is to start ripping Dominique. I personally feel he is one of the most unnecessarily put upon players in recent NBA history. Roundly criticized for being selfish, never winning an NBA title, or the aforementioned proclivity for the dunk, he was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame on his 2nd try last week. I am very happy he's there, but it's still 1 year too late. He deserved the honor of being a first ballot Hall of Famer.

The biggest problem for Wilkins is that he's too often compared to players like Jordan, Bird, and Magic. "He didn't make his teammates better like those guys," people will say, citing the lack of championship banners in Philips Arena. They seem to forget that each of those 3 players had at least one future Hall of Fame teammate, playing in his prime, during their championship runs - usually two. 'Nique was only briefly graced with an aging Moses Malone, and a cast of role players to try and bring home a title.

Considering that the Hawks often went toe-to-toe with the Celtics, Pistons, and Bulls in the 80's and 90's, I think it's fair to say that Wilkins did make his mediocre teammates better. You take him away, and the Hawks would have been as bad as they are now. He was considered one of the best players of his era, which was unquestionably the NBA's Golden Era.

He had his best chance to reach the NBA Finals in 1994. Unfortunately, as I've referenced before, he was denied that chance by one of the worst trades in NBA history.

I hope with this induction, he'll get a little more credit for what he accomplished. I doubt it though, because it wouldn't fit into the national media's decided bias against the Atlanta's professional teams. If you watch sports as much as I do, you can see it. Any chance to take a shot at our fans, our franchises, or our overzealousness for college football, is gobbled up like the free pressroom buffet at the Georgia Dome. Seriously, sportswriters all seem to be morbidly obese for some reason. It has to be the buffets.

I'm sure most of my female readers (which seems to be most of my readers for some reason) have already navigated away, so I'll leave you with this - A statistical comparison between 'Nique, and 2 players I consider of similar quality, Clyde Drexler and Isiah Thomas:

Dominique
Games: 1,074
PTS: 26,668
PPG: 24.8
RPG: 6.7
APG: 2.5
FG% .461
FT% .811
STL: 1,378

Thomas
Games: 979
PTS: 18,822
PPG: 19.2
APG: 9.3
RPG: 3.6
STL: 1,861
FG%: .452
FT%: .759

Clyde
Games: 1086
Pts: 22195
PPG: 20.4
RPG:6.1
APG: 5.6
STL: 2207
FG%: .472
FT%: .788

Not a huge difference, aside from the other two players being blessed with better supporting casts that allowed them both to win 2 NBA titles. Yet, you never hear either of these players criticized or dismissed as widely as Dominique. Why is that? I'll let you figure that out for yourself.

Incidentally, both Drexler and Thomas made the NBA's 50 Greatest Players team, and Dominique did not. He was even passed over in favor of 2nd Fiddles like Kevin McHale, James Worthy, and Scottie Pippen, as well as NBA disappointment, Bill Walton. It's one of the most disgusting exclusions in the history of arbitrary, self-congratulatory sports lists. Yeah, I get mad about those things...but you probably get pissed off about The OC.

For now, I just have to congratulate "The Human Highlight Film" for this achievement. It is well deserved.

Now, if we could only get Murph into Cooperstown, I wouldn't be so bitter anymore.

Desperately Seeking Songs

2006-03-30T10:46:00.000-05:00

I've had my Sirius Satellite Radio for almost a month now, and I have to say it was a wise purchase. Regular radio just can't compete with the selection of artists, genres, sports, etc. Where else can I listen to live play-by-play of the Merseyside Derby, while staying up to date on this thing the kids are calling "Rock & Roll"?

I think the best part about my particular receiver, is the one feature it has that is almost like methadone to a channel surfin' fiend like myself. It' s called "S-Seek". Basically, you can save songs you like, and then be notified when it's about to be played on one of the channels.

My receiver only stores 10 at a time, unfortunately, so I have to be discerning about what makes the list. The major rules are pretty much that it A) has to be a song I don't have on a CD, and B) isn't played on conventional radio too often.

I know you are dying to see my current list, along with my comments on each selection. So, without further ado:

"Roll On", The Little Willies - Not since Wet Willie has a band with the word "Willie" in it captured the hearts and minds of America's youth. I've got 5 words for you - Norah Jones' Country Side Project. This is an original (they do a few covers on their album, including Willie Nelson's "I Gotta Get Drunk), and it only adds to my desire to whisk Ravi Shankar's adorable love-child away to some secluded cabin, with nothing but a piano, a case of Sam Adams, and several pounds of uncooked steak (for eating, sickos). Another one of my unconventional crushes. And now, a moment of appreciation for this Siren:

Sigh...well, that didn't help me at all. Oh, and it's a great song, too.

"Carolina Rain", Ryan Adams - The Jacksonville, NC native working his alt-country roots on his latest album (although some people freak out when you associate the word "country" with Mr. Adams' name). A pretty dark little ditty, but those are probably my favorite type of Americana music. It's chock full of pedal steel, and if that ain't country - I'll kiss your ass.

"Off The Record", My Morning Jacket - The proverbial needle in the haystack. After hearing it for the 2nd or 3rd time, I decided it was S-Seek worthy. I then proceeded to not hear it for over a week, constantly hoping to trap it for my collection. The beginning vocals are oddly reminiscent of "Up on the Roof". Supposedly, these guys are in the Wilco vein of Alternative music, but this song actually has a nice little old-school punk sensibility to it.

"Take Five", Dave Brubeck Quartet - This is one of those jazz songs that you would know if you heard...it just oozes cool. A great saxophone driven song, with an insistent little piano part underneath. I'm told this was typical of this group's sound. Getting to hear stuff like this on the radio is what makes Sirius worth it.

"Illegal Smile", John Prine - Prine's quirky breakthrough hit. It's usually on Outlaw Country, which I guess means it doesn't fit into the Nashville perameters. That's probably why I like it so much. It's timeless in that you could have imagined Jimmie Rodgers writing a similar song back in the 20's. This actually just acquired S-Seek status today.

"Bonita Applebum", Tribe Called Quest - An unexpected entry. Easily one of my favorite rap songs (and groups) ever, I stumbled across this Tribe piece while making one of my infrequent visits to the Hip-Hop section of Sirius. It's a clever little rap love song, which seems to be a lost art in that genre these days. Funny, self-depricating, great music underneath...and the fact that you can infer that the girl's name means "Beautiful Applebutt". Giggle.

"Beautiful Wreck", Shawn Mullins - Most people look at Mullins as a one-hit wonder, thanks to his overplayed "Rock-a-Bye" from the late 90's. Us in Atlanta know that he's been around since, just not getting much notice, including from me. This is a great song, and Mullins has a very unique vocal style for a singer/songwriter. One that I'm convinced I could pull off in karaoke.

"One Dime at a Time", Steep Canyon Rangers - These are my boys. I first saw them play at the Boone Saloon in 2004. Their bassist tipped me off to Midtown's Red Light Cafe, where I saw them for the second time. They're classified as bluegrass, but the lead singer lacks the high, lonesome sound of the old school purveyors. Really, they are more a mix of old-school country and bluegrass. A great live act, too.

"Don't Wait Too Long", Madeline Peyroux - Yes, I am heterosexual. I just love this chick's voice. The only knock on it is that it was used in that goofy Dockers' commercial where the chick and dude are eye humping each other from seperate trolleys, before trying to get on the other one's trolley - only to have it pull away. They think they missed their chance, but wait! The object of their affection has jumped off their trolley too, and they are both left on the street together! Blleeech - now that I realize that this is where I first heard this, it may not be staying on my list too much longer. If you haven't seen the commercial, enjoy this song - filth free.

"Do You Realize", The Flaming Lips - One of those bands that everyone who listens to them seems to love. This is a great song, and a testament to the diversity of this group. I figure I should get into them at some point, but then I'd have to take this off my S-Seek. Hard to believe they are only known in the mainstream for their novelty hit "She Don't Use Jelly".

A few other songs have served proudly - "The March" by Robert Randolph and The Family Band, Traveling Wilbury's "Handle with Care", Death Cab for Cutie's "Crooked Teeth, Beth Orton's "Conceived", and my pop guilty pleasure "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. Feist is currently bucking for S-Seek honors.

The thought of having a receiver with more storage space brings a solitary tear to my eye. Sometimes, I think it's the only thing that keeps me going...but then I just go see what's on the TV.

Burnt Head, Frozen Arse

2006-03-28T13:29:00.000-05:00

Ah,the joys of being a redhead (almost "former", in my case). Only we can seem to be able to get sunburn in 45 degree weather. You would think having to put on a toboggan before you go outside would mean you are safe from harmful UV rays, but no. Now, I am getting reacquainted with my old friend, Solarcane.

This defintely explains why my people were not only prone to chilly places, but generally overcast areas like the British Isles and Scandanavia. As I've often said, we don't tan...we burst into flames! I actually do own a few bottles of sunblock, but since I am not a girl, nor carry a man-purse, I never have it when I actually need it! On the bright side (really, no pun intended when I wrote that), I got the burn doing a nice little service project for my church on Saturday.

It's kind of odd, the things you get roped into doing when lending a helping hand. We spent 3 hours shovelling a 7-foot high pile of gravel so a garbage truck could get to the dumpster of the Atlanta Youth Academy. I don't know that we necessarily made the world a better place, but maybe...just maybe...we made the students' learning environment slightly less smelly. That's something, right? On top of that, I got to flash my rippling biceps for all the ladies in attendance. They are all still fanning themselves, in a fit of Southern Belle swooning. At least, they are in my mind.

Of course, we also were able to amuse some of the neighborhood locals, as they observed a couple dozen yuppie crackers breaking our backs on a Saturday morning. I think they would have enjoyed it more knowing I had received only 4 hours of sleep the night before.

I was also reminded, upon seeing a stoplight in their cafeteria, about the dreaded prospect of silent lunch! Did everyone have this? For the fortunately unitiated...the light is somehow triggered by increases in sound. Once it reaches red, you have silent lunch for a period of time. Our school had a 3 strikes, and you're out rule. At the 3rd offense, it was silent lunch for the rest of the period. I don't know what company developed these sound activated lights, but I blame them. This appears to be the only logical use for such an invention.

We got done at the school in the early afternoon. After a long nap, I got the other spectrum of this weather, spending 3 hours spot-freezing my cheeks to the cold bleachers of scenic Russ Chandler Stadium, on the underratedly picturesque campus of Georgia Tech. My friend, Will, was in town from Charlotte, and wanted to go to a college baseball game for some reason. I find college baseball pretty boring. Not only is there generally less talent than a Single A clash, there's no beer. The pitchers generally suck, too (if they didn't they'd be in the minors somewhere). This results in teams scoring twice as many runs as they have hits. Not a good sign.

Fortunately, the Jackets were playing N. Carolina, and any chance to root against the S--t Heels is welcome on my calendar. Tech won 11-1, and the baseball gods smiled on me by getting the game over in under 3 hours. A sporting miracle!

Okay, random thought time. I am frequently subjected to Bowflex commercials on numerous cable TV stations. I don't know if anyone else suffers from this hounding. Apparently, the Bowflex suite of products has now grown to include Crispy, Original Recipe Bowflex, some sort of Bowflex with free-weight simulating discs ("It's really smooth, it almost glides." the faux random- guy- in- the- gym claims!), and adjustable barbells. I'll spare you the links. My question is this - are we honestly supposed to believe all the uber-toned, muscular men and women got their figures from these contraptions?

I've now realized the best part about my blog. My friends are no longer subject to my rambling e-mails. They can now just visit this virtual tribute to my lack of conciseness. You're welcome.

I Have The Power!

2006-03-23T17:19:00.000-05:00

Fine! The best title I could come up with was He-Man's signature quote. Sue me.

I was thinking about some of my not so useful abilities yesterday. The first, of course, is that I'm pretty strong at general trivia. Of course, my dedication to this type of competition, and the fact that I hold joint custody of no less than 4 geni of Trivial Pursuit, were what inspired then name of my blog. Generally, if I'm playing at a bar, my team has a better than fair chance of finishing in the top 3. I can't take all the credit, because I usually am teamed with some pretty sharp folks.

Of course, it becomes difficult to win when you are playing against a team that is clearly cheating. It's happened several times...you know...people on their cell phones during questions...the trivia poo-bah is too busy, or lazy, to do anything about it. It really annoys me. I know, it's all for fun, but it's not really trivia if you can just call a friend for the answer. Last night really pissed me off. These douchebags at my regular Wednesday night trivia spot have been regular winners. We suspected they had been cheating, so we watched. I have to give them credit, they've gone the next step to texting. Much easier to hide. Grr...

We drew the hosts attention to it afterwards. He's actually one of the better hosts out there, so hopefully he'll snap these punks out of it. The main guy is one of those people you can look at, and if someone told you they were so juvenile as to cheat at trivia, you'd believe them. Sadly, he's actually a college graduate.

On to more positive things. I think I've found a better way to channel my Road Rage. Satellite radio has definitely helped, but I have become Short-cut Man. Now, more than ever, I drive home on a serpentine route. It usually happens about twice a week. I wish I could draw a map, but I'll try and recap:

-Down Clairmont towards I-85...severely backed up...double back to Buford Hwy., down Briarwood to the NE Expressway, turn onto Druid Hills, avoid the jam at Druid and Briarcliff by going down Executive Pkwy. to Shepherd's Ln., and finally onto Briarcliff...which backs up at N. Decatur. Down Emory Dr. to N. Decatur and back onto Briarcliff before finally assuming my regular route home. I think the only job where this might come in handy on a regular basis is if I was a cab driver.

I don't think I'm crazy enough, though. I've noticed that even in Atlanta, a pretty unfriendly city to cabs, that the drivers would rather mow down a pedestrian than spend too much time between fares. I've had a few close shaves.

My final power seems to be predicting my own demise. Whether it be relationships, or jobs, I will either see it coming, or unknowingly make a prophetic statement regarding said fall from grace. I was reading an old e-mail I wrote the other day about my last job...the mortgatge job that I wished I had never taken. In it, I wrote "I'm convinced the key to all sales jobs is to get through the first 6 months without quitting, or getting fired. I'm halfway there!"

I was terminated the next day...

Busted

2006-03-21T13:34:00.000-05:00

Somewhere between my junior year of college and now, I've managed to ruin my enjoyment of parts of, or the entire, NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. My general M.O. when following a sporting event is to pick the underdog, and root for them - unless they are playing one of "my" teams.

Ever since I've started putting money on this thing, no matter how little an amount, it hasn't been as fun. To win any tournament pool, you have to pick a few upsets. They are going to happen, you just have to guess right. It's entirely dumb luck.

Well, I'm pretty much done in my pool. I'm in 2nd to last place, even though I've picked more right than wrong. Since everyone inevitably has very similar Final Four picks, these things are almost always won in the first few rounds. The bright side is that I can now pull for the remaining underdogs. The non-monetary downside, is having to listen to all the douchebags proclaiming that they "called" Wichita St., George Mason, or Bradley making the Sweet Sixteen. Like they are some sort of basketball guru, and not just lucky. Most of these guys couldn't tell you where any of these schools were...except maybe Wichita St.

In case you're curious, George Mason is in Fairfax, VA, and although it sounds like a private school, is actually the largest public university in Virginia. Virginia seems to do this with most of it's public schools (see James Madison and Old Dominion) Bradley is in Peoria, IL.

These are the things I endeavor to find out about when I'm bored at work. Wichita State's mascot, by the way, is the Shockers. I can't help but think that this mascot has recently caused many septegenarian WSU fans to unwittingly make an obscene gesture as they try and mimic the enthusiasm of the student fans. Georgia fans know what I'm talking about. For those that don't, I'll let you do your own research.

I just wish Appalachian State would make a run like this so people would be scrambling for Google to find out where we're located. For the record, in Boone, North Carolina. This also gives me an excuse to post my favorite picture of my Alma Mater:

Sometimes, I wonder why I ever left. Of course, then I'd just be the old guy that can't let go...as opposed to the one that pretends he has. Then, tailgating on Fall Saturdays reminds me how unhealthy it is reliving the college lifestyle!

Chef and The Butcher

2006-03-15T13:43:00.000-05:00

So, my last few blogs have focussed mainly on the 2 Deadly Sins I seem to struggle with most...lust and gluttony. I figured I'd get the spotlight off my shortcomings, and back to a little pontificating on the world at large.

Isaac Hayes Quits South Park

Ostensibly, because of the show's religious intolerance. I guess he hasn't been paying attention to the show for the last 10 years (has it been on that long?). Most find it as no coincidence that he quit after the show satirized Scientology, of which he is a follower. I know it's not always easy to laugh at yourself, but it is never hard to laugh at Tom Cruise...and you would have to think he was the inspiration for said lampooning. Of course, upon reading up on the "religion" on one of my favorite resources, Wikipedia, it's hard not to think that they aren't all a little crazy. To that end, it also doesn't surprise me that one of them would flip out and quit a show that has made a sport of ridiculing organized religion...even those that don't involve spaceships and galactic tyrant aliens.

Oddly, the only 2 links to this story I found when I Googled it were from British papers. It makes me worry that Scientologists are more powerful than once realized!

Milosevic Found Dead in His Cell

"The Butcher of The Balkans" died of natural causes at 64. In case you didn't know, he wasn't in there post-conviction - his trial was still ongoing. It was about to start Kindergarten, actually...at that magical age of 5! This dog and pony show was, of course, organized by the bureaucracy to end all bureaucracies - The UN - who took 2 years to present their case!

Where was ADA Jack McCoy when we needed him?! He would have nailed Sloby's ass to the wall after Det. Stabler beat a confession out of him, and left enough camera time for ADA Serena Southerlyn:

Ahh, Elisabeth Rohm. She's one of the less heralded Law & Order babes. Probably my favorite, though. I could never really get excited about Angie Harmon, Jill Hennessee, or Stephanie March...but Liz had me at hello. For the record, I did not find the fact that (in her final episode)her character was outed as a lesbian hot in the slightest.

Damn. I knew I couldn't make it through a whole blog.

While we are here, though - put her on the list of minor celebrities I fancy, along with Monk's new assistant (Traylor Howard), and Giada De Laurentiis from The Food Network.

Who names a girl Traylor, by the way? You might as well just start sticking your finger down their throat after they nurse, so they can get used to having an eating disorder.

Wrestling My Inner Dumbass

2006-03-14T11:50:00.000-05:00

There are 2 sides to most men. There's the side our mother tried to raise to be sweet, sensitive, and respectful of women. Then, there's our inherent manly side, which wants to look at boobies, drink beer, and make our friends smell our farts.

This is a hinderance to many men, save for the ones who are either complete dumbasses or homosexual. Jonas Salk, for example, probably would have discovered the polio vaccine 5 year earlier if his Inner Dumbass wasn't constantly imploring him to stare at his assistant's rack.

Nowhere has the struggle between these two forces been more clear to me than in my trip to the Beth Orton concert last night. While looking like an intelligent, feeling, modern man at a performance by one of the foremost Sad Bastardesses - my internal dialogue was going something like this:

Me: Man, this is a great show...Willy Mason was a great opening act.
Dumbass: Geez, there sure are alot of lesbians here.
Me: What? Of course there are, she's a female singer/songwriter. What do you expect?
Dumbass: Dude, check out these lesbos next to us, they are wasted!
Me: No...I won't, it will be too obvious. Crap! I looked.
Dumbass: They aren't bad looking, huh? I bet they are going to have some drunken woman-sex when they get home.
Me: Shut up! I don't care if they do or don't, I'm here for the show. Now be quiet, Beth Orton's coming on stage.
Dumbass: Holy crap. She's totally not wearing a bra.
Me: (Aloud, to Shelby) Hey, she's not wearing a bra!
Dumbass: Gotcha!
Me: Dammit!!

I hope you can now appreciate the extreme amount of self-control it takes for us to strike this delicate balance.

You're not a thief, you're just a fat kid!

2006-03-13T16:56:00.000-05:00

I think I could be a competitive eater.

Seriously. I went to my favorite sushi buffet for lunch today, and I'm still feeling it. It was all a blur. I had about 30 minutes, so it was definitely not a task to be undertaken with a companion. No talk...just eat.

I generally have one goal when visiting a buffet, and that's to cost the restaurant money. I definitely think I accomplished that today. Incidentally, I don't visit buffets much any more, because I would hate to return to the porker state of 18 months ago. I'm beginning to believe I work out just to counteract sporadic excursions such as my one to RuSan's.

The worst part (and when I say worst I mean best) about the place is that they love to find new and creative ways to use tempura batter. Whether it be sushi rolls, sweet potatoes, or zucchini.
So, the last half of my work day has been a batter coated, sushi-overdose, induced haze.

3 Things from the Low-Brow Unintentional Comedy Files:

-While reading the close-captioning of ESPN's pundits breakdown the NCAA brackets during lunch, the host directed this comment at Dick Vitale, in regards to a particular game: "Dick, I know you've been itching to hit this."

Someone please tell me he meant to say this.

-My friend pointed out to me that a box that once contained gallons of Laura Lynn homogenized milk was labelled as Lynn Homo Gal. I thought that would be the most unintentionally amusing string of 3 words I would see all weekend, until I was introduced to...

-Bum Ho Lee...he's an infielder for Korea in the World Baseball Classic. Even better, his jersey reads B. H. Lee. This means we can assume he goes by just Bum Ho.

Supposedly, this kind of stuff will stop being funny to me someday.

Please note, I've added a new link to The Daily Dickel. It's my buddy Jason's site (of Lynn Homo Gal fame). If you are just craving completely inappropriate humor...get your fix there. Enjoy!

I will wreck my car shortly...

2006-03-10T14:30:00.001-05:00

I hope I'm wrong...but I finally got satellite radio. I've wanted it for about a year. I'm not really a big electronics nerd, but I am a radio guy, and the ability to listen to 120 different channels started the drool glands going. Here's the receiver I got:

And, no...that is not a song I would want on my monitor. I actually feel kind of dirty with it just being on my blog.

The receiver is kind of "resting" in my car right now because I can't get the "industrial strength" suction cup to affix to anything in my vehicle. Plus, there are wires everywhere...that might get old. I may have to get someone to "professionally install" it when I get paid next month. (Read: charge me $130 for something I could do myself, if I wanted to pull my hair out over the course of several hours.)

I went with Sirius, as you may already know. It appeals to the obscure sports geek in me...the one who wants to listen to low-level college football and basketball, and European soccer, on the radio.

My biggest concern is the remote control. Putting one of those in the hands of my father's son could be bad news. I'm referring to myself, if you're confused. I have the attention span of a coked-up gerbil when it comes to TV or Radio programming. Let's hope I can keep it in check but if you a see a viciously swerving green Chevy Blazer coming towards you...say hello.

I'm still fightin' sleep from last night. I went to the Wilco show in Athens, which rocked, of course. I even got the requisite Athens experience by ending up at the same bar as members of the band, and Mike Mills from R.E.M. I was tempted to start an "overrated" chant, but thought better of it. It is his turf, after all.

Welcome to South Canada

2006-03-09T11:13:00.001-05:00

That slight chill in the air this morning had nothing to do with the dying throes of winter. Oh no...and stop wondering why you have the urge to try and crush people's heads from afar with your thumb and forefinger. I'll explain:

We were annexed by Canada yesterday. It's true...their best (I use the term loosely) baseball players beat our best baseball players 8-6 in the World Baseball Classic. We were "blowed up real good". In usage of a little known rule, we are now known as the Lower Provnices, or Amerida. Who knew they were so pissed about losing the Expos?

It's all karmic retribution, I guess. Seeing as how Mexico is now our bitch in soccer, it only stands to reason a country who generally doesn't care about baseball would smack us around.

At least I am now compatriots with The Kids in the Hall. Someone pass the Moosehead...

Call me Brantley...

2006-03-08T17:26:00.000-05:00

Or Carlton...because I am officially living in an 80's comedy now. The only difference is I haven't conned my way to the top of my uncle's corporation while hooking up with Helen Slater.

I do, however, have the requisite promiscuous neighbor. You know, the one who is heard, but never seen. I'll set the stage for you:

The place: My cozy little VaHi apartment. I'm lying in bed, listening to the relaxing tunes of B 98.5 (seriously, I've done this since I was 13) when I think I detect some sort of noise hitting on the off beat of the song. I turn the radio down and hear - creak...creak-creak-creakcreakcreak...

That's right, my neighbor is gettin' it on. I really think this will hinder my ability to sleep, so I pray that he is a quick draw. Luckily, I am right. 2 (maybe 3) minutes tops. I am sure his girl loved that.

This guy definitely makes an interesting neighbor for being relatively invisible. He just bought a late 80's Mercury Grand Marquis, which naturally has 20" rims on it. Pretty much like putting lipstick on a pig. To protect his ghetto fabulous investment, he has installed the most sensitive car alarm known to man. It blares out at least twice a night...and late. I really don't see the point - it's set off so much, I don't think anyone in our area gives any thought to it anymore.

I don't know if folks would be too upset if someone did steal his hoopdie. My thought is this - there are so many late model SUV's, sports cars, sedans, etc. in this part of town - who's going to want a Grand Marquis? The sad fact is that he probably bought the alarm to protect his wheels.

But back to The Secret of My Suce$$ (note the clever use of the $'s). What the hell happened to Helen Slater? I know she's done some TV work, but why has the movie career dried up? Does she just spend all day hanging out with Judge Reinhold, Steve Guttenberg, and Molly Ringwald?

She was definitely one of those chicks who was "80's hot", much like Ringwald. If they came around today, I don't think anyone would have given them a second look. Back then, though, they would have been in Maxim, if it existed...

By the way, in checking up on these fallen 80's icons, I discovered that they are in pre-production for a new Police Academy movie. Wow. Even worse, it appears to have much of the cast from the initial trilogy, including Tim Kazurinsky of SNL non-fame. Stay tuned, I'm sure we'll need to organize a camp out for tickets to this one.

Over The Top

2006-03-06T13:26:00.000-05:00

I am certainly not an expert on this year's Oscar field. I only saw one of the films nominated for Best Picture. However, that one movie happened to be Crash. It was a shock to most at the ceremony that it won. I think the only person who would have been more shocked would have been Eric, circa Summer 2005, after he left a viewing of this picture.

It must have been a bad year for movies. Considering none of the nominees had much mass appeal - and this over-wrought, tired, racial melodrama won the top award - it's no wonder the ratings were down 10% from last year.

Crash had some decent moments, and some good drama, but the dialogue was so over the top and unrealistic that I pretty much had to tune out large portions of the movie. As someone who has had the displeasure of being in the presence of racist people (stereotypical and otherwise), I can honestly say none of them were recognizable in the characters of Crash.

Even the ironic twists at the end did little to make me change my mind about the film. At the time it seemed like a picture with alot of advance hype, and little to back it up. Considering the relative star power of the cast (Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock, Matt Dillon, Ryan Phillipe, and even Ludacris), it could have been much better.

I think I would have believed a movie combining a gripping father-son drama, big rigs, and arm-wrestling, would have had as much of a chance as Crash to take home the gold.

Meet me halfway...

Freedom

2006-03-02T13:28:00.000-05:00

There are probably alot of people who know me really well who don't know that David Gray is one of my favorite musicians. I own 5 of his albums, which puts him in rare company - up there with The Beatles, The Who, and Wilco in terms of occurences in my collection.

I don't mention him much - the problem with Mr. Gray is that I've always attached him to other people, to a relationship. I discovered him almost simultaneously with my ex-girlfriend, thanks to his song, Please Forgive Me, being played at my college radio station. After we broke up, I found it hard to listen to his music. It kind of lends itself to either being in love, or being melancholy about a failed relationship. As Jack Black puts it, "Sad Bastard Music." It was almost too painful to listen to. If you need an example, listen to this song.

Until, of course, I fell head-over-heels for someone in 2004. Someone who was very much a music fanatic. I, of course, wanted to share one of my favorite artists with her. As that relationship ebbed and flowed, I alternated between wanting to listen to him, and not wanting to...depending on where I thought it was going. After it failed miserably, I put him away again.

When I found out he was coming to town, I was very much torn about whether I should go. I didn't have anyone to go with (I love the guy, but not the kind of show you take another dude to), but I knew he would sell out quickly. His cancelled show at The Tabernacle, which turned into this one at The Fox, sold out in less than an hour. I finally decided to get 2 tickets, and hope I could find someone to come along...which I did.

The best part about the show was sharing it with 3500 other people, enjoying his music. Knowing that it was personal to so many people, and being amongst so many of his fans, felt like being emancipated from having to associate it with any one person ever again.

In case you are wondering, the show was unbelievable. I can't help put be amused watching thousands of Atlanta yuppies being mesmerized by a short, stocky, Welshman. The songs sounded like they came right off the albums, with the same intensity and passion. It's just a shame that he only comes to The States once every 3 or 4 years.

By the way, if you ever take someone to a concert where your seats aren't exactly A+, do what I did:

a) Make sure the show has great lighting
b) Bring someone who is in to theatrical lighting.

Easy enough, right?

God Bless America

2006-02-20T14:13:00.000-05:00

Kind of appropriate for President's Day, isn't it? Today, we celebrate the two most beyond-reproach Commander-in-Chiefs in our country's history.

Anyway, this story:

Holocaust Denier Sentenced

And this band's concert reminded me how great we have it here. In case you are too lazy to read the story - a British History professor, who (among other comments) stated he thought that most Jews in Nazi Concentration Camps died of disease, and not gassing, was sentenced to 3 years in jail for voicing this opinion.

Of course, it doesn't matter how the Jewish prisoners died, they shouldn't have been there in the first place. He also stated that there were no gas chambers at Auschwitz. I thought historians were generally fact based people? Nut job, for sure, but most academic types seem to be.

He's now recanted some of what he's said, but it's too late for him - he was sentenced for a speech he made in 1989!! It's pretty unsettling to think that someone can be thrown in jail for their words.

Of course the news organizations had to point out that he was a "right wing" historian. It's news to me that there are right and left wings to history, but it isn't news to me that the people who revel in this kind of categorization conveniently forget to mention that the Nazis were a left wing organization. It's right there in the name: National Socialist Party. They were the kind of party that would have, oh, I don't know...thrown someone in jail for saying something they disagreed with.

As for the concert I went to last night...I guess now I know a little bit how Michael Moore would feel at a Toby Keith concert. The only difference being, I was listening to good music. Asylum Street Spankers, the Austin-based band, was kind of a Squirrel Nut Zippers meets Barenaked Ladies meets bluegrass hootenanny, at a MoveOn (.org, I won't give them the honor of being hyper-linked in my blog) fund-raiser. If you know me, not generally the kind of folks I hang with. Of course, the music kicked ass, in between all the Bush-bashing. It was nice to be able to enjoy the music, and not have to agree with their ideology.
It's also nice to know that they can say those things without facing prosecution. Whenever some bleeding-heart lefty ends up in office, I can also make fun of him (or her) without similar retribution.

I'll leave you with a great President's Day related quote from my favorite little liberal author (and voice talent from The Incredibles), Sarah Vowell:

From The Partly-Cloudy Patriot

"I glance at the kid with envy. He's at that first, great, artsy-craftsy age when Americans learn about Abraham Lincoln. How many of us drew his beard in crayon? We built models of his boyhood cabin with Elmer's glue and toothpicks. We memorized the Gettysburg Address, reciting its ten sentences in stovepipe hats stapled out of black construction paper. The teachers taught us to like Washington and to respect Jefferson. But Lincoln - him they taught us to love.

Happy President's Day!

In Case You Missed It

2006-02-16T13:40:00.000-05:00

I'm a night owl...so I didn't.

Hawks 114 - Lakers 110

Laugh at me if you want, but I'm excited about the Atlanta Hawks. It's a weird excitement, though. I'm not excited about this season, but future seasons.

Granted, this team has 3 more wins by this All-Star Break than they had all of last year. That's a big step forward, but still a long way to go. The exciting part is that the oldest player of any import for the Hawks is Al Harrington, at the ripe old age of 25, and he's due to be traded. This team is young, and will only get better.

I know, it's hard when a friend comes out of the Hawks closet, but don't worry, I'm still the same guy. Truth is, I've always felt this way. I just stopped expressing it in 1994. That year, the Hawks made the move to put themselves on the path to mediocrity, where they made several wrong turns and ended up in WorstTeamInTheLeagueLand. They traded 'Nique, one of my first sports heroes. Not only did they trade him, they traded him while they had the best record in the Eastern Conference - for Danny Manning - a one-hit wonder with bad knees. Smart.

I have a good feeling about this young bunch, though. They play their asses off every night, and play a fun brand of ball. I know, it's fashionable for crackers, like me, to say we don't care about the NBA. The truth is, I just stopped caring because my team was always toast before the season began.

The local sports intelligentsia seem to think the Thrashers are going to overtake the Hawks in relative popularity in this town. No way. Southerners just won't ever get hockey as much as they do hoops. They won't ever forget the glory days of the 1980's, when 'Nique went toe-to-toe with Larry Bird and Michael Jordan. If they see those days coming back, the Thrashers won't have a chance. Of course, both are way behind the Braves, Falcons, and Dawgs for most - so it all might just be the equivalent of being the valedictorian of Night School.

UPDATE: My car is now leaking oil. Don't know if it's related to my towing incident, or just a coincidence. I just hope this additional distress from the most expensive free parking spot ever!

A Piece of Advice...

2006-02-13T14:23:00.000-05:00

Pay to park in Midtown. If not, don't plan on staying very long. Otherwise, you get a nice little trip to A-Tow at 3 in the morning.

That was my Friday night. A cold, rainy jaunt to the ghet-to. And remember, you can't spell "ghetto" without "tow". It would be spelled wrong, but it would sound the same. Those who have been there know of what I speak. I'm still struggling to figure out where this mythical "No Parking" sign was that got me towed off 15th St., and cost me $105. Seriously, how much does it really cost you to tow my car? 10 bucks maybe? What a racket.

Still, totally my fault. If I wasn't such a skinflint about parking, I would have shelled out $7 to park the Green Machine in a covered deck all night.

It's funny how life seems to mirror other people's sometimes. After reading her blog, I've come to the conclusion that Jamie might be the female version of me. In the past few years, she's been unemployed, forced to live with her parents, obsessed with losing weight, and had her car unnecessarily towed...all while drinking to excess a bit too often. Sound familiar, old friends?

On the bright side, I did catch an unbelievable show at The Earl on Friday. Her name is Anna Kramer - and she is a Guitar Goddess. A bit of country, alt-country, old school rock, and a little blues, in pixie form. Seriously, she's like 5'1". I just wanted to put her in my pocket...but not in a perverted way. Her height was only accentuated by the fact that her bass player is around 6'5". Check her out, though, if she is playing nearby. The band, as a whole, was very tight.

Thanks to her, I know now how chicks feel when they go crazy over guys because they're great musicians. She was attractive enough, but her ability to wield a mean axe just took her to another level.

I Don't Love U2

2006-02-09T13:18:00.000-05:00

Can I say that? It's the day after the Grammys, and I just have to say I think the voters are getting a little lazy. U2? Are they really still that relevant? Sure...they sell out arenas all over the world, but so do the Rolling Stones, and I don't see them cleaning up at the Grammys. Do we really have to give them a Grammy everytime they come out with an album? Is the NARAS just too afraid to tell them that they will never be as good as The Joshua Tree again?

I guess it's been on my mind for a while. They are just one of those bands I never got in to. We even had a two part Sunday School class on "The Spirituality of U2", and I really tried to take it seriously. It just seemed like a weak attempt at getting apathetic young adults to church that day.

I guess I can't get too upset, in the grand scheme of things, U2 (a rock band with actual instruments) winning alot of Grammys is far better than if Gwen Stefani won for Hollaback Gurl. You're right, you ain't no Hollaback Gurl...because you're married, in your mid-30's, pregnant, and white. You can only be 2 of those 4 things and still maintain your hollaback-ness.
Luckily for her, the Academy had the unbelievably bad idea of coming up with the new category of Best Rap/Sung Collaboration. This will not only keep Nelly and Ludacris working, but basically give Gwen and Linkin Park a chance at some hardware everytime they release an album.

I can honestly say I've only been relatively satisfied with the outcome of this award ceremony twice in my entire life...in 2003 when the soundtrack for O Brother, Where Art Thou? won Album of the Year, and in 2004 when Coldplay's Clocks won Record of the Year (or maybe Song? What's the difference?), and Outkast's Speakerboxx/The Love Below won Album...although I felt like Stankonia and Aquemini were better. So sad that it's pissed me off every other year...

On the bright side, John Legend's Ordinary People got plenty of love. I'm not an R&B fan, but if the genre made more songs like that, I would be. Poor John, though, he won Best New Artist, and that's pretty much a death nell for your career.
I guess I'm preaching to the choir with most of you. We all pretty much know that the best albums are never nominated for these awards, and may only have a snowball's chance at winning in their particular genre. Which means my only moment of joy can come when The White Stripes or Allison Krauss win (take that, New Country). I love music, and these people supposedly do too, but I really wonder sometimes.

...so full of eight-ball...

2006-02-07T13:27:00.000-05:00

I have a crazy neighbor. And when I mean crazy, I don't mean like wacky Mr. Roper or Steve Urkel. I mean, borderline restraining order scary.

She seemed harmless enough when I moved in...until speaking to her for 5 seconds when she revealed that the people in my apartment complex were siphoning gas, dealing drugs, and knocking over her plants ( the most egregious offense in her eyes, I think). For the record, I haven't seen a shred of evidence proving any of this happens in my little complex.

She already scared off one of my neighbors by constantly calling the cops on them for stuff they didn't do. When they still lived there, I would often see her peering through a crack in her door at me while I was trying to get into my apartment. Yeesh.

I don't think she works, or owns a car...but she is married. Her husband has that defeated, senile look about him. I guess that's the only way you can look in his situation. I also think he's extremely hard of hearing, or at least he's pulling off a good acting job.

The frightening part is...she likes me. She even gave me a Christmas card in which she said "I hope you never move". I'm afraid if I try she might go Single White Female meets Misery on me! Luckily she's old, slow, and fat, so I should be able to fend her off. She thinks I'm a wonderful neighbor, even though I've never spoken more than 5 times.

Anyway, the point of this is that she managed to add to the craziness this morning by posting a note on her door (one of her favorite things to do). I'm paraphrasing, but it said something to this effect:

"I do not have an eight ball . I do not even know what an eight ball is
Do not knock on our door. All we have here is the Holy Spirit."

Picture this all in crazy old lady handwriting...and you get the idea.

Linkage

2006-02-01T14:11:00.000-05:00

Like many of you with desk jobs, I spend alot of time eading news on-line in an attempt to avoid work. It's sad, but we all know it happens. Anyway, just wanted to post a few items (and two websites) that caught my eye this past week:

Bill Gates Pledges $900 Million to fight tuberculosis

I hope they start with my neighbor. I've learned my apartment has very thin walls, even in the shower. Apparently, I have Doc Holliday living next door to me. I can hear this guy in his morning ritual of hacking up a lung in the shower. I know we all get a little clogged, but this guy sounds like he injects a gallon of maple syrup into his resperatory system before he goes to bed. Luckily, the walls haven't caused me to hear him gettin' it on with anyone. Or worse, telling them he's their Huckleberry...

Reason #2346 that Al Gore has gone crazy

Nice research, Al.

I don't care how you feel about W., but is anyone regretting Gore's loss in hindsight? He's like that person you date, and seems pretty normal. Things are never too good, never too bad, and it doesn't really end that well. Later, you find out, they've either gone crazy, ended up in jail, had an illegitimate child, gone gay/lesbian, or all of the above.

The best part about this story is the quotes from the befuddled Canadians, wondering what the big deal is. It's nice to know they don't go as insane as we do about politics...well, except French Canadians.

John Kerry thinks he's smarter than you

Because, based on his stats, you probably didn't graduate high school. Did he really think anyone was going to buy this? Again, you may not like W., but the Democrats clearly had their heads up their asses in '04. So many potential candidates, and this is the guy the come up with. The only decision as bad was when the GOP picked Bob Dole as their guy in '96.

And now, for some fun websites:

Deadspin

If you like sports, and you like humor, this is the place for you. And if you are sick of how ESPN beats storylines into the ground, these guys are your kindred spirits.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

I'm sure many of you have already seen this. I think we have to send Conan O'Brien a thank you card for propelling Chuck Norris to the fore of dumb-ass comedy.

Off to see Son Volt in Athens tonight, sure to be a zombie tomorrow morning as I return to my no-sleep cycle.

The Weekend OR How Not to Catch Up On Sleep

2006-01-30T13:15:00.000-05:00

As much as I enjoy sleeping, I seem to be the worst person when it comes to keeping a normal sleep cycle.

Friday Night: I guess you can say this is where the problem started. I met up with some folks from church for a double-birthday party. Apparently, these are all the rage with the yuppies, as I seem to rarely attend a party for just one person nowadays. After witnessing a good ol' fashioned shoving match between 2 drunk guys at Churchill's (made me miss high school), I managed to get home around 2. Really, it wasn't that late, except for the fact that...

Saturday Morning: It's moving day for Goose's girlfriend. Goose (aka Nathan) is one of those guys you become friends with because he's friends with a friend, and you always seem to hang out. A great guy who saved me when I needed to move, and my dad ( of all people) bailed on me at the last moment. Obviously, I have no problem helping him because of that...other than my sleepiness. The sausage biscuit he gave me from Hardee's brings a tear to my eye as I devoured it whole.

This is the 5th time in the last 9 months I've helped someone move, or moved myself, so I'm pretty used to it. Even so, I always feel like I'm not doing enough. I really don't try to avoid heavy lifting...but I just have the odd impression that I somehow missed out on most of it. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Oddly, getting Jen out of her 2nd floor apartment was not the problem...it was getting her into her 1st floor Canton loft. Unfortunately, her new place was a good 100+ yards from where we could park the van. That led to alot of long, funny, walks - because there are just certain things you can't move without looking like a penguin, chimp, character from a Farrelly Bros. movie, etc.

Entertainment, though, was provided by Greg's daughter, Codie (yes, boys name, I know). She, of course, wanted to do her part because it was somehow fun for her. You can't help but laugh hearing a 6-year old girl say "Get 'er done", or watching a kid that age run. Little kids always look like they are on some sort of very important mission when in a dead sprint, which is the only speed they seem to know. We finally finish up thanks to the excessive number of hand-trucks (Goose brought four), and I manage to slink back to my place around 5:30. This gives me about 2 hours to relax, and get ready for...

Saturday Night: The much bally-hooed 99x Swingles party. I was risking the chance of rolling solo to this thing, until I convinced a guy from my church to come along. I've only met him twice, but after Friday I discerned he wouldn't think me a sinner if I had a few drinks, and chatted with a few ladies. I learned on the way there that he has a free parking spot at his Midtown office...score!!

This party is kind of the nexus of my new Blogging/Myspace obsession, so I'm glad it's here. It turned out, however, to pretty much be just like any night out. You know - you, a buddy, and a bunch of people you don't know. I did have a pretty good time, though, even though a drunk Fred Toucher basically blurbed to me that The Morning X might be going the way of the Dodo very soon. There are actually rumors swirling that the station itself might get a format change under new ownership.

Finally split from there around 1:30, which didn't bode well for my energy level for my big day on Sunday...

Sunday Morning: Finally joining my church as a member, so I was doing my best to get there early after about 5 hours of sleep. I actually had to be baptized, which was an interesting thing for me. I was raised in a church that didn't believe in the symbolic ceremony, so the whole idea is still a little weird. I will say one thing, though, nothing makes you feel better after a Saturday night out in Atlanta than being able to repent of any sins you may have committed. I don't think I had any major violations, but any minor ones were hopefully taken care of.

I was actually the only person to join that day, so I got to take center stage...always great for the ego. My church is pretty huge, so I always seem to be adding to my list of minor celebrities and local sports heroes that attend there. I got to put Roger Kaiser on the list yesterday. Just to show you the sports nerd I am, I instantly knew who he was.

After a typically overly-long lunch at Loco's (they aren't ever in a rush there, it seems), I finally got home around 2:30, and almost immediately passed out on my couch for 3 hours. I wasn't too pleased about that, because I was hoping to burn off some of my weekend beer calories with a run. I woke up just in time to catch the end of The U.S.'s 5-0 throttling of Norway in Men's Soccer. Norway isn't exactly Brazil, but it's always nice to see the boys whip up on a Euro nation people have heard of. I wouldn't have been as excited if it was Moldova.

This, of course, meant I couldn't get to sleep until late Sunday. I then got a call from my friend, Greg at 3 in the morning. Only it wasn't him, it was his phone, which sounded like it was either in a dryer, or in the pocket of someone walking really fast. I still have to figure this one out.

The Best of...

2006-01-27T12:26:00.000-05:00

After being inspired by one of my new MySpace "friends", who probably is currently freaked out by my overly-friendly nature, I am starting this blog. She has her own blog, too, so you can thank her for me. Amazingly, when she started her blog, I am pretty sure I wouldn't have known what one was.

I figured to avoid losing my wonderful musings from my MySpace blog, I would transcribe (okay, CTRL + C) some of them over here for anyone who wants to read. I think alot about music, sports, politics, etc. So hopefully you will enjoy my pop-culture musings, along with a bit of my life, I guess. So here goes, enjoy!

Originally from 1/23/06:

So we found out that the Seattle Seahawks and the Pittsburgh Steelers will play in Super Bowl "XL", which I've noticed no one is calling Super Bowl 40. The fact that the Roman numerals are also a clothing size is just too damned amusing to most people. Being the nerd I am, I figured this double entendre out about 10 years ago, so the joy is sadly lost on me. I do wonder, though, if we'll experience this phenomenon again in 10 years...or in 960 years for that matter. I'll give you a minute to think about that or research...

As for the game: Being a lifelong Falcons fan, I am used to the annual decision regarding which Super Bowl participant I should pull for. Only once have I had the joy of rooting for my home team in the game of games. It's been relatively easy many years, because there always seems to be a team I despise, or am annoyed by, playing. The Seahawks and Steelers really don't get my blood boiling, though.

A group of people are coloring my decision, as they always seems to -bandwagon fans. No doubt, Pittsburgh has alot of them. I don't mind native Pennsylvanians, or someone from a border town in Ohio or W. Virginia pulling for the Steelers, but you would swear that person doesn't exist. I've met Steelers fans from Illinois, N. Carolina, even New York...but not Pittsburgh. Kinda weird considering their stadium is always full.

I know why, of course, because the Steelers were the team back in the day, they won 4 Super Bowls before anyone else, and had that blue-collar swagger that appealed to many. And it definitely appealed to fans who can't get up the cajones to pull for a losing team. Growing up in Atlanta...that's all I knew how to do.

I work part-time with one of these creatures. A guy from NYC, where they have not one, but two, teams in the city (and 3 in the state). For some reason, he's a Steeler fan, and even nauseatingly refers to them as "we". I talked to a client today, a native Chicagoan, who's a Steelers fan. I really had to bite my tongue.

Bandwagon fans in general make me want to karate chop them in the throat. Generally, though, I just end up hating the teams they like. In the NFL, it's Dallas, Oakland, Pittsburgh, and Miami. In baseball - of course, it's the Yankees. I know the Braves have alot of bandwagon jumpers, but they escape my rule by virtue of being from Atlanta. If I lived in Iowa, though, the sound of Skip Caray's voice would make me want to projectile vomit. Let's not forget college...Duke, N. Carolina, any big school from Florida, etc. I could go on, but it would just be masochistic.

Oddly, I don't mind the Steelers as a team. I like their coach, and alot of their players. I even like their unis...I just can't sit in a sports bar near any of their fans.

So you can guess, I'm probably going to pull for Seattle. I have my reservations, though. The Seahawks didn't exist until 1977, the Falcons showed up in 1966. The Seahawks winning would once again remind me of how hapless the Dirty Birds have been. On top of that, until the playoffs it was really hard to believe that Seattle had those run-of-the-mill crazy football fans.

You figured everyone there was too busy drinking coffee, debating environmental issues, developing delicious new microbrews, or wondering why Mudhoney and The Screaming Trees never made it big to actually care about football. Wrong I was. Judging by the pandemonium at Qwest Field yesterday, this is the most talked about thing in The Emerald City since Stephen slapped Irene on The Real World. It's a pretty isolated city in terms of US geography, too. I think it could swap places with Vancouver tomorrow, and we wouldn't notice until Microsoft started labelling everything in French.

The thing they have going for them, though, is me telling people 3 games into the season that they were my dark horse team to make it out of the NFC. I was laughed at a few times, so it's nice to know I was right. They had an easy schedule, and forced all these East Coast playoff teams to fly all the way out there to play in their surprisingly loud stadium. The reason me being right is significant, is that I never am. I love sports, but I couldn't predict who will win the coin toss in the upcoming Super Bowl, and that's 50/50 odds.

Either way, it should be a good game. A good game, of course, that is dragged out incessantly by commercials that try too hard, a half-time show with an over the hill rock band, and plenty of instant replay reviews. So find a party, and if you live in Georgia, make sure to get your beer on Saturday!